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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH doesn't want me using mumsnet anymore.

249 replies

PullUpAGlass · 29/05/2017 08:40

And he might read this since he's said he's going to trawl through the forum to prove that it's a terrible place.

All started last night when I made a joke to DH about LTB. He asked what that meant so I told him. This started an all night argument about how he hates mumsnet, thinks it's dangerous for relationships, thinks it's a forum full of man-hating and stories about blokes with their nobs out, it's a site which is degrading to men and offensive for women to use. He went on to say that it's not normal for women to obsess over a forum where everyone hangs out their dirty laundry and he wouldn't mind if I did the "normal woman thing of complaining to friends over a coffee" Hmm but mumsnet is beyond that, he hates it and does not want me using it anymore.

He also declared that mumsnet is "destroying his faith in human kind" and that he thinks he hates women.

I personally think he's being sexist, controlling and constantly gunning for a row.

So AIBU? Sick of the constant arguining (not just over mumsnet but about everything, it's constant, there is always "something")

OP posts:
claritytobeclear · 29/05/2017 09:50

It sounds like neither of you are very happy, reading between the lines.

He does not want to go out, just drinks and flops in front of the TV and plays games on his phone. You have cut down on drinking but still drink half a bottle of wine a night and either spend time on MN or on Facebook or watching TV and have fallen out with family. You argue.

In this context, I would not particularly expect much sense to come from him or you. Yes, what he said is controlling and disrespectful. But he doesn't sound like he is functioning very well on many levels.

Something has to change. It sounds like a downward spiral.

Mermaidinthesea123 · 29/05/2017 09:50

Is he in the habit of telling you what to do and monitoring your internet usage?
I'd be a bit concerned if that was the case.

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 29/05/2017 09:52

What surfer said doesn't surprise me at all

I think i will make a concerted effort to come off this after the election

Its such a time waster

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 29/05/2017 09:52

Oops

But OP everyone here is right, he shouldn't tell you what you can do and he sounds a bit controlling

Westray · 29/05/2017 09:53

He sounds quite a catch OP.

Original poster
PullUpAGlass · 29/05/2017 09:54

I don't drink half a bottle a night 😂 Only on a weekend

OP posts:
surferjet · 29/05/2017 10:00

Noooooooooooo Rufus, you can't leave me. Sad ❤️

MusicToMyEars800 · 29/05/2017 10:01

I have read RTFT, and I have to say he does sound controlling, telling you the things he doesn't like you doing but trouting out the 'I'm an adult/grown man' when you pull him up on things you don't particularly like or are uncomfortable with.

Meandyouandyouandme · 29/05/2017 10:05

My H is the same and I'm getting my ducks in a row to leave. Very controlling, doesn't like women and mumsnet. I said he doesn't have to like women, only me! Doesn't want me to be on Facebook, I do have friends but I don't see them very often as he's made it difficult to see them, looking back there's so many red flags. He doesn't think there's anything wrong with his behaviour, it's who he is. I'm just sad about it all, but need to get rid of the awful walking on eggshell feeling I have now.
I'm also not alllowed to so much as pick up my phone while watching TV, and it's usually something that he wanted to watch in the first place.
I've been on mumsnet for about 12 years, and I should have left at least 10 years ago. I'm sorry I'm no inspiration to leave but I will hopefully shortly.

Fanciedachange17 · 29/05/2017 10:06

It sounds a mediocre existence at best. You work. Go on computer. Have tea. Watch TV. Get drunk. Oh, sometimes you walk the dog.

Life is short, sometimes unexpectedly so.

Will you lie back on your deathbed and think "That was a fantastic ride, so many ups and downs and things to remember. I'm glad I did all those things even if they didn't always work out".

Or will it be "if only..."

Chin up Love, time for a good think and some self examination. Whether he is to remain a part of your life or not remains to be seen but you could do with a good life overhaul.

PhilODox · 29/05/2017 10:06

Please don't have children with him, you'll feel even more trapped. I couldn't stay with someone that said he hated women. What if you had a daughter? What about yourself?

RB68 · 29/05/2017 10:07

Tell him to stop reading the Daily Fail

kittybiscuits · 29/05/2017 10:09

It sounds like he's worried that you might get along with other human beings. That they might like you and find you interesting. Whereas he would like you next to him in isolation so he doesn't have to feel threatened. Is he inadequate in other ways too?

CatsRidingRollercoasters · 29/05/2017 10:09

LTB

VolunteerAsTribute · 29/05/2017 10:10

I think he's pretty much spot-on. I think that if I took it seriously, DH would be worried about me.

As it is, we both have a good giggle over it all.

e1y1 · 29/05/2017 10:10

Is this is a reverse? Bring the washing in before it gets darked on, cancel the cheque and then LTB.

Also, give him Biscuit.

MrsJamin · 29/05/2017 10:10

Doesn't it seem like the modern equivalent of a man not wanting his wife to have an education or learn to read: information IS dangerous!

Gruach · 29/05/2017 10:13

I wonder if The Handmaid's Tale has had this effect all over the country ...

rightsofwomen · 29/05/2017 10:15

My ex actually cited my excessive internet use in a court paper as something against me. Ha ha ha.
Who the fuck is he to criticise how I spend my down time when I work full time, do everything else (bla bla).

Strangely, now he's gone I spend my evenings enjoying more RL social activities or other interests.

KurriKurri · 29/05/2017 10:15

How has he got the idea it is stories about blokes with their knobs out ?
Where are these stories? (asking for a friend obv.)

MrsDoylesTeabags · 29/05/2017 10:16

Having read your further posts I have to agree with Clarity there is a lot of negativity in your relationship, his issue with MN is a bit of a red herring, if it wasn't this he'd be pissed off about something else.
I'm really sorry you're going through this many times on here I read a poster starting with one seemingly minor issue that this really the tip of the iceberg, and it's very scary to see the scales fall from someones eyes and the realisation that their relationship is harming them. It's also not the first time I've read an AIBU thread that someone has posted on their partner's instruction. (It never ends well)

RestlessTraveller · 29/05/2017 10:18

I do think that the treatment of men on this site is abhorrent, I would never post any details of my relationship on here, and I do think "LTB" is thrown around far too freely.

However I am very secure in my relationship, I know how to recognise a 'red flag' and would never let anyone control or abuse me. For women who are in this type of relationship I think MN can be amazing and the support given can literally change a woman's life.

Your husband is controlling, and a nasty piece of work. No-one gets to dictate your thoughts, what you chose to read or watch or how you think. He thinks he owns you, have my first ever LTB.

alreadytaken · 29/05/2017 10:18

Well you have to admit he has a point. Mumsnet can easily destroy your faith in womenkind if you let it. However comments like "I'd have given him a biscuit" are why it can still be worth visiting now and then.

However it doesnt sound like a good relationship either. Maybe you should point out the great first post in www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/698029-Right-listen-up-everybody

metalmum15 · 29/05/2017 10:21

He's a controlling argumentative drunk. Maybe when you were drinking so much he seemed more appealing, now you're not you're realising there's more to life. If you can't think of any redeeming qualities he has, be brave and start a new life for yourself. Otherwise I fear you'll still be stuck in that same position in 20 years time.

metalmum15 · 29/05/2017 10:21

He's a controlling argumentative drunk. Maybe when you were drinking so much he seemed more appealing, now you're not you're realising there's more to life. If you can't think of any redeeming qualities he has, be brave and start a new life for yourself. Otherwise I fear you'll still be stuck in that same position in 20 years time.