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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Neighbours kid!

265 replies

MissBax · 29/05/2017 01:51

Right, I've just stormed downstairs to the flat below ours and screamed at them after 3 years of them being a total nightmare culminating in one foul-mouthed fury!
They have two children (son 5 and daughter 7).
They have NO routine - the children seem to be allowed to run riot in the flat no matter what time it is - 6am or 1am! They never seem to take the children out, when the sun is shining they shove them on the balcony where the kids then scream and shout constantly (i don't mean general children playing noise by the way - I mean FULL ON screeching and screaming). They don't discipline the son AT ALL - I've watched him throw food all over the communal areas of the building whilst the mum simply walks on. Or when he is screaming she just quietly goes "shh shh" to which he just yells and screeches over.
The mum takes them out at about 9pm at night and returns at 1am - just now they arrived home, kids shouting and screaming in the communal stairway for everyone to hear. They then slam doors downstairs, shouting and screaming commences. It has been like this for 3 YEARS!!!
We have spoken to their landlord - says he doesn't have any reason to take matters further which is fair enough (i suppose).
In the first year I actually befriended the mum and felt very sorry for her - she is clearly struggling to discipline and parent her own children. Dad seems useless by all accounts. I tried asking politely that they keep their windows and doors shut if the kids are screaming as their windows are only a matter of feet from ours and the sound travels so easily. They said they would. They don't!!
It's been so warm that I have to sleep with windows open but they are so loud it just wakes us up.
My OH went down around a year ago and had a more stern word about how it wasn't acceptable anymore and something has to change - we then had a visit from their Health Visitor stating that they'd complained that WE were harassing THEM!!! We were gobsmacked and explained that we actually have concerns that they aren't managing very well and that we constantly hear screaming and banging from the flat. -Just to give some context - we never hear anything from any other flat above us or to either side-
The HV seemed to understand and asked us to call if we have any other worries, which I have done a couple of time over the last 6 months - she doesn't put seatbelts on her kids when in the car for example, amongst other things.
Anyway - they came home tonight banging and screaming away at 1am as always and I just saw red. I went down and made it clear that I was at breaking point and that they were making my life hell. And low ad behold - not a peep out of them now - so they CAN shut the kids up when needed. So why don't they do this anyway when it's 1am and people around them are sleeping?!?!
I guess I was going to ask AIBU but after reading it back I don't think I am.
What I would like to ask though is what the hell can I do?? I don't think the children are being abused so can't exactly contact SS, the HV can't do a great deal either and they aren't breaking any laws (are they?!)
Moving isn't an option for us for another 18 months - 2years. But I can't live like this anymore?!?!

OP posts:
Lemonnaise · 29/05/2017 18:50

Why are people saying to the OP that the child could have autism?...Is it beyond your thinking that children with autism are never neglected? I know a little boy with autism whose mother doesn't give a shit about him.

TheRealPooTroll · 29/05/2017 18:58

Well Kali the HV has asked her to stop harassing them and this was the first line of the OP
Right, I've just stormed downstairs to the flat below ours and screamed at them after 3 years of them being a total nightmare culminating in one foul-mouthed fury!

Maybe the children are being neglected. Maybe not. We have a one-sided and probably exaggerated account of what is going on here. The neighbour says she is being harassed. The op has gone from having no concerns for the welfare of the children and only being concerned about being disturbed to it now being all about the children.
It would be very interesting to read the neighbours account of what is going on.

MissBax · 29/05/2017 19:00

Erm no - the HV did not ask us to stop harassing them.
They told her we were, she came and spoke to us and said what we said actually makes alot of sense in relation to what she's seen and to contact her again with concerns.

OP posts:
Lemonnaise · 29/05/2017 19:01

The op has gone from having no concerns for the welfare of the children and only being concerned about being disturbed to it now being all about the children

Yes, because of the advice she was given on here. Lots of people told her it sounds as if there's cause for concern.

FanjoForTheMammaries · 29/05/2017 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissBax · 29/05/2017 19:04

HA! I'd also LOVE to know her account of things. My partner and I were discussing this todat saying I actually wonder how she could possibly give any version of events to make us look bad?
And if you think I'm exaggerating I'd love to swap places with you for 24hrs and let you see what we are dealing with.
We were going to get a part time lodger (one of OH's colleagues) last year. When he came and spent a day here he left saying he's sorry but he couldn't live hear because of the noise. We're even worried about what will happen when we come to sell the flat - if we have viewings when they're being noisy we will probably struggle.

OP posts:
TheRealPooTroll · 29/05/2017 19:04

This reply has been deleted

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MissBax · 29/05/2017 19:05

Bye then 👋

OP posts:
MissBax · 29/05/2017 19:05

Her exact words were "ahh that paints a bigger picture and makes a lot of sense"

OP posts:
NotYoda · 29/05/2017 19:06

HeyHo
Snitch?

OOOOOOH, you've cut me deep there!

On second thoughts, I'm not 5, so....

DixieNormas · 29/05/2017 19:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheRealPooTroll · 29/05/2017 19:08

And yet another drip/change to the story. Enjoy OP!

MissBax · 29/05/2017 19:08

TheRealPoo actually I said that much earlier on.

OP posts:
TheRealPooTroll · 29/05/2017 19:09

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MissBax · 29/05/2017 19:10

What the actual fuck are you on about?? So am I making it up? Is that your suggestion??

OP posts:
Beeziekn33ze · 29/05/2017 19:25

TheRealPoo - OP is not drip feeding. Look at page 2, 29/5/17 11:43:15

DawnMumsnet · 29/05/2017 19:33

Evening all,

As you can imagine, we've had a lot of reports about this thread. We've been in and deleted posts which we considered to be personal attacks - not on! - and others which were really not in the spirit of the site, and now we see there's troll hunting going on... Hmm

It looks like now would be a good time to remind everyone of our Talk Guidelines and to ask for a bit of peace and love all round, please. Flowers

user1489675144 · 29/05/2017 19:39

This sounds like neglectful parenting. Children need sleep, good routines, etc - children shouldn't be out and about till 1am on a regular basis, no wonder they are screaming and unruly. Perhaps she works in a bar or something and takes them with her?

Something doesn't sound right, no toys is odd.

hmmwhatatodo · 29/05/2017 19:40

Whatawaytomakealiving, thank you for comfirming what I said about books and toys earlier! I have been in so so many houses of Muslims from many countries and in nearly all the cases of first generation Muslims here they do not go in for toys and books and whatnot and when they do, it tends to be cheap stuff that doesn't get looked after. When I asked some of them why (they were friends) they said it's because toys were rarely bought in their countries and that toys available were poor quality . There was no understanding of educational type toys and I rarely met any that read for fun. I am not talking about families that have been here for ages and have had children through the schooling system here.

hmmwhatatodo · 29/05/2017 19:41

And yes, I also guessed they were probably a Muslim family before the op mentioned it!

Whatawaytomakealiving · 29/05/2017 19:47

Some of The families I work with are second and third generation, but still no toys.

Whatawaytomakealiving · 29/05/2017 19:50

And no routines. They don't do 'time', no punctuality, no calendars, no set bedtime for instance.
Family pressure and expectation could mean this lady is at relatives with her children.

LagunaBubbles · 29/05/2017 19:56

Therealpootroll, the OP is not drip feeding at all.

sparkleandsunshine · 29/05/2017 19:58

I do think you should report. You're right, if you don't report and something horrendous happens would you be ok with that x

Rachyabbadabbadoo · 29/05/2017 20:05

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