Neighbours kid!

[MissBax]

Right, I've just stormed downstairs to the flat below ours and screamed at them after 3 years of them being a total nightmare culminating in one foul-mouthed fury!
They have two children (son 5 and daughter 7).
They have NO routine - the children seem to be allowed to run riot in the flat no matter what time it is - 6am or 1am! They never seem to take the children out, when the sun is shining they shove them on the balcony where the kids then scream and shout constantly (i don't mean general children playing noise by the way - I mean FULL ON screeching and screaming). They don't discipline the son AT ALL - I've watched him throw food all over the communal areas of the building whilst the mum simply walks on. Or when he is screaming she just quietly goes "shh shh" to which he just yells and screeches over.
The mum takes them out at about 9pm at night and returns at 1am - just now they arrived home, kids shouting and screaming in the communal stairway for everyone to hear. They then slam doors downstairs, shouting and screaming commences. It has been like this for 3 YEARS!!!
We have spoken to their landlord - says he doesn't have any reason to take matters further which is fair enough (i suppose).
In the first year I actually befriended the mum and felt very sorry for her - she is clearly struggling to discipline and parent her own children. Dad seems useless by all accounts. I tried asking politely that they keep their windows and doors shut if the kids are screaming as their windows are only a matter of feet from ours and the sound travels so easily. They said they would. They don't!!
It's been so warm that I have to sleep with windows open but they are so loud it just wakes us up.
My OH went down around a year ago and had a more stern word about how it wasn't acceptable anymore and something has to change - we then had a visit from their Health Visitor stating that they'd complained that WE were harassing THEM!!! We were gobsmacked and explained that we actually have concerns that they aren't managing very well and that we constantly hear screaming and banging from the flat. -Just to give some context - we never hear anything from any other flat above us or to either side-
The HV seemed to understand and asked us to call if we have any other worries, which I have done a couple of time over the last 6 months - she doesn't put seatbelts on her kids when in the car for example, amongst other things.
Anyway - they came home tonight banging and screaming away at 1am as always and I just saw red. I went down and made it clear that I was at breaking point and that they were making my life hell. And low ad behold - not a peep out of them now - so they CAN shut the kids up when needed. So why don't they do this anyway when it's 1am and people around them are sleeping?!?!
I guess I was going to ask AIBU but after reading it back I don't think I am.
What I would like to ask though is what the hell can I do?? I don't think the children are being abused so can't exactly contact SS, the HV can't do a great deal either and they aren't breaking any laws (are they?!)
Moving isn't an option for us for another 18 months - 2years. But I can't live like this anymore?!?!

Totally true. Anybody can he neglectful and harmful to those around them.

As I said upthread we are all just DNA. We are all the same make up but we have different cultures/ religion etc.

It's no different what the extremist problems we have ATM - the extremists follow a certain religion. But. Or everyone if that religion is an extremist and supports their actions.

Couldn't agree more youare

i mean, this thread went from 'my noisy neighbours are shits and i hate them', via 'it's the kiddies i feel sorry for' and then straight to 'Muslims Do the Funniest Things'

what a rollercoaster.

Only if she is?? Oh another person accusing me of fabricating I take it?
Seeing as she doesn't live here and he isn't her patient, nor do the NSPCC ask for your job title, I don't see why this would happen.

i dunno it was just a thought

Also I can think my neighbours are noisy inconsiderate shits, whilst also thinking they need help to patent their children.
I made no comments about the parents culture and religion, I specifically stated I didn't want to mention it for that exact reason.

If you don't believe the information I've given, you can quite easily not comment.

don't you oppress me

What? I'm serious. Why comment on a post if you can't believe it? What's the point?

Nobody dares challenge something they think is detrimental to the well being of another for fear of being accused of being racist, homophobic, sexist, disablist -

I don't know where you work but this is certainly not the case where I work and in my previous post.
There are many children in the care system who have been removed because 'cultural norms' have been challenged.

If someone you work with isn't reporting abuse or neglect because a family is from a minority background you should be raising that as a concern with your managers.

Mumof4 who said that Muslims are more neglectful than others in their parenting? I simply pointed out that they often don't have many toys (and I'm not talking about for religious reasons such as dolls with faces). It's not an assumption, it's something myself and another's poster have seen countless times. That isn't trying to portray Muslims in a bad light, it's just stating what we have seen. In fact, I brought it up to let the op know that it isn't that unusual to find very few toys and that it isn't necessarily an sign of neglect, rather, it's something that isn't given much thought.

I understand your point hmm and yes I have met Muslim who do not see the value of toys but I have also met other parents of other faiths who also do not value toys. I am Muslim and have many Muslim friends and our children have many toys. Some cultures (not religion) do not have much value in toys.
Anyway I appreciate you were not painting Muslims in a bad light. Goodnight.

Jesus this thread is a ride

MrsDV I was talking about general public! (Nothing to do with my job role).

I think it's pertinent for people to remember muslims are a religious group. Some muslims from certain countries have different cultural norms re books, toys and routine etc.

Some Christians in other countries also have rules we as the western world would find unusual.

This isn't about religion or about cultural norms.

It's about safeguarding the well being of 2 young children and supporting their parents to raise them in a way that's best for their well being.

I simply pointed out that they often don't have many toys
My experience of working in the community for many years does not match yours.
some muslim families do not have a lot of toys.
some non muslim families do not have a lot of toys.

The reasons (if they are not religious) are usually the same regardless of background.
Some parents don't understand the importance of play in early development.
Some parents cannot afford toys
Some parents do not like the mess toys make.
Some parents feel that the kids don't need toys because they are constantly being stimulated by their cousins, aunties and uncles playing with them.
Also, and this is important, some parents do have lots of toys but keep the main reception room spotless and will not have toys in there. That space is for receiving visitors and not for anything else. You may find that the other rooms are packed with toys.

I worked in a part of the city that had a higher than average population of Muslim families. At least half of my caseload was Muslim.
My specialism was early development.
There was no trend that pointed towards Muslims having less interest in their child's development or any odd attitudes towards toys and play.

ONE family in ten years had dolls with no faces on them. That was odd to me but they were still allowing play and they were a super observant family.

Omg, the people screaming racism on this thread are shocking. The family who are neglecting their children just happen to be Muslim. I'm pretty sure the OP would have the same concerns about the children if the family were black/white/chinese/european

Since when did having concerns about 2 little children become a racial issue?

My experience chimes with MrsDVs.

I think the generalisation of hmm's post is inaccurate. It's that which people are questioning.

Also agree with MrsDV!

Dolls with no faces might be Waldorf/Steiner dolls?

They might have been but they were bought for religious reasons afaik windy
I didn't question the parents as to their reasons but I believe it was to do with reproducing the human face. Someone might be able to enlighten me if they are brave enough.

I think it is worth being aware that some parents are shit There are a lot of valid reasons being put forward for this behaviour, shift work, cultural differences, disability. However another reason is that they are poor parents. They simply don't know or don't care about the effect of sleep deprivation on their children. Some people simply don't know how to parent

I agree. To add further, some people are just plain shit and don't care about the affects their noise and/or behaviour has on other people.

OP, I admire your restraint in putting up with this for three years before cracking. Quite frankly, if I was in your shoes I wouldn't really care by now if there were religious/cultural/medical needs at play, I'd just want them to shut the hell up and let me live my life in peace.

I hope something is sorted out soon, before your baby arrives and is subjected to the noise as well. Unfortunately, I have to agree that the response from SS sounds rather generic, but hopefully something positive will come out of it nonetheless.

Hi all - just a quick update - banging was going on all night again last night. Contacted 101 and when the police went round mum was out and Dad was fast asleep, meanwhile the flat door was wide open. Police said they were able to just walk in.
I also told the police about my concerns the car / no seatbelts etc. They ran the vehicle through dvla when I was there and it's neither taxed nor MOT'd 😕
I'm just glad someone is listening now!
The police did say however that I shouldn't have gone down and to just call 101 if I have concerns again.

Oh Lordy what a worry - glad you are looking out for those kids OP, let's hope they get the help they clearly need

Hopefully this family will get the support they need soon. They sound totally overwhelmed with life ATM.