Neighbours kid!

[MissBax]

Right, I've just stormed downstairs to the flat below ours and screamed at them after 3 years of them being a total nightmare culminating in one foul-mouthed fury!
They have two children (son 5 and daughter 7).
They have NO routine - the children seem to be allowed to run riot in the flat no matter what time it is - 6am or 1am! They never seem to take the children out, when the sun is shining they shove them on the balcony where the kids then scream and shout constantly (i don't mean general children playing noise by the way - I mean FULL ON screeching and screaming). They don't discipline the son AT ALL - I've watched him throw food all over the communal areas of the building whilst the mum simply walks on. Or when he is screaming she just quietly goes "shh shh" to which he just yells and screeches over.
The mum takes them out at about 9pm at night and returns at 1am - just now they arrived home, kids shouting and screaming in the communal stairway for everyone to hear. They then slam doors downstairs, shouting and screaming commences. It has been like this for 3 YEARS!!!
We have spoken to their landlord - says he doesn't have any reason to take matters further which is fair enough (i suppose).
In the first year I actually befriended the mum and felt very sorry for her - she is clearly struggling to discipline and parent her own children. Dad seems useless by all accounts. I tried asking politely that they keep their windows and doors shut if the kids are screaming as their windows are only a matter of feet from ours and the sound travels so easily. They said they would. They don't!!
It's been so warm that I have to sleep with windows open but they are so loud it just wakes us up.
My OH went down around a year ago and had a more stern word about how it wasn't acceptable anymore and something has to change - we then had a visit from their Health Visitor stating that they'd complained that WE were harassing THEM!!! We were gobsmacked and explained that we actually have concerns that they aren't managing very well and that we constantly hear screaming and banging from the flat. -Just to give some context - we never hear anything from any other flat above us or to either side-
The HV seemed to understand and asked us to call if we have any other worries, which I have done a couple of time over the last 6 months - she doesn't put seatbelts on her kids when in the car for example, amongst other things.
Anyway - they came home tonight banging and screaming away at 1am as always and I just saw red. I went down and made it clear that I was at breaking point and that they were making my life hell. And low ad behold - not a peep out of them now - so they CAN shut the kids up when needed. So why don't they do this anyway when it's 1am and people around them are sleeping?!?!
I guess I was going to ask AIBU but after reading it back I don't think I am.
What I would like to ask though is what the hell can I do?? I don't think the children are being abused so can't exactly contact SS, the HV can't do a great deal either and they aren't breaking any laws (are they?!)
Moving isn't an option for us for another 18 months - 2years. But I can't live like this anymore?!?!

Start filming all the neglect on your phone. Just one minute films will do. Then you can email them to SS. I would especially send the ones with sitting screaming the car and being shut out on the balcony.

I first also thought that you would be an intolerant person but reading your posts I realized that this really is beyond normal. Normal is a baby crying or loud playing or a tantrum. This sounds way more often andmuch extremer than that. Poor kids. Poor you as well of course.

Only on MN would someone exhausted by noisy neighbours be deemed at fault by some.

Only on MN can someone with serious concerns about the welfare of 2 small children be accused of being judge and should be more tolerant due to religion and disability.

We all get emotional when we see cases like Baby P and Victoria C.
Questions were raised about why reports weren't filed and why no one noticed.

Imagine answering "oh because they are Muslim so we thought it was ok and we thought maybe the child had autism so didn't want to report".

Everyone is equal - everyone is just a load of DNA. Everyone has the right to be cared for and treated well. Every child has the right to be protected. Every parent has the right to social support when needed.

SS are not going to rock up and say "we believe your neglecting your children". They will take the information, contact other services involved with the child and possibly the neighbours and then visit the family if it's deemed necessary. They will carry out an assessment and signpost to the appropriate services. They will monitor the situation and offer further support if and when it's needed.

You go to a health care professional when you have a health issue and you go to a social care professional when you have a social problem. If the problem is with school then you go to education department.

Great post by youarenotkiddingme!

I'm probably going to get deleted for saying this but I think it is worth being aware that some parents are shit.
There are a lot of valid reasons being put forward for this behaviour, shift work, cultural differences, disability. However another reason is that they are poor parents. They simply don't know or don't care about the effect of sleep deprivation on their children.
Some people simply don't know how to parent.

I just wanted to say, not having read the entire thread I confess, that maybe the children sleep a long siesta. The movements of this family and the fact that the mother doesn't speak much English, makes me think that they come from a hot country where one sleeps during the hottest part of the day and enjoy the cool of the night and haven't been here long enough to change their life-style.

Not much help to you, OP, though.

Thanks again to everyone who has offered some ideas and support.
Fanjo - you don't have to leave the post. I read your comments in a bit of a rude tone but you've assured me that wasn't the intention so all is fine! People read my posts as being difficult and judgey too - it's not always easy to interpret over a post with no facial expression, tone of voice etc. I really did not intend to cause this much controversy about it. As other people have said there is nothing wrong with reporting if done with the right intent, which I have!

Absolutely report anything and everything you are concerned about but please leave the woman alone. If she is caring for disabled children and perhaps other relatives you swearing at/harassing her will be the last thing she needs.
It's interesting that the thread has moved on from the op where noise was your concern but you were confident the children weren't being neglected to drip feeds about neglect when the replies weren't to your liking. But I guess we have to take what people say on here at face value.

OP you have done the right thing reporting your concerns. I would do the same in your position and I am Muslim and have 2 boys with Autism.

I feel that regardless of their religion or the possibility of special needs this family really do need support. Hopefully they might get it if concerned neighbours report the situation.

For eg if I had a neighbour who wasn't strapping their children into their car I'd be knocking on their door to nicely chat to them about the law on car seats before complaining about noise

And I agree with the tone above. It doesn't matter where this family is from or expectations of their lives, the children deserve better. I wish locally I could persuade the local services of this.

Well done for reporting and putting the children's needs first. Too many professionals (and the community) are frightened of being accused of being anti which ever culture the children's heritage is.

The post earlier in the thread, from a poster living in an Arab country very much represents some communities here in Britain. I hope that when the HV visits she is allowed to even speak with the female parent.

That's uncalled for LaLegue

Yeah so annoying when people bang on about their kids disability like anyone gives a shit or that it's a major part of their life or something

I have reported this thread

What you are doing now is a personal attack

Even if they decide not to delete I think you need to stop

Good job people don't need to get their posts pre-approved by you then isn't it.
Strange you've been on here for a while yet I can't recall any of the not-at-all tiresome and fantastically insightful things you've posted.

^ my last post was to Lalegue, BTW

X-posted

perhaps other relatives you swearing at/harassing her will be the last thing she needs.
Where has op been swearing and harassing her?
Ouf spmeone had jkept me up for 3 years i think i'd be pissed too.
The op hasnt done anything wrong. Sounds like she tried to be a friend at the beginning.