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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Neighbours kid!

265 replies

MissBax · 29/05/2017 01:51

Right, I've just stormed downstairs to the flat below ours and screamed at them after 3 years of them being a total nightmare culminating in one foul-mouthed fury!
They have two children (son 5 and daughter 7).
They have NO routine - the children seem to be allowed to run riot in the flat no matter what time it is - 6am or 1am! They never seem to take the children out, when the sun is shining they shove them on the balcony where the kids then scream and shout constantly (i don't mean general children playing noise by the way - I mean FULL ON screeching and screaming). They don't discipline the son AT ALL - I've watched him throw food all over the communal areas of the building whilst the mum simply walks on. Or when he is screaming she just quietly goes "shh shh" to which he just yells and screeches over.
The mum takes them out at about 9pm at night and returns at 1am - just now they arrived home, kids shouting and screaming in the communal stairway for everyone to hear. They then slam doors downstairs, shouting and screaming commences. It has been like this for 3 YEARS!!!
We have spoken to their landlord - says he doesn't have any reason to take matters further which is fair enough (i suppose).
In the first year I actually befriended the mum and felt very sorry for her - she is clearly struggling to discipline and parent her own children. Dad seems useless by all accounts. I tried asking politely that they keep their windows and doors shut if the kids are screaming as their windows are only a matter of feet from ours and the sound travels so easily. They said they would. They don't!!
It's been so warm that I have to sleep with windows open but they are so loud it just wakes us up.
My OH went down around a year ago and had a more stern word about how it wasn't acceptable anymore and something has to change - we then had a visit from their Health Visitor stating that they'd complained that WE were harassing THEM!!! We were gobsmacked and explained that we actually have concerns that they aren't managing very well and that we constantly hear screaming and banging from the flat. -Just to give some context - we never hear anything from any other flat above us or to either side-
The HV seemed to understand and asked us to call if we have any other worries, which I have done a couple of time over the last 6 months - she doesn't put seatbelts on her kids when in the car for example, amongst other things.
Anyway - they came home tonight banging and screaming away at 1am as always and I just saw red. I went down and made it clear that I was at breaking point and that they were making my life hell. And low ad behold - not a peep out of them now - so they CAN shut the kids up when needed. So why don't they do this anyway when it's 1am and people around them are sleeping?!?!
I guess I was going to ask AIBU but after reading it back I don't think I am.
What I would like to ask though is what the hell can I do?? I don't think the children are being abused so can't exactly contact SS, the HV can't do a great deal either and they aren't breaking any laws (are they?!)
Moving isn't an option for us for another 18 months - 2years. But I can't live like this anymore?!?!

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 31/05/2017 14:01

That's a sad sounding situation. What was the banging from, if dad was asleep?

MissBax · 31/05/2017 14:07

pickle - the kids! They run up and down the flat, banging things against walls etc. I have NO IDEA how dad slept through it as it woke me and OH up!!!

OP posts:
youarenotkiddingme · 31/05/2017 16:53

Is it possible that dad drinks excessively or takes drugs? That might explain lack of awareness of doors being shut and/or the extremely deep sleep?

Or evidence of a MH problem when he completely shuts down and shuts out the world?

There's clearly a lot going on and hopefully your report will have set the wheels in motion for support for them.

MissBax · 31/05/2017 17:02

I did wonder whether there might be something like that going on. Who knows, hopefully it will be looked into asap now.
In other news, I had a call off children's services today following on from the NSPCC referall and the SW was incredibly rude. Kept reiterating "are you aware that you're making some very serious allegations" - erm, yes of course I'm aware that's why I'm making them - because they're serious!! She also said "we have a referall you've also made from 2015, so why nothing between now and then?"
I said well why if you had a referall in 2015 has it not already been looked at? Also I don't have time to be making referals left right and centre! I was really surprised. She left the conversation with "well we'll go through and decide whether it will be taken further". Hmmm - surely if she's acknowledging the seriousness of the allegations then it should definitely be looked at further. No wonder people are worried about saying anything, I was really disheartened.

OP posts:
blueskyinmarch · 31/05/2017 17:08

Don't worry about the social worker call - some sw are just arses. I say this as a sw myself! The police will have to put in a report to ss after they were out last night and I am sure on top of your concerns they will need to take action.

MissBax · 31/05/2017 17:11

bluesky - thanks for the reassurance. I was really surprised that they'd make people feel bad for referring?! But as you say, people can be arsey in all walks of life. Atleast the ball is rolling!

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 31/05/2017 17:45

I wonder whether the SW who called should have followed up two years ago. Maybe she's panicking a bit.

MissBax · 31/05/2017 17:48

Good point pickle! I thought, why should I have been doing the job for them? I made a referral two years ago (I'd actually forgotten I had) and one now - why am I being questioned that I haven't made more?! Confused

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picklemepopcorn · 31/05/2017 18:54

Don't let it out you off. If more incidents crop up, inform 101 or SS. The children need better. It is really tough for them to recover after a life like this, if things have been bad for a while.

youarenotkiddingme · 31/05/2017 21:32

She sounds a charmer Hmm

Hopefully with 2 reports and police involvement things will get moving.

I would continue to use 101 for safety issues etc and they'll refer to SS and it might carry more 'weight' that iyswim?

BackwoodsBarbie · 31/05/2017 23:03

The landlord should take steps to deal with the issues. Your neighbour's tenancy agreement is likely to include a clause prohibiting them from causing a nuisance or annoyance to neighbours. If they're in breach of it (which it sounds like they are) the landlord could take enforcement action. If I were you I'd approach him again to discuss. He'd need evidence to back up any action and that's where a log you kept of any incidents, recordings and/or noise monitoring via environmental health would help.

MissBax · 01/06/2017 08:31

Thanks Backwoods - I didn't realise that. When we'd contacted him a few years ago he did say that they'd lied and said they only had 1 child when they moved it, not two! Surely that should have been a bit of a red flag from the beginning - why lie?!
He lives on the other side of the country though so trying to get him to listen has been quite difficult!

OP posts:
TheFirstMrsDV · 01/06/2017 09:03

She left the conversation with "well we'll go through and decide whether it will be taken further

Nothing odd about that. It won't be her decision to make. They have a time limit in which to decide what their response will be. She wouldn't be able to tell you what they are going to do.

windypolar · 01/06/2017 09:27

It's sounding more odd, OP. I still think you did the right thing.

MissBax · 01/06/2017 10:34

MrsDV - I think it was more the way she kept emphasising how serious it is, and then said (in what seemed quite a blasé way) that it may or may not be looked into.
I wasn't expecting them to divulge the ins and outs of what would happen next, more just didn't quite understand what to make of her attitude!

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