Neighbours kid!

[MissBax]

Right, I've just stormed downstairs to the flat below ours and screamed at them after 3 years of them being a total nightmare culminating in one foul-mouthed fury!
They have two children (son 5 and daughter 7).
They have NO routine - the children seem to be allowed to run riot in the flat no matter what time it is - 6am or 1am! They never seem to take the children out, when the sun is shining they shove them on the balcony where the kids then scream and shout constantly (i don't mean general children playing noise by the way - I mean FULL ON screeching and screaming). They don't discipline the son AT ALL - I've watched him throw food all over the communal areas of the building whilst the mum simply walks on. Or when he is screaming she just quietly goes "shh shh" to which he just yells and screeches over.
The mum takes them out at about 9pm at night and returns at 1am - just now they arrived home, kids shouting and screaming in the communal stairway for everyone to hear. They then slam doors downstairs, shouting and screaming commences. It has been like this for 3 YEARS!!!
We have spoken to their landlord - says he doesn't have any reason to take matters further which is fair enough (i suppose).
In the first year I actually befriended the mum and felt very sorry for her - she is clearly struggling to discipline and parent her own children. Dad seems useless by all accounts. I tried asking politely that they keep their windows and doors shut if the kids are screaming as their windows are only a matter of feet from ours and the sound travels so easily. They said they would. They don't!!
It's been so warm that I have to sleep with windows open but they are so loud it just wakes us up.
My OH went down around a year ago and had a more stern word about how it wasn't acceptable anymore and something has to change - we then had a visit from their Health Visitor stating that they'd complained that WE were harassing THEM!!! We were gobsmacked and explained that we actually have concerns that they aren't managing very well and that we constantly hear screaming and banging from the flat. -Just to give some context - we never hear anything from any other flat above us or to either side-
The HV seemed to understand and asked us to call if we have any other worries, which I have done a couple of time over the last 6 months - she doesn't put seatbelts on her kids when in the car for example, amongst other things.
Anyway - they came home tonight banging and screaming away at 1am as always and I just saw red. I went down and made it clear that I was at breaking point and that they were making my life hell. And low ad behold - not a peep out of them now - so they CAN shut the kids up when needed. So why don't they do this anyway when it's 1am and people around them are sleeping?!?!
I guess I was going to ask AIBU but after reading it back I don't think I am.
What I would like to ask though is what the hell can I do?? I don't think the children are being abused so can't exactly contact SS, the HV can't do a great deal either and they aren't breaking any laws (are they?!)
Moving isn't an option for us for another 18 months - 2years. But I can't live like this anymore?!?!

Spikyball - what tone is suitable after 3 years of interrupted sleep?

spikey - obviously last night I'd been kept awake and was really pissed off. When I wrote down everything in that post I realised just how bad it had gotten, and following comments I had responded to explain a bit more background a bit more rationally.
Fanjo - I understand that you'd be taken aback if you had SS rock up to your door. But on the other hand if something suspect WAS occurring, wouldn't people wonder why neighbours hadn't made a referral at the risk of being "meddling" or offending?

The problem is there are so many goady types that come on here with similar sounding posts and people get irritated by it.
I do agree with you that the family need more support.

Halle71, I have had 11 years of interrupted sleep. I know what it feels like.

Because of someone else's selfish behaviour Spikey?

Fanjo

You've explained. And I feel that the OP has listened and responded rationally to all of your posts

Fanjo I'm not sure what you want from the op? That she decides not to report because the child definitely has ASD and the family are using all suggested strategies but there is nothing more they can do?

Either this is a family with a need for support or it isn't. Op should not be the person making that decision and reporting takes it out of her hands and into those of a professional.

As you know all people with autism are not the same, therefore it is not possible to say that the best way to manage this young person (and op doesn't know if he does have additional needs) is to remain in the house shouting and screaming.

Halle, you don't know it is selfish do you?

Fanjo it may be I misread the tone of your posts. And I'm sorry if I did.
They read to me like a constant need to suggest this lad may have autism was a reason why the op should just butt out and leave it. Sometimes on threads like these information like "doesn't talk much" is needed for context rather than a dig.

Fanjo your second batch of threads all aimed at me suggest that the family should be upset if SS turn up.
Which is it - family are in crisis and need support despite the fact boy may have autism or family should be allowed to continue to flounder and all members suffer because the boy may have autism.

Thanks neouf I'm glad someone else is reading it as I am

OP I would leave this thread now if I were you, you've made the right decision and I'm glad writing it all down and getting it off your chest has helped clarify things for you :)

I don't know why some people need to go on and on about every possible hypothetical situation that might be happening and judge the OP based on their own experiences, which are completely different.

The family already seem to need extra support since having the HV, but let's not pretend that support in this country is perfect by any means and so if you do report concerns, I think you can do so knowing you have the best intentions. If they are SEN then the HV or someone along the line will know this. If not, then they clearly do need additional support or intervention. The OP is not doing anything wrong by those children for being concerned and wanting their lifestyles to change.

Yes, I agree

Just picking up earlier comments, this family may not provide toys and may not understand how to stimulate and interact with their children. In my experience, the Muslim families I work with don't have toys or books. Play isn't valued. In fact education or learning isn't understood or valued either. This isn't all Musilm families but very definite in some communities.

Professionals locally accept this as 'cultural', two year old health checks, even when children are severely low developmentally are accepted. Lack of interaction, parental skill and willingness to be involved in matching their children's needs is accepted.

That isn't racist, isn't stereotypical, just knowledge of this particular community. This may reflect the experiences of some of you here, but like other communities may also be particular to certain parts of it.

You made her aware and she answered you. It's all good.

The OP was being judgemental, let's not kids ourselves.

But if she's worried, report anyway.

Op so sorry you've been absolutely railroaded on this thread by people with their own agenda as soon as the two key words (Muslim & Autism) were mentioned it was like red rags to a bull.

In British culture this behaviour is abusive, end of. The family are known already to SS so you need to report how they are living.
Children cannot thrive in an environment with no toys and hardly any sleep or routine regardless of their religious beliefs!

Put pressure on the landlord too, the last thing he wants is nuisance tenants upsetting the neighbours.

Here we go indeed.