To hate spending time with my dcs?

[Backtohospitalagain]

I know I'm completely unreasonable and awful and a shitty mum. I hope it's just a phase but I don't know.

I work and see them for about 2 hours in the morning and 3 hours before bed. Then all weekend. I can just about bear it during the week but weekends just drag and this weekend has been awful to be honest.

They are good children (1.5 and 3) but constantly hard work, I can't sit down for a second it seems. Another long day with them tomorrow.

I'm going to drink a bottle of wine to myself tonight as I just need to escape. Their dad (my DP) is here so they're safe even if I'm pissed.

I'm tired and aching and really fucking fed up.

Hmmm. I don't really have much advice, but I certainly feel the same sometimes. Whiny preschoolers and a demonic toddler. What has worked well for us is a very structured day. So....Play quietly til breakfast, 20 mins TV while I tidy up and get ready and put tea in slow cooker. TV off, kids dressed/teeth/hair then out somewhere. Home, lunch, toddler in bed....and me and twins on the sofa with a blanket and Netflix. It's amazing. Best hour of the day. We doze on each other sometimes, I play with their hair and go on my phone and it's lovely. Then the afternoon goes quickly and we are done with the day.

Just tidying up and came across the book Five Minutes Peace. It's a children's book but clearly written for adults - might make you smile. Brilliant tips above too.

That sounds a bit brutal. We are done with the day but we are all friends at the end of it. I'm a big oxytocin junkie and the girls are too, so that hour of skin-to-skin, smelling each other and touching each other, is just vital for me to reconnect with them.

Lots of better advice than I could give on here but just wanted to say you're not alone - it's fucking tough. Just remember, this won't last forever. They will keep growing, it will get easier, you will get your life back.

God parenting is the hardest job I've ever done (and boy have I done some shitty jobs). My DS is 7 but we are currently waiting to see if he has autism - some days are so difficult. I find taking myself off for a little cry often helps! I also know that if I'm struggling, I need some me time. As a mum and full-time worker you will be filling up everyone's cup but who's filling up yours? You can't function as a mum when you're exhausted and depleted so please take time out - even if it's just a quick bath or a walk around the block. It does get easier and I admire you having two as I can barely cope with one 😂 Oh and also anyone who says they never struggle are liars - everyone goes through this. Good luck and look after yourself - you can't be a good mum if you don't do that!

So much great advice and good ideas to get you through. You can't be a shitty mum when you acknowledge that your children are safe even if you're pissed! I am not judging you- but if drinking a bottle of wine continues to be your only escape please take care and consider talking to someone who you trust and could help if you need it.

My kids are the same age and I'm a SAHM. Some days are great and we have a ball but a lot of the time is stressful and boring. I definitely find it easier being out but so many things are so expensive for two. We went to a local crap softplay last week and it was a fiver each to get in, and they were bored after about ten minutes.

I also find it really difficult getting them out of the house, teeth brushed, ironed clothes, faces washed, shoes on, snacks ready. And the house not a total shit tip to come back to. It's really hard, its relentless and it's really boring.

Small children manage to be both lush and fucking boring. Lots of intelligent adults feel the same. You do get more of your life back in time. Hang in there; you're feelings are completely normal!

Yep I forgot one thing which is cuddle, tickle and lots of affection! I find this hard sometimes when I'm pissed off and grumpy BUT I make myself do it because actually the kids love it and it makes us all happy. We also often start the day (even before school) by all dancing to a favourite song. At first I let the DCs do it alone but now I join in (swing them about etc) and they absolutely love it. It makes us all smile and helps me start the day positively. This only came about because my DH can play songs through our radio via Spotify. He always picks something upbeat and fun and it comes on when he's left for work and I'm usually starting to feel stressed! It really does help 😀

You are absolutely not a shit mum. Everyone I know feels like this at times. The fact you feel guilty about it shows you care.

I count down the last hour to bed time more often than I should, frantically tidying up at the same time so I can get my feet up for a rest asap. You love them and want the best for them but it is no surprise that you have different interests to a toddler.

Enjoy your wine, switch off for a bit and you will be ready to be mum again in the morning. X

Yes, tickles are great. But I agree that it's too expensive going out to soft play etc all the time. We have annual membership to a little zoo with a soft play in the cafe - it means that we can just go for an hour or something and I don't feel we have to spend all day there to get our money's worth

Parenting is very full on and not as enjoyable when they are the ages you have op. It's tantrum central and the little one in particular you pretty much need eyes on all the time. It's relentless and there's no break.
Another year or so and they will play more happily together and you'll be able to get on with a bit of stuff or even get the occasional hot cup of tea! And as they get older it does become genuinely enjoyable when you can do things like board games, going on walks, bike rides etc without the tantrums. That's just my take on it - I'm sure there are some weirdos people that prefer the toddler stage.

OP I remember this stage well. I had a 4 yo, a 1 year old and was 6months pregnant. It's very easy to get in a rut and bogged down with it all. It's hard to keep young children entertained and it's very tiring.
But try not to let it get you down. Can your dp not take the children to the park for a couple of hrs at the weekend, go get your nails done, a facial or meet with friends for a lunch. I would advice trying to get out of the house as much as possible as I found staying in made me feel worse.
It doesn't last and it does get easier. My eldest is now 18 and youngest 11. Don't feel too bad, you obviously love them otherwise you wouldnt be bothered about how your feeling. I think a lot of parents go through this especially with very young children, I think your very brave to say so.
You definitely need to make time in the week just for you.

Totally empathise. It's hard work. IT will get better but for now try and plan in some treats for yourself even if it's just half an hour with a magazine while your dp watches them.

I find it so much easier to take them out. Could you go to a nice country park somewhere and have a walk around? Keep youngest in the pram and let the older one have a safe run around? Maybe somewhere with a park and animals? During the week i go to alot of toddler groups i find its easier than having my house upside down alday, you can have a chat to other mums and you dont feel like youre the only one having a hard time. Also soft play centres are good, you could actually (maybe) sit and have a brew next to them while they play and know they are safe?

Gosh yes it gets better. But I still feel it even though mine are 10 and 7. I have so looked forward to a week off work but found it rubbish today - they argued constantly and were awful. I had probably built it up to be marvellous and it was just a usual day. I dunno. Didn't help DH was working the bank hol.

It's so heartening to share that we don't always find being a parent all cupcakes and rainbows.

I'm lucky to work part time and it suits me I love going to work for a rest! Unfortunately you are spending the morning with your kids rushing to get ready and then coming home from work having to get tea and do bedtime routines with 2 probably tired grumpy toddlers. When you just want to sit down and have 5 mins to yourself. On a weekend your kids probably want every piece of you. It is bloody hard but I'm sad you don't seem to enjoy any part of it. I have a just 2yr old and a 6 year old. The 6 year old is bloody relentless I can't deny although of course I love him to bits. my 2 year old is a wrecking ball but he makes smile everyday. My 6 year old was stressful as a baby health problems and first time mum panic about everything being perfect meant I couldn't wait for him to get older & I swore no more. But hey 4 years later baby 2. He is a greedy wrecking ball but he makes my heart sing the cuddles the laughter and not stressing about being a perfect mum. Some days I could scream but others I see my 2 boys together and feel so happy. Do what you can to make life easier. Don't worry about every meal made from scratch that they don't eat there's nothing wrong with fish fingers & chips and my 2 year old loves the fresh toddler meals from the supermarket. Buy loads of storage so you can chuck toys into. Surface wipes are good enough for cleaning most the time. Definitely go out on a weekend at least if you are in the soft play they are not wrecking your house and they burn some energy. Finish work an hour early every now & then go to the shops on your own it's s revelation! If you have a garden if it's dry chuck them out mine are out from 7.30am at this time of year & they love it they are filfthy but hey! It is bloody hard sometimes but don't sweat the small stuff who cares if the house is a bit of a mess & the kids had a ready meal one day. Don't miss the good stuff. I've always stuck to routines to make life easier if they are well fed and not tired or thirsty a lot of hassle is avoided. If you can't get out have friends round when the kids can play in the garden or have gone to bed. Treat yourself to a takeaway as well as that glass of wine x

They are really hard work at this age, i have a 2 year old. I also have an 8 year old and it has got much easier with him now hes older but i remember when he was a toddler how knackered i was then too. I cant imagine having 2 under 4years you must be shattered.

Oh and definitely CBeebies, iPad and bribery. Some days I cannot get the 2 year in the car without lollies so to make me feel better I buy sugar free chupa chups 😬

I completely sympathise, children that age are a complete pain in the arse, even though, yes of course they are also adorable and you love them and all that.

What jumps out at me is your coping mechanism of a BOTTLE of wine! Obviously you don't need me to tell you it's a poor strategy. I know I have been there. I don't drink any more, and I am a completely different parent now. The whole "ooh haha naughty mummy drinks gin" meme really bores me. Once I stopped drinking, I was no longer longing for the day to be over so I could get the wine out. I didn't get impatient with my children getting ready for bed. Or rather, yes I do, because I'm human and not a saint, but not nearly to the same extent.

So, be really honest with yourself about your drinking levels. Because if you're already tired and stressed and your unit count is above 20 units a week or something like that, it's undoubtedly contributing to your low mood and lack of patience.

However, also need some positives in your life, and it sounds like you never get any time to yourself or to do things you might enjoy. Please make time for those things. Initially you will feel like you're taking the piss and skiving off, but really you're not you're doing something really positive for yourself and therefore your family.

Don't think about trying to relax at home, unless your children are at least 5 miles away. It never works with kids that age and you end up more frustrated. Find something you can do eg go for a massage, swimming, meet a friend for lunch, etc. And offer to enable your husband to do the same. And do more things as a couple. Easy to say I know, but start with just a small thing and build up. And don't beat yourself up, show yourself some of the care that everyone needs to be a functional human being. Good luck. x

I hate weekends because my youngest two fight - they are boys aged 9 and 7 and they fight relentlessly all weekend. They have not ever hit another child and are very well behaved and liked at school but at home they knock seven bells out of each other, gusts in the face. Biting, screaming, the works. Add to this two sulky Teenagers and I can't wait for Monday mornings and despair over bank holidays!
I just don't know what to do with the fighting, it's unbearable.

38cody I send my teenagers to different parts in the house if they start bickering. One to their room the other the kitchen. Once they agree to resolve the issue they are allowed come out. I have 3 teenagers and an 11 yo. Same with the younger 2..they don't seem to be able to be in the same room without arguing, I've accepted it's just part of parenting. The older 2 are rarely here and don't tend to argue that much anymore (in fact they even went to waterworld together as a foursome bf/gf ) so it's the 14 and 11 yo more often than not. It does get better..they realise at some point that it's easier to get along.

You are just exhausted.

Is there any way you could take a holiday? Even just for a few days?

I sometimes just go hiking or driving around Scotland. I come back feeling recharged and ready to face another week.

Be kind to yourself!

This thread has made me feel so much less guilty. My dd is now 13 but I had to go back to work when she was 6 months old. I remember getting to my desk at work and bursting into tears. Colleagues were so lovely, telling me I'd be seeing her again in a few hours. I didn't dare tell them they were tears of joy!

Firstly, seriously well done for reaching out. I have four children, now 19, 15, 14 and a baby at 17 months. I remember those days well!!. I raised my three older children by myself from when the younger one was 3. I know exactly how you feel. It feels awful, but your missing something really important. Because you feel so bad about it all and feeling like this, is a good thing. You are a great mum because you want things to be better. Your knackered, over stretched and have lost yourself. All of this can be changed. It's easy to say make time for yourself, but it takes strength to take that time whereas I bet you feel undeserving and guilty, and quite frankly have no idea at all what to do with yourself. This will sound odd but I promise you it is simply a case of mind over matter. Whenever any of us feel tired etc we feel down, overwhelmed not coping etc. Could you take a day off work or two even if it's a sickie. Get the kids to childcare and then think about how the days have been going, from the moment you wake up til the minute you drop into bed. Mornings can be chaos, so what can you do to help, i.e. Do you run around like a nutter trying to find clothes, making snack boxes, shoving breakfast at the kids? How can you change this? Just a tweak here and there can make the world of difference. I got my boys a canvas board and wrote clearly 5 steps for them to do each morning independently and five at night. Once accomplished, a treat was rewarded either each day or a bigger goal i.e. Trip to farm or lego. There little faces were delighted to take this challenge on and just seeing that independence and success makes you feel like a very accomplished parent. Spending time with kids isn't just about being there for every whim. That's bloomin draining. Take control back by putting somebody of the responsibility on them. Of course your youngest may not be quite up for this, but will hopefully follow, copy the older one. I'm 6 to 12 months your little one will be playing with the older one, so less focus on you. Your a lovely honest parent and a day or two to gather yourself will be great for you. I found it a struggle to even think sometimes, but whenever I pulled myself back into check it all seemed so much easier. I'm guessing your reactive at the moment rather than proactive in terms of managing the little rug eats. Proactive approach sounds harder but it's actually far easier. So many parents feel exactly the same as you but put on a face of perfection for the world. What's the point. Don't worry about how everyone else appears to be doing things. It's sadly almost a trend to look like the perfect mum, without actually really achieving it. Get those two days off, your partner could be a great support maybe take a couple of days off with him. Drop off kids, go back to bed, go for lunch, discuss rugrats and afterwards go and get bits for the chart. Keep it simple, and make it achievable. Explain to older child and then the next night off you go In aiming for that happiness you deserve. I'm here if you need me xx