To hate spending time with my dcs?

[Backtohospitalagain]

I know I'm completely unreasonable and awful and a shitty mum. I hope it's just a phase but I don't know.

I work and see them for about 2 hours in the morning and 3 hours before bed. Then all weekend. I can just about bear it during the week but weekends just drag and this weekend has been awful to be honest.

They are good children (1.5 and 3) but constantly hard work, I can't sit down for a second it seems. Another long day with them tomorrow.

I'm going to drink a bottle of wine to myself tonight as I just need to escape. Their dad (my DP) is here so they're safe even if I'm pissed.

I'm tired and aching and really fucking fed up.

How long have you felt like this?
Do you struggle to engage with them?
Do you find it easy to play with them?
What specific issues do you have? Is it their behaviour? Routine? The mess they make? The noise?

Bath and bed (Freudian slip)

It's tough going parenting kids at that age, let alone working on top of it.

I'm a sahm but found weekends particularly hard. During the week you have the routine of work in your case, playgroups, etc in mine. But come the weekend I always felt kind of adrift, specially as my DH works most of them.

My sanity was saved by parks in good weather and shelling out for soft play centres on rainy days. If you get chance it's a good idea to check out the weekend weather and try to get at least one thing planned. Makes a difference to know you've got something sorted for them.

I would say they are difficult ages and you are perfectly entitled to admit it. My littlest is about to turn 3 and it is easier, definitely. Even so, each weekend is a juggle of logistics and I am ok with that. Do you have friends with similar aged kids? I find don't stuff with others at the weekends helps a lot.

It's incredibly hard at that age I remember taking mine out and then they'd fall asleep on the way home in the car, id then sit outside my house in the car for half an hour before going in cos I knew they'd wake up if I moved them and just needed some peace and quiet. I've got loads of photos of them on my phone, both fast asleep, with a comment underneath saying silence at last 😂 It does get easier

The only way to cope is time away from them if possible.

I waited 3 years for ds1, took 10 years to get ds2. I should be grateful yadayadayada, but dear God, I could get into my car and just drive off several times a day.
We do it in shifts me & dh.

I spend minimal time with them at the moment to shield them from the screaming banshee that I turn into when they start the fighting, screaming, squabbling, creating chaos, mess, noise levels.
As a quiet introvert, I just cannot cope with it all.

Anyway, I'm told it will get better, we just need to get through each day until it does I suppose.

I think getting up and going to bed are the worst of times in a day with small children.

Can you split the weekend up a bit. You get to leave children with dp for a couple of hours and then you do vice Versa?

ImNotReallyReal, yes, it is day after day of the same crap. OP, most of my friends feel like this too. The exceptions are the ones who find parenting easy. I ask them how they do and they can't explain it which is not their fault but is hugely unhelpful .

I know if I could spend more time with them and play with them more things would improve. What I can't for the life of me figure out is when? House is a shit tip and any free time in the daytime is spent looking for things or tidying up things they have trashed. Any extra time goes on refereeing them. The mess is awful. Argue with DH as no idea how best to discipline. Waiting to go on a parenting course.

It gets easier. I blanked out the first couple of years of DS2's life because having 2 under 5s was just relentless and not fun. But I was stuck at home with them in a new area where I knew nobody and all the local mums and tots groups were cliquey. It gets easier when they can hold a conversation and become a little more independent and less draining. Then they turn sulky like my 11 year old and become unpleasant to spend any length of time with

I don't normally post, I'm a bit of a 'lurker' but the comments 'your poor kids' and 'are you a bit depressed hun? ' have pissed me off

Yeah I was wondering if we've been invaded of late or it's always been like that and I haven't noticed!

It's a shit age OP and people who say they enjoy every minute are either on something or have outside help.

When do you get your full day off? At least once a month when you have someone to share the load a good 6 hours to yourself really helps. Mines 10 now and I get that most weeks. It's something to look forward to.

It does get easier the older they get.

1.5 and 3 is a very very hard stage.

My advice:

1. Remember it will get better. Mine are now 4 and 2 and things are soooo much better than a year ago - still hard work but less so and they are much more fun/interesting to be with and chat to.

2. Make sure your DP is pulling his weight. I look forward to weekends as I know DH will be there to share the load 50/50. If weekends are harder than weekdays for you does that mean your DP isn't doing his share?

3. This may not be possible but I wonder if a different working pattern would improve things for you. I work long hours but 4 days a week. So I see my DC less than you in the mornings/evenings but have a whole day wiht them Fridays. This works better as mornings/evenings tend to be tired and stressful so are the worst time to see DC really. Could you do longer hours but 4 days?

I thou k your expectations are wrong. I have never expected to be able to have a minute to sit down with my young children! 6am to 7pm is all about swimming, parks, scooting, playing, sorting out arguments, forcing them to eat a few veg...and having fun with them. Then when they go to bed, you can relax or go out with your friends/DH. What would you like to be able to do during the weekend?

"What I can't for the life of me figure out is when?"

Just sod the housework and go and do something Fun tomorrow.

It's a Bank Holiday. Have a day off from the daily grind :-) You'll feel much better for it, promise.

If the house is getting you down then can you or your DP tackle it while the other takes the kids out? Will be a day/weekend job. Organise their toys - tubs for different things. I try to stash some stuff away and rotate so they don't get bored. Bin and charity shop anything unwanted, broken etc.
Decluttering helps my head space a lot! It's miserable living in an untidy house if you don't like it that way.
Can you divide and conquer kids sometimes too - 1-2-1 time with one child and one parent. Might feel like nicer time for playing sometimes rather than refereeing.
Agree about getting out doors too, give them space to run where you're not having to constantly watch what they're doing. Good luck, toddlers are tough!

I'm an introvert as someone else mentioned, and just being with my DC for such long periods of time non-stop has been one of the hardest things about parenting for me. Just always having someone talking to me, or knowing they might, and having to stop my train of thought every 4 seconds to deal with something, brings me to my knees emotionally - though of course I love them, and really like them too and think they are fab.

It does get easier as they get older, mine are primary school age now and will entertain themselves for a bit and of course they get better as self-care, so they can go to the toilet or get a snack and you don't have to do everything.

But yes to taking turns with OH and getting time alone. Really helps.

YANBU
I think we all find this stage tough
Look after the basics -
Are you sleeping ok? If not, how can you start to sort it out?
Are you eating ok? Big fan of weekend batch-cooking here, then food in the week is already sorted, just needing reheating. Saves time in the long run.
Can you do a dog-walk daily? (even if you don't have one) Exercise outside lifts the mood.
Do you need distraction / 'processing thoughts' time? Try a colouring book for adults or even just washing up is good!
Look after your DCs DMum. You.

Don't pin too much hope on it getting better. Try to find some strategies to deal with it.

Mine are now 7 and 5 and they make me unhappy far more often then they make me happy. The whole weekend has been one moaning/whining session after the next. We try to take them out do things with them, engage them with projects that are their own idea and they just spend the whole time complaining it's not right/not enough/they want to eat constantly but refuse anything healthy. Crying/whining/moaning/shouting/ complaining. About 80% of their waking time.

I honestly thought parenting would be sharing all the things I love with my kids. I thought that when I sang they'd join in, when I wanted a walk in the sunshine we're share it together, when I pointed out bits of wildlife they're listen and ask questions. But no. The reality is a wall of complaint and resistance.

We made the mistake of seeing friends (with their kids) so they got to bed late. Tiredness = worse behaviour. It's easiest to just isolate yourself then you can get them to bed on time and they won't embarrass you in public.

herethereandeverywhere, mine are 6 and 4 . Re. the house. I read a post on here about someone who took a week off work and put children in daycare to get it sorted. That's what I need to do. A day doesn't cut it.

I find weekends far harder than weekdays when DH is around. He pulls his weight but the kids' behaviour is worse when we are both around (have spent years trying to sort this to no avail). Totally stressful.

Sorry OP, I doubt this is reassuring. Except maybe to say you are so not alone. I would love to spend a weekend sorting the house but since that will never happen maybe I should just take the advice and take them out.

Any tips for how to get out of the cycle of shitness? Taking them out for something 'fun' still means as soon as we walk though the door I am confronted by mess.

Waiting until my DD2 goes to school in the hope of tidying the house and having a massive declutter.

OP you are not a shitty mum. I have a 1 year old and a 4 year old and I really wish tomorrow wasn't a bank holiday.

They are actually amazing, lovely kids but God, I get so bored when I'm with them all day! The games, the incessant questions, wiping noses and arses all day long, picking all the stuff of the floor etc etc. Its all so repetitive and dull. I'm mentally drained from the laboriousness of it all.

As pp have said, get out of the house as much as possible to break the day up if you can.

Can you do a dog-walk daily? (even if you don't have one)

Made me

God I felt exactly the same when DS 1 was a toddler. The early morning wake ups constant mess mindless play. And I loved him so much. DH and I used to split up the time so we could each have time to ourselves. Winter was the worst.... cabin fever tantrums and endless children's tv. You have to get outside and go somewhere and try to do things as a family so that you have another adult with you. Ds is now 5 and ds2 is 22 months much better this time round.

1.5 and 3 are difficult ages. It's not unusual to feel overwhelmed with 2 toddlers to look after.

I agree you need to find time when it's not work or children and do something for yourself.

Mine are the same ages and are very challenging at the moment. DH and I 'divide and conquer' on a Saturday, I take the older one to an activity, he takes the younger one for a swim, walk etc. Sunday we either stay home in the garden or go out as a family.

DS gets up at 5.30 every...the days are long and the kids are relentless! I hope it gets better but I think it just gets different at the next age, I'm looking forward to them getting a bit more independent.
I wouldn't drink a whole bottle purely as I couldn't stand the bad head the next day, I'm having one drink tonight then off to bed.

can you write down what you do love.try and turn it round a little and think bout all the things you love in your life,with ur kids.no matter how tiny.the way they smile.the sunshine in the morning.the way they pronounce cucumber.how you see yourself in there frowns.looking forward to teaching them to run,work,write,laugh more.
anything you love.some music.to draw.an audio book.they may seem small but they build so much to making them albe to cope