To hate spending time with my dcs?

[Backtohospitalagain]

I know I'm completely unreasonable and awful and a shitty mum. I hope it's just a phase but I don't know.

I work and see them for about 2 hours in the morning and 3 hours before bed. Then all weekend. I can just about bear it during the week but weekends just drag and this weekend has been awful to be honest.

They are good children (1.5 and 3) but constantly hard work, I can't sit down for a second it seems. Another long day with them tomorrow.

I'm going to drink a bottle of wine to myself tonight as I just need to escape. Their dad (my DP) is here so they're safe even if I'm pissed.

I'm tired and aching and really fucking fed up.

LordBeef, was it just time that improved things? So miserable to find it stressful the whole time.

Your poor children

Who put 50p in the dickhead?

OP please ignore this nobber.

That age is hard work. I found it relentless. I identify with your post.

It became easier.

Take all the help that's on offer. Make sure OH is pullling his weight.

Ahh this makes me feel less monstrous for saying to DS after 14 days on holiday (just the two of us, not many other English speaking kids where we were) "I'm looking forward to going back to work on Monday". Lone parent, work full time and I do get a day & night off once a week so today I have done absolutely tons of spring cleaning after a lie in until 8.30 and coffee in bed (made by myself but nobody jumped on me to spill it). Now MNing and having a well deserved beer as bank holiday + football tournament means I get an extra night and half day "off"! Can you get a day off somehow? Even take some leave when they are at nursery, go back to bed, read magazines, watch a box set, eat a Magnum for lunch. Just rest.

Another one here with DCs of similar age, posting in solidarity.

I practically said everything you've written in your post verbatim to DH as I was swallowing back tears this morning in the kitchen, after dealing with three shitty nappies and a shitty cat litter tray, all before 8am.

I would just kill for a bit of glamour, you know? It does feel joyless and relentless.

Where are the parents that find it easy? I need them to give me some tips .

Apologies for my lack of support. OP, I hope things do get easier and you experience the joys of parenting. Sorry again.

I remember driving my two round sobbing with the relentless of it all once when they were 2 and 1. Tears just streaming down my face. Xh worked away, we were in a new area miles away from family. I then had the treat of going through a messy divorce.

Anyway, I got some good friends, enrolled on courses, found a job and a lovely dp and life is so much better now. Dp is away this weekend and the dcs and I have had some lovely adventures. At 10 and 9 they are great company, pretty self sufficient and very portable. They put themselves to bed when they're tired and don't wake me up in the mornings. It's absolutely nothing like the slog it used to be

18 months old - can't communicate with words so act up.

3 years old - just completely unreasonable most of the time. Can communicate with words very fucking well.

Add in that you have both age groups, yanbu.

Take them out to the park and give the 3 year old a list of things to find to tick off a list. Get the 18 month old to spot dogs. Just anything to stop them fighting/screaming/being annoying.

I remember those days well. Early starts and by 8am you'd been up for 2 hours, were already demented from the 'mum, mum, muuuum!' every two minutes and counting down the hours til bedtime.

It does get better. I promise.

I also advocate taking a days leave or a sick day and just taking a day to heal your soul.

op my kids are both at school 4 and 5. And I find them fucking relentless. It does get better but i still get hardly any time to myself ( work doesnt count!). Alot will depend on your kids too. Mine are very whiny, moany and still need so much attention. It has improved but it was absolutely horrific when they were younger.

Just to add, I was a single parent to both my girls. DD1 was 7 when DD2 was born and by the time DD2 was 8 months old I was on my own again.

But when it was just me and DD1 I was working full time and it was utterly exhausting. I barely had time to get anything done Monday to Friday so made sure that Saturday mornings we would do the food shop, Saturday afternoons we would get some basic house stuff done and then amble over to the park for a couple of hours. I often did a picnic lunch in the house on wet days so we would just lie about watching TV.

Sundays I made sure we got out and did something. We quite often got the bus to a museum which was massive and I could let her trundle about on her little legs before it got busy. Ditto shopping centres before the hordes arrived, she could just run up and down in an empty space! Ideal on wet days.

Or I would put her wellies on and just let her play in puddles outside our flat and then take her in for a bath. A lot of what we did was free things but tired her out and then it was easier in the afternoon as she was tired and happy to just sit with her toys or watch a dvd or let me read to her.

Those ages are relentless and tedious. It does get better when they can be more reasonable!

Thank you so much, everyone, for sharing your experiences. I love my DS (20 months) so much but he is exhausting and I find myself wishing away the hours. I'm relieved to hear that others find it difficult too. Some days are filled with smiles and games and giggles but other days (like today!!!) are full of tantrums, tears and scratching/biting and I just feel so wrung out.

Fairly I don't know anyone who finds parenting easy!! Not one! I think people like to pretend they are loving every second of their childs development but in reality most of us are thinking 'wtf?' half the time.

Definitely gets easier as they get older, yes each stage brings it's own new dramas and challenges (we won't mention the teen years which aged me beyond belief - and I still need to get the last one through that stage) but toddlers are just so hard to deal with. They are unreasonable, incredibly demanding, they climb on you all the time, they touch you with sticky hands, they follow you fucking everywhere and people don't joke about having a wee in peace for no reason!

Divide and conquer is how we run the odd weekend. I take the big one to kids club cinema, he does something with the little one. He takes the big one swimming, I walk round the shops with the little one. I have been alone with them all week by the weekend so often can't take much more. Cinema is awesome as it is cheap, you can sit and largely switch off and it kills a good few hours.

Thanks LordBeef. I have posted before (under a different name) and asked for tips from people who found parenting easy. Didn't get many replies and all the ones I did just made no sense to me... clean up as you go along (while the children wreck another room), get them involved in cleaning (so it takes longer and needs redoing), declutter (yes but requires time away from DCs) and be on the same page as your partner with discipline (how as have no fucking clue what system is best and all the books say different things). Or just enjoy it (while they argue). I know I should really negative and actually we do have fun times but it is relentless and I feel I fail at it every day.

Definitely easier if they are tired after activities. My two don't get that tired unless completely exhausted. I know DCs who do one sports class or go swimming and then need to rest for the rest of the day. Not a chance of that happening here.

Xpost mycats . I know two people who find it easy. Both cannot explain to me why they find it easy. Actually that's a lie, I know another but she has loads of family help.

Fucking annoying . Also know one person who finds having a tidy house with children easy. Again she cannot explain it .

Fly lady helps with tidiness and kids, tiny chunks of action help keep it down.

1 and 3 was my lowest point. If you can possibly get a day and/or night away by yourself then do, to get some headspace. Failing that, take shifts.

It gets easier.

Calvin I don't think it was your 'lack of support' that got you called out - it was the fact that the sole thing you said was that you pitied OP's children; fairly seismic difference between the two no?

OP A PP said it well when called it 'relentless' as with those ages it really really is so cut yourself a bit of slack and don't beat yourself up - when you literally can't take a piss without an ankle biter and you can't remember the last time you actually finished a still hot cup of tea or coffee then it is bloody tough.

Are you able to get out maybe once in week and once at weekend to hit the gym or go for a run or Zumba or something? Was my life-saver and also helped get rid of the low level depression that I hadn't even realised I had until it lifted.

Separately, no judgement here at all but whilst a bottle of wine once in while to 'escape' is (I recall this so so well ) fine, if you're finding you need to drink regularly to deal with all then it is pretty vital you find some other outlets too. I appreciate this does not remotely apply to everyone who uses alcohol from time to time to just kick back, but I also know a far few Mothers for whom it became a problem in itself and who then faced an even greater load - same shit to deal with but with recovery lobbed in for good measure.

Take care of yourself and yes, it will get easier

OP, thank goodness it's not only me. I hope you are sleeping now. Seems there are a few of us in the thick of it. I thought I'd get flamed for my opinion. Thank you all, OP sleep well

I know and have known several people who've said they just love being at home with their preschoolers, or that they hate working (usually part-time) and wish they could give it up to be at home with the DC every day. In one case, friend is trying to persuade her husband to agree to her becoming a SAHM and having a 3rd as well.

I'm like this I always have to rearrange my features and stop myself from going "whaaaaa? I'd go insane if I couldn't go to work!" because it sounds condescending though I don't mean it that way. But I just cannot fathom people who would welcome being with young kids 24/7. There's nothing more exhausting IMO.

a 1.5 and 3yo together would kill me.