What's a few minutes between friends

[NottheWhiteRabbit]

I'm interested in people's view points on punctuality.

I'm generally on time for important things like work, interviews, and time critical activities like going to cinema or theatre etc.

But... for things like meeting a friend for coffee, soft play, walks etc, I would assume the meeting time as an approximate! I'm usually no later than about 10 mins. Is this very bad? I genuinely always aim to be on time but fate always conspire against me and I end up late for various reasons. But it could be because I'm more relaxed about the timing as it's only a leisure/ fun thing. Most of my friends are the same and we end up there about the same time anyway. If i'm the one on time, I'm also personally happy to go in on my own and get started on whatever we are doing or could wait at entrance or in the car. It becomes a problem when I meet a couple of friends who are obviously much more organised but are adamant to wait at the entrance of things, sometimes they're even early so they feel like they've waited a very long time! They do get a bit huffy. But I always text when I'm late, so in fact I'm 5/ 10 mins late but they've waited 20mins let's say, AIBU to think they don't get to be too pissed off?

Hilarious that someone actually thinks that being on time makes people boring

It bloody boring waiting round for some thoughtless person who has more important things to do. And as for being late for a film, I'm guessing you are one of those people who comes in late and disturbs the other poor feckers

Unclench indeed! Wildbhoysmama has my sentiments exactly.
I knew people would feel strongly about this but crikey! I am a big girl though and I can take the criticisms but I will respond to some of the comments above, also allow me to clarify a few points!
I definitely don't consider my friends unimportant, I love my friends and have some fantastic ones, but meeting up for coffee or soft play is just for fun, not devastating if someone is 5 mins late. And people who stop being friends with people who are a bit late? You must end up with very few friends. In my group, on time/ early people are the minority I'd rather my friends not under pressure to avoid upsetting me than have to feel stressed and rushed! My response to anyone being late is "don't worry, get here safely!" Surely, the posters above can't have never been late ever in their lives? Wouldn't you rather your friend be understanding rather than be pissed off with you when you get there?
And to my "fate conspiring against me" comment - please note, I don't sit at home purposely waiting to be late, I don't turn up to things only when I can be "arsed", I always aim to be there at agreed time but if I run late due to last minute baby nappy explosions, toddler falling over, waiting for toddler to put shoes on, traffic jams etc I'd text and apologise but not going to beat myself over the head about it! In any case, I didn't say I am late every time, people run late sometimes, obviously except from the super heroes/ super mums above.
I just think that waiting a few minutes, going in and get a drink/ coffee isn't the end of the world. But then I wouldn't stand/ wait outside like a lemon, I'm just cool with being "alone" for a little bit, I don't need my friend to hold my hand and go in together.
fire away ...

Lordy, we really are all judgey pants tonight

Do people really say judgey pants?

I am not 'judgey pants' to want my friends to turn up on time. When my children were tiny and likely to need a change last minute or play up I would aim to leave even earlier so I was still on time. Sometimes shit just happens but there is a big difference between a one off lateness and habitual lateness.

Can we chill the feck out

No.

Good friends know each other, and plan accordingly. Acquaintances not so much. A "meet you in there" approach to softplay etc. is aways best for me, and prevents these meetings becoming another bloody thing to worry about.

I'm fine with being alone too, in fact I would rather be alone than have to hang around waiting for someone who cba to turn up on time. Sometimes it's avoidable but you are clearly capable of being on time when it matters to you, which implies that you don't consider your friends important.

I try not to be late for any meetings though I sometimes get it wrong, as I cannot estimate how long things will take. i hate waiting though I do understand when people sometime mean a general time/ give or take 10 min.

I think the problem might arise as to a type of meeting. If you have a hard stop time - say you're meeting a friend at 2 pm for coffee but have to leave at 3pm, then being late is terribly inconsiderate. Even 10 min will make a difference to the quality of your meeting if you have to keep an eye on time.
But If you're meeting for a whole afternoon, then 10 minutes should not be a problem.

please note, I don't sit at home purposely waiting to be late, I don't turn up to things only when I can be "arsed", I always aim to be there at agreed time but if I run late due to last minute baby nappy explosions, toddler falling over, waiting for toddler to put shoes onhmm, traffic jams etc

But this doesn't happen when you have to be somewhere on time?

As I said, I had a lot of children close together. I prepared for these events by getting them ready earlier and leaving earlier in case one decided to fill their nappy just as I was leaving or have a temper tantrum,. It can be done if being on time is important to you. Most of us seem to manage it. Being 10 minutes late on a regular basis means you aren't getting ready early enough and leaving in good time.

It's fine if that's how you work but don't expect others not to get pissed off with it.

I'm honestly amazed that so many intelligent people can't work out how long it takes to get somewhere

It seems this problem is not that new:

The gods confound the man who first found out
How to distinguish hours! Confound him, too,
Who in this place set up a sun-dial,
To cut and hack my days so wretchedly
Into small portions.

Plautus, apparently. Think he's got a point.

Funny how when you need to be punctual you can manage the 'last minute' crises and still arrive on time OP.

I have different friends where different amounts of lateness applies. I have always been an "if you're on time, you're late" person, but even I relax the rigid time restraints when it's a casual meet up.

I have a friend that I go for coffee with at least once a week, she has three DCs - DS8, DD4, DD2 and I have DD8. We usually agree to meet up on a school morning when her DD4 is in nursery so that there's only her DD2 to keep an eye on. I live a 10 minute walk from our town centre and all the cafes, and my DD's school is a 5 minute walk in the other direction. My friend lives 20 mins from the town centre and her DC attend school/nursery another 10 minutes away. Our general agreement is to meet up at a specific cafe after the school run. I can drop my DD off at school for 8:50 and be at the cafe for 9.05 ... my friend can drop her kids off at 8:50 and won't get to the cafe until 9:20, and thats if everything runs to plan and on time.

Because we are both aware of this, I will usually save a couple of quick errands to run during that 15 minutes (popping to the post office, returning an item at one of the shops across the road from the cafe etc) so that I can be at the cafe for 9:20. My friend knows this so will usually text me when she's about 5 minutes away at which point I can either wrap up my last errand or will already be heading to or just arrived at the cafe. Most days we are both sat down with a coffee before 9:30 but some days it's a bit later ... but it's a casual get together and we both know that our arrival schedule is flexible - one week she might be 5 minutes late, another week I might be a few minutes late - and we're OK with that.

It happens to us all and can't be helped on the odd occasion. But, I have a close family member who is ALWAYS late and I'm always silently fuming by the time she arrives. She only has herself to get organised, while those of us with between 1 and 3 dcs manage to get there on time. I love her beyond measure, but not in those 10-20 minutes periods

Though I should say, this is only for family get together type situations. She's on time for other things, but that somehow makes it worse.

RedDogsBeg if I give you the example of let's say your baby has had a rough night's sleep, but they finally fall asleep in the morning before you have to leave, and they really need it. If you need to go to work, you'd have to wake them up wouldn't you? But if you're just meeting a friend for a coffee, you'd give them at least an extra 10 mins surely?
Or maybe, your dc gets breakfast all over their clothes, if meeting friends, you'd take 5 mins to change their outfit? But leaving for work, they might just get wet wiped.
So yes, I can be on time when I need to be

Wouldn't bother me.

you keep sayin u can do it when u need to be on time

so u dont need to be on time with friends even if they get annoyed by it

Ultimately being late is just a form of laziness. Simple as that.

I'm one of those friends who can always be relied on... to be late. To the point where my friends usually give me a time earlier than when we're meeting, and if they're running late I feel relieved.
My good friends know this about me, and they love me anyway. If the worst complaint your friends have about you is your timekeeping is crap, you're doing ok. I'd rather be a good friend who is late than a useless friend who is punctual.

Being late makes me panic. I work backwards so if I have to be somewhere at 10am, and it takes 15 mins, I'm aiming to be out the house at 9.30am latest. Then I have 15 mins room for traffic or parking problems
The longer the time needed to get there, the more room I leave. So if it takes an hour I'll leave an hour and a half before

It depends. Unexpected traffic jam/temporary lights - fine. Friend decides she just has to wash her hair 15 minutes before meeting me or arranges something before meeting me that she knows will run over - not fine.

OP I'm with you here

I don't care about 10 minutes or so and neither do my friends.

When I need to be on time for something important I get ready and organised and leave far earlier than I need to. Sometimes it's needed, but more often than not I spend 20 minutes sitting in my car playing on my phone. I don't really want to do that every time I'm just meeting a friend for coffee or drinks, especially as I do that a lot so the time spent waiting around would be substantial, like 5-6 hours a month.

The people who get me are the ones who show up 45 minutes early then make a point of how long they've been waiting, even when you're exactly on time.

Your own examples show perfectly how you prioritise more 'important' appointments in the same scenarios by behaving differently for different people.

That's not fate; that's you making a decision to behave differently depending on who your appointment is with.