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AIBU?

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Original poster

What's a few minutes between friends

590 replies

NottheWhiteRabbit · 26/05/2017 21:12

I'm interested in people's view points on punctuality.

I'm generally on time for important things like work, interviews, and time critical activities like going to cinema or theatre etc.

But... for things like meeting a friend for coffee, soft play, walks etc, I would assume the meeting time as an approximate! I'm usually no later than about 10 mins. Is this very bad? I genuinely always aim to be on time but fate always conspire against me and I end up late for various reasons. But it could be because I'm more relaxed about the timing as it's only a leisure/ fun thing. Most of my friends are the same and we end up there about the same time anyway. If i'm the one on time, I'm also personally happy to go in on my own and get started on whatever we are doing or could wait at entrance or in the car. It becomes a problem when I meet a couple of friends who are obviously much more organised but are adamant to wait at the entrance of things, sometimes they're even early so they feel like they've waited a very long time! They do get a bit huffy. But I always text when I'm late, so in fact I'm 5/ 10 mins late but they've waited 20mins let's say, AIBU to think they don't get to be too pissed off?

OP posts:
NonStopDisco · 26/05/2017 22:44

I still don't get all the people saying "x, y or z" could happen. I mean, yes it does, and of course people will be late occasionally, but every time? If you can't get ready by a certain time, why not arrange a later time?

The worst thing about latecomers is the need to explain in minute detail exactly why they were late and why it wasn't their fault at all- no responsibility.

Kooky?! That's the same as saying "I'm just a bit mad, me!", or the 00's version "I'm so random"

FrancisCrawford · 26/05/2017 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsJudgemental · 26/05/2017 22:50

5 mins late- OK if you've texted. 10 mins late: sort yourself out. Rude.

Before mobile phones, everyone agreed a time and stuck to it. Now, everyone seems entitled to be lackadaisical.

MsJudgemental · 26/05/2017 22:51

I'm sure that the spelling isn't correct....

StaplesCorner · 26/05/2017 22:52

Ah Flogging - if 100% necessary I can be on time for a job but not often. I am self employed and quite senior in my field so people just put it down to a sort of eccentricity. Basically I get away with murder.

I'm sometimes late for medical appointments but then I usually try to get there within 10 minutes and say sorry profusely. I don't know, its not right and its not ok. I have no defence other than this is how my anxiety comes out. DH and kids are like it too.

StaplesCorner · 26/05/2017 22:53

(DH doesn't care about anything he is usually on time for things that are important to him; sadly kids have learnt it from me)

SecretNutellaFix · 26/05/2017 22:53

I'd stop arranging to meet up if you were consistently late.

It's rude and shows how little you actually think of them.

I'm generally on time for important things like work, interviews, and time critical activities like going to cinema or theatre

So it shows how much less important you consider your friends. I would be upset and have been upset over friends always being late and often cancelling stuff after we had been doing prep work for a barbecue, etc.

Steinbeck · 26/05/2017 22:56

OP, it's actually really arrogant to think you are entitled to be late! Agree with pp, you are effectively saying your time is more important than theirs!!

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 26/05/2017 22:59

If you were a decent friend youd be punctual for the ones you know it pisses off when you are late surely? To keep being late when you know it annoys them is rude and selfish.

Tapandgo · 26/05/2017 23:01

It's rude and annoying. You probably have no more reason to be late than the poor mug waiting for you - you need to start out earlier is all. Lateness like this is self indulgent.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/05/2017 23:02

It wouldn't be an issue for me as I would probably cut contact after the first couple of times.

It shows a horrible lack of respect and implies your time is more important than your friend's

FrancisCrawford · 26/05/2017 23:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 26/05/2017 23:09

I agree - if you can be on time for important things, but are regularly late to meet up with fri nds, that says to me that you don't think your friends are important enough for you to make the effort to turn up on time.

If I had a friend who regularly did this to me, I would feel undervalued and pissed off.

Sara107 · 26/05/2017 23:09

I like punctuality. You know where you are with a fixed time and I would always aim to make it. If you want flexibility then arrange a flexible time, eg say 'we'll be there between 2 and 2.30'. But if you say you'll be there at 2, it would start annoying me if you hadn't turned up by 20 past!.

NancyDonahue · 26/05/2017 23:09

This is ruining one of my friendships. She's never been on time in our 10 years of friendship. I've spent so much time waiting for her. Usual time is about 30 minutes late but one time she was 1 hour 40 minutes late. Last time I missed 10 minutes of the start of a film.

She always texts 'sorry I'm going to be late' but it's always after the agreed meeting time when I'm already bloody there Angry

It irks even more when we're meeting up with dd's. I have to keep saying 'they'll be here soon!' to my dd who is desperate to play with her pal.

I've starting making excuses not to meet up. I can't be bothered anymore.

In my view, if you arrange to meet at 1pm and it's a 30 minute drive, you aim to leave at 12.15 to allow time for traffic, parking etc.

StrangeLookingParasite · 26/05/2017 23:10

Haha, kooky!! Is that French for self absorbed?

Is there a reason you feel the need to sling off at French people?

5 or 10 minutes wouldn't bother me, tbh, though I'm usually on time and sometimes early for most things. I'm just not that fussed. More than fifteen is rude, though.

GabsAlot · 26/05/2017 23:11

how can it be fate when youre always on time for work etc?

it gets on my nerves all this well it doesnt matter we havent booked anything my anxity cant take it

StaplesCorner · 26/05/2017 23:12

Flights - no, I have missed some for work, others are caught by the skin of my teeth running through the airport with my lungs about to explode. Every time I say this time it will be different and it isn't.

I had a friend who considered it ok if she arrived on the same DAY, let alone within the hour. In my mind, everywhere is 20 minutes away. I haven't RTFT so need to have a scan see if its only me. I agree its untenable.

lazycrazyhazy · 26/05/2017 23:12

I'm in the minority here in that up to 15 mins late wouldn't faze me. I think arriving early to something in someone's home is incredibly rude though. I have one (not close) friend who does this, if you say 1pm she's there at 1240. Drives me nuts and I have started to tell her 15-20 mins later than I want her.

StaplesCorner · 26/05/2017 23:15

"I'm generally on time for important things like work, interviews, and time critical activities like going to cinema or theatre"

I'm not; so I sort of think that goes to support my view that this is part of an anxiety disorder as I said earlier. I can't turn my lateness on and off. Sometimes I sit there knowing I am going to make myself late and I get this awful feeling and try to fight it to make myself stand up.

Sallystyle · 26/05/2017 23:18

I hate it when people are late unless they have a really good reason to be late or if it's a one off.

I am always early and spend a lot of time waiting around in the car or outside somewhere. I get panicky if I think I'm going to be late and I can't stand lateness in other people.

If a friend was late regularly I would really not want to organise anything with her. I find it disrespectful. It is not hard to be somewhere on time. I am not an organised person but I make sure I get up on time and get ready straight away so I always have plenty of time to get somewhere if anything comes up.

Giraffey1 · 26/05/2017 23:22

I think being habitually late is being disrespectful of your friends, it's like saying they aren't important and you can just all wait for me. It doesn't feel to me like a kind way to treat people you are supposed to care about.

wildbhoysmama · 26/05/2017 23:23

Kooky is not shorthand for " I'm mad me! Or ' I'm so random". I invariably find that people who describe themselves as such ( or the worst of the worst "crazy") are so far away from the adjective I'd say they were beige. Kooky merely means more likely to get embroiled in other people's shit through being that person that everyone speaks to- random little, old ladies who need a chat, friends who call with issues and u don't feel like being selfish enough to diss them so text a friend and say "I'll be a touch late.".
Ditto to the PP who says that friends get it that children come with a possibility that a day will go awry sometimes.
Those who see me and my type as rude/ selfish/ entitled over 5-10 mins can all go and meet each other and have a beige coffee in their beige clothes and moan about life!
Now I'm off to watch a film with OH -30mins later than planned but luckily he's still here and not stomped off the sofa. I'll then spirit him away for some lovely jiggy time- thank god have no schedule for that! Night all.

StaplesCorner · 26/05/2017 23:28

I've read the full thread now, um, maybe its just me then? I'll get me coat.

Happyhippy45 · 26/05/2017 23:29

I don't mind a bit of lee way if we are meeting at my house but I hate hanging about in a cafe etc waiting.

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