What's a few minutes between friends

[NottheWhiteRabbit]

I'm interested in people's view points on punctuality.

I'm generally on time for important things like work, interviews, and time critical activities like going to cinema or theatre etc.

But... for things like meeting a friend for coffee, soft play, walks etc, I would assume the meeting time as an approximate! I'm usually no later than about 10 mins. Is this very bad? I genuinely always aim to be on time but fate always conspire against me and I end up late for various reasons. But it could be because I'm more relaxed about the timing as it's only a leisure/ fun thing. Most of my friends are the same and we end up there about the same time anyway. If i'm the one on time, I'm also personally happy to go in on my own and get started on whatever we are doing or could wait at entrance or in the car. It becomes a problem when I meet a couple of friends who are obviously much more organised but are adamant to wait at the entrance of things, sometimes they're even early so they feel like they've waited a very long time! They do get a bit huffy. But I always text when I'm late, so in fact I'm 5/ 10 mins late but they've waited 20mins let's say, AIBU to think they don't get to be too pissed off?

So Is the other person just meant to wait for you??

If you've arranged to meet at 7, and you're normally 10 minutes late, then put 6.50 in your diary

We have a friend who is ALWAYS 10 - 15 mins late. It really infuriates me.

YABU. Why is it ok for your friends to have to wait around for you?

It kicks the date off in a bad way. I hate it when people are late, especially if they habitually are / if they're not that bothered by it, like PPs, I think it's very rude.

I'm an early one. If we decide to meet at mine, then lateness, whilst being frustrating isn't too big of a deal, but I really wouldn't be impressed if I was waiting outside to go in somewhere and you were late.

Sorry, OP, but it really, really pisses me off.

I don't want people to be 'relaxed' about the fact that I'm hanging around outside a station or wherever waiting for them.

Their need to be chilled out and faff about is more important than my time spent waiting for them? I don't think so.

It's even worse that you are on time for things like cinema or work, that shows that you are capable of being punctual, you are just choosing not be

I run by - to be early is to be on time, to be on time is to be late and to be late is inexcusable - for myself, I wouldnt be bothered if someone was late meeting up with me but it was a constant thing then I would be really pissed off

10 minutes wouldn't bother me if I didn't have to wait for you to arrive. Places like soft play or a cafe is fine, but if it was more specific than that and you were 10 mins late for a time sensitive date then I'd be pissed off.

YABU - I HATE lateness, it's my biggest pet peeve

Depends. If I'm going round to a friends for a cuppa after work, I'll say I'll be there round about 6ish, as it will depend on what traffic is like, or if the boss wants a casual chat.
If I'm going to do anything else, it's on the dot (I wasn't always punctual, but a friend pointed out I was always a few minutes late, she's the kind of person that always makes an effort)
Had a friend that used to drive when I had to use public transport, so I would be setting of ages in advance to get to where we were meeting 20mins early rather than 10mins late. 15 mins after our meeting time, he'd just be setting off. Once used the excuse "I got a haircut on the way". I couldn't look at him. I don't see this person anymore.

Gosh, there really is some venom on here about lateness! OP is getting slaughtered, poor op. It is completely unreasonable to suggest that a very slightly late person has no respect/ is selfish/ doesn't care about friends/ sees their time as more important! It is just not the case, some of us are just a little more kooky/ stretched / unlucky with traffic/ have more ruddy children who are picky/ difficult etc. It does NOT mean we are selfish. Personally, my friends and family love me so know it's part of me to be 5-10mins late and I have a range of fellow latecomers/ punctual/ early birds around me. We all get it that we sometimes have things pop up, it's part of being a friend!
The one thing that REALLY annoys me are the perpetually early types- making u feel bad even when ur on time and so smug about it! And it truly rips my.knitting when they're early when invited to my house!!!!!! When I say 3pm I mean 3pm, not 230! I usually have the house perfect, kids dressed, food ready, drinks ready and that last half hour is for me to get decent whilst OH holds the fort. Infuriating! My ex in laws we're ruddy perfect at this, throwing in disapproving glances whilst they were at it! Grrrrrr.
I'm on ur side OP. I wouldn't want to be friends with any of the judger and accuser pps on here!

Are you ever early, or always just late, when meeting friends?

It depends on the situation.

If you are meeting a friend with your children in the park, then absolutely do an approximate time, more relaxing for everyone. However if you are meeting a friend for coffee in their lunch break or for a post work drink then yabu to be 10 minutes late for no reason.

It's rude to be late. Flakiness is not endearing, nor is your time more important than others.

OP your time is obviously far more important than your friend's time, so why shouldn't they wait.

They are lucky to have such a snowflake as a friend after all.

"fate always conspire against me"

No, it doesn't. You make yourself late. Fate had bog all to do with it.

Me and my friends always say "around x time" with a caveat that we might be late if one of the DC naps late, is being difficult etc. I met some friends the other day and the original plan was to get there around 10am but at 9.30 we were no where close to being ready, I text then to ask if she wanted to leave later so we arrived together or to get there for 10 knowing that I wouldn't be on time. I think with kids you know that stuff crops up and you can end up being late. I really don't think 10 minutes is a big deal at all, especially if you text to let them know. Maybe you should be more explicit "I'm running a bit late so probably best for you to go in without me and I'll meet you in there". Me and my friends tend to tell each other every detail leading up to our arrangement - they'll get up this time and then I'll have to do x,y and z so we might be a bit late - but I think we just like to overshare. It at least lets others know that you're not just being lazy, you're tied up with something.

You are always a bit late because you choose to be. Stop choosing to be late for friends whom you know don't like it - better to risk being early with these friends than end up late. You know who those friends are, after all, so have no excuse whatsoever for treating them with a lack of respect. You also know which friends don't mind or are equally likely to be late, so choosing not to act on your knowledge of your friends makes you pretty selfish, imho - you don't care how annoying you are to friends who turn up at a time you yourself agreed with them.

It's bad form. You are assuming that your friend's time is less important than yours. A film can't wait but your friend can. Nice.

wildbhoysmama my parents are perpetual early types, who turn up at the house 30 or more minutes early, i can definitely sympathise with that! But 10mins isn't very slightly late, and it is a pain when it's every time.

If you can't make 10am specifically, just say you'll be there between 10-1015. At least that way they can choose to turn up when you're actually going to arrive.
So inconsiderate OP, YABU.

In answer to your question - What's a few minutes between friends?

In my opinion, it really could put the friendship under strain especially if it is a regular thing by one of the friends, as appears to be the case with you OP and you openly admit to it.

I don't know you, but if we had arranged to meet at 3pm on a Saturday for example and you show up at 3:15, with no other explanation than you couldn't be bothered to meet up at 3pm as arranged, I'd think that is quite rude and shows a value that you would put on the friendship which would be low.

Just my tuppence on the scenario you have put forward.

Lordy, we really are all judgey pants tonight. Can we chill the feck out and rem friendships are about more than ruddy being on time exactly!!! When did 5 mins become a huge crime?! Glad I'm not friends with such uptight, snippy individuals! Sheesht. Op I'd drop the ones who make u feel shit like a hot totty.

I would ditch a friend who was always late.

It shows arrogance and disrespect.