What's a few minutes between friends

[NottheWhiteRabbit]

I'm interested in people's view points on punctuality.

I'm generally on time for important things like work, interviews, and time critical activities like going to cinema or theatre etc.

But... for things like meeting a friend for coffee, soft play, walks etc, I would assume the meeting time as an approximate! I'm usually no later than about 10 mins. Is this very bad? I genuinely always aim to be on time but fate always conspire against me and I end up late for various reasons. But it could be because I'm more relaxed about the timing as it's only a leisure/ fun thing. Most of my friends are the same and we end up there about the same time anyway. If i'm the one on time, I'm also personally happy to go in on my own and get started on whatever we are doing or could wait at entrance or in the car. It becomes a problem when I meet a couple of friends who are obviously much more organised but are adamant to wait at the entrance of things, sometimes they're even early so they feel like they've waited a very long time! They do get a bit huffy. But I always text when I'm late, so in fact I'm 5/ 10 mins late but they've waited 20mins let's say, AIBU to think they don't get to be too pissed off?

I'm consistently late for work

And what if you had a job that meant you had to be there on time? Retail, for example, or you worked for a company that docked pay for persistent lateness, or even went down the disciplinary route?

I bet you'd be on time then, so you can do it the rest of the time - you just can't be arsed.

I hate lateness. When you arrange things why do people agree to a time if it's going to be such a rush. I mean say there and then ffs and we will make it half an hour later.

Sometimes stuff happens like bad traffic which no one can help but again I always say as do my friends that "I'm coming from X and traffic can be bad so hang on..." now that doesn't bother me of course it's not as if they suddenly decided to clean out the shed ten mins befire they were due to meet me.

Im.always early as I like to allow plenty if time for traffic or getting lost but I dont impose myself early on someome.i will wait in the car or go for a walk for five mins.

My family do the to me all the time. Stress the importance of me being at theirs by X time to leave for an occasion I my for me to rush round dropping kids off having a bath and getting ready only for me to get there on time and they are not remotely ready.

And don't give me the "it only takes 5 mins line" unless all you have to do is brush your teeth feed the cat and lock up you were never going to be ready on time.

For the poster who says them ajdbtheir friend know the blow by blow account if them getting ready and letting eachother know you are running late, well....perhaos if you spent less time texting and more time getting ready you wouldn't need to be late.

See the one advantage of being early and sitting waiting in the car or whatever is that when they rick up saying what a mad rush they had and detailing whatever crisis held them up, you have already seen the face book check ins and responses to comments that is what you were clearly doing Instead.

@Gileswithachainsaw now that doesn't bother me of course it's not as if they suddenly decided to clean out the shed ten mins befire they were due to meet me.

I have no idea why the comment re cleaning out the shed has tickled me so much, but it has, thank you Giles!

As mum, and my friends also being mums, we are considerate at the fact that things pop up I.E. Someone rang the house phone just as about to leave, youngest had an accident or decided she needs a wee once strapped in the car, she falls over on the way etc. We always let each other know by text & its never a problem. For whole saying its completly rude, one day ull be late through no fault of your own & its not nice, to arrive in a rush & then find ur friend pissy with you because ur daughter hid a shoe lol if someone turns up early & has to wait, thats their problem. 5/10 min between friends should not be a big deal.

I find these threads fascinating. I try really hard to be on time for everything and always arrange things for between x and y time if meeting up with children. But if I am meeting with a friend sans children and they are over 10 min late without letting me know, I start to panic that I have gotten the venue wrong, the time wrong and that I have been rude to them somehow. I don't really have an underlying point except that sometimes the early or on time people suffer from anxiety too and that it is more about communication than punctuality.

That's what I do to an extent. I go back and check messages to make sure I have remembered right. Not to a worrying level it doesn't make me anxious but I do suddenly have to check.

Thing is most if us are in the same boat aren't we. All got kids, school runs,jobs, these poo explosions and toddler tantrums are not exclusive to people. Most of us have had those and still been on time.

@mahadams2 - it's not the occasional lateness, due to something unforeseen happening that people object to - it's the people who are always late, so their friends always end up having to wait for them. Like the person @Heartbroken2 talked about - who is always late herself, but on the one occasion when Heartbreak wasn't waiting there for her when she arrived, got really peeved because she had to wait, and wasn't able to just waltz in to find Heartbreak had already got them a table.

And it's the fact that, despite having children, some people are able to be on time for important things - like work, an important appointment, a flight - but can't apply the same skills to being on time to meet a friend - which, to some of us, says that the friend isn't important enough to warrant punctuality.

It is rude to be late. It's not impossible to aim to be early for caysyal meetings even if you're 2-5 mins early, it shows that you have respect for your friends.

I don't consider someone late til 30 mins late. I always try to be on time but won't sweat it if I'm 10 mins late for casual meet ups. I take a different approach with habitual latecomers. I either don't meet them where it would be awkward to hang around or I don't count on them being on time and factor in their lateness.

@cremedelashite I don't consider someone late til 30 mins late.
As has been pointed out before, even the "don't mind" group have a line after which they get peeved. To use creme as an example, she sets that line at 30 minutes., Some of us set it lower, some of us even shockingly set it at at the time we mutually agreed to meet!

I take a different approach with habitual latecomers.
And that is also the key difference too. Nobody minds when the unexpected one-off thing happens! Its the habitual CBA late people that wind others up.

@cremedelashite - how would you react if you were 10 minutes late for a meet up, and the people you were meeting had decided not to wait for you? And when you are making arrangements, do you say "I will meet you at 10" or "I will meet you around 10-ish"? - because the latter tells the other person you might be a bit late, but the former implies you intend to be punctual.

As I have said before - communication is key. If someone says they will meet me at 10-ish, I believe that means somewhere between 10 and 10.15, so I wouldn't be fussed until after 10.15, but at 10 means just that, to me.

Thread still going!
People are still trotting out the "important stuff" argument
Work = important (has pre determined, set start time)
Eating cake +tea = not important
(Start time is discretionary)
Perfect example of Eastie's CM being used as example. CM would be expected to be on time as it is her job = important. If it was a mate popping round = can be flexible.
I have experienced a new conundrum, always early friend arrived early, but her child stayed asleep in the car so they did not come inside at the agreed time does that make her early or late!!!
People on this thread will be blowing their minds! Off with her head! (Btw, I being non judgemental, very considerate, and understanding, did not mind)

I have friends who are literally always 45 mins to 2-3 hours late to things (not even kidding, even to things like meals out where we'll be sat at a table waiting to order) so I'll admit, 10-15 minutes late seems tame in comparison.

Having said that, I do think lateness is disrespectful, it is a case of 'my time is more important', especially if you don't apologise. I have (other) friends who are typically 10-15 mins late and I don't mind just so long as they apologise and them being late hasn't resulted in negative repercussions (e.g. missing the start of a film).