What's a few minutes between friends

[NottheWhiteRabbit]

I'm interested in people's view points on punctuality.

I'm generally on time for important things like work, interviews, and time critical activities like going to cinema or theatre etc.

But... for things like meeting a friend for coffee, soft play, walks etc, I would assume the meeting time as an approximate! I'm usually no later than about 10 mins. Is this very bad? I genuinely always aim to be on time but fate always conspire against me and I end up late for various reasons. But it could be because I'm more relaxed about the timing as it's only a leisure/ fun thing. Most of my friends are the same and we end up there about the same time anyway. If i'm the one on time, I'm also personally happy to go in on my own and get started on whatever we are doing or could wait at entrance or in the car. It becomes a problem when I meet a couple of friends who are obviously much more organised but are adamant to wait at the entrance of things, sometimes they're even early so they feel like they've waited a very long time! They do get a bit huffy. But I always text when I'm late, so in fact I'm 5/ 10 mins late but they've waited 20mins let's say, AIBU to think they don't get to be too pissed off?

Ah Shotsfired!
And if I had a baby I would have been checking nappies well before I even needed to be leaving, as as to minimise the likelihood of a rogue shit. Not just as I am heading out the door.
Do you actually have a baby then? So once you've checked it, your baby knows you're going out so won't poo again. He's considerate enough to especially not do it as you are heading out the door?
You know if this happened, depending on the severity, your buffer time would have gone out the window?
So are you saying I'm NBU then? Because you are saying it's ok when unexpected events happen. 5-10 mins is ok. Hundreds of people have agreed no less. That's what I described in my op.

My granny (now sadly not alive) always used to say 'in my day, we made firm arrangements and stuck to them. You couldn't just text someone to say you'd be 10 minutes late or wanted to meet somewhere different.'

I think she was right in that mobile phones etc have made it much easier/almost more acceptable to be late/change plans/cancel at the last minute. I hate lateness and am rarely late for anything.

My DH hates lateness and if I were going out with him to a social event, we'd always be the first ones to arrive. Ok if being seated at a restaurant or bar. Not ok if being the first ones to a party. Awkward!!! I put s stop to it! Everyone I know is always a bit late. In fact OP, 5-10 mins isn't even late in my book. I now always prefer to give a between times to meet people. So I arrange to meet between 8.00-8.15, say. Seems to work perfectly. How can someone arrive at exactly 8 o'clock anyway?! What if it's 8.01? Does that count as late? No? Ok, so 8.02?? 8.03...? At what point does it become late? I'm usually 10mns late and I'll text my friends, at which point they reply to say they're also running late. And hey presto, I'm usually the first or second one there!
And nowadays we all have smartphones, and everywhere has wifi, so whoever gets there first can just get a coffe/glass of plonk and surf for a bit. What's the problem?
My DSIL and DB however take lateness to extremes!!! My DH once agreed to give them a lift to my parents. Friday afternoon traffic. Trying to get South on the motorway. They finish work later than us, otherwise we'd have left the city at 3.30. But no, we kindly agree to leave at 6 even though the traffic will be much worse by then. So we get to theirs at exactly 6pm (my DH is driving so of course we're on the dot!) but my DB hasn't actually packed. So we wait half an hour while he chucks stuff in a bag etc. DH silently fuming by this point. Then my DSIL starts cooking a stir fry!!! "WTAF??!" asks we. "''Tis only a stir fry. Very quick!" we're assured by DSIL.
Text friend to say I'm 10 mins late = fine
Make people giving you a lift stand around for 45 mins while you pack and make a quick stir fry = very very rude!!!

Ah ok MrsDesireeCarthorse. I take your point. Some posters have directed their comments at me though.

If they are my friends there is much more to the friendship than them having an always being late foible. So whilst it might be annoying it wouldn't affect the friendship for me.

This. I can't get worked up about people being ten minutes late. I find the assumption often trotted out on this thread that habitually late people 'think their time is more important' to be rather odd. We are talking about friends and social situations aren't we? I really can't imagine getting so affronted at a friend being ten minutes late for a coffee that I started suspecting her of being a narcissist! It does seem a bit uptight.

wow I'm so shocked by the disgust of all these people lol I am completely in the same boat as you but I'm even late for the important things!! I have anxiety and leave things to the last minute! it sucks

Early30smum exactly when you say your granny talks about "her day", times have moved on, technology enables us, makes life easier - less stressful. I'm pretty sure people in her day still were late to things, they just couldn't let their friends know.

AcaciaYou I didn't really understand that statement entirety either tbh. Somewhere along the line, I've been accused of that. It's not a thing.

OP if these 'unexpected' things are happening more times than not how are they unexpected? All you need to factor these predictable delays in when judging what time to leave. Nothing to do with 'fate conspiring against you' and everything to do with not leaving yourself enough time.
You don't care that your friends have to wait around for you - at least own it rather than trying to pretend it's beyond your control.
And why exactly have you posted in AIBU since you seem certain you're not?

Being late is rude and shows lack of respect or care for friends. I wouldn't want to be your friend if you were consistently late, I'd just assume you didn't care.

Sorry my friend, YABU!

It is a silly and old fashioned phrase but;

"“Punctuality is the politeness of kings.”

If you are a scatterbrain, or often faced with the unexpected, just factor that into your time planning.

One or two of my friends are often (always) so late, so often, that I will ever only meet them at my house or similar or theirs, so that I'm not stuck on some street corner or in some wine bar getting jolly on my own!

Some people are often late, some are always or often early, and once you can work out which type you and your friends are, just work around it! 🌺

I always try to be in time, but if a friend was 10-20 minutes late it wouldn't wind me up at all. Life happens. There are roadworks/cancelled trains/ poopy nappies.... who cares really. When you finally meet up you have a good time, that's the important thing.

I always try to be on time for everything as much as possible, but I do warn friends if I'm meeting them if I'm going to be a little late in advance. This is due mainly to seeing to my toddler and twin babies. It doesn't matter if they're with me or if daddy has them for an afternoon, things usually go a bit mad before I leave and I'm having to fix something or help my husband out before I can even get out the door. _;; I'm super lucky that my friends are so understanding :)

Of course pinch it, fuzzy words are free for all. All of us on here like words so there's one thing we'll all always agree on : Words are feckin fantastic.

OP I got a bit of a battering yesterday (in retrospect I was a tad arsey at times and retired with tail between my legs) so shucks that u got the humour. And u certainly came back fighting today!

I try to be on time, but I often leave things (eg. getting out of the house - I work at home) 'til the last minute, then if there's a hiccup, I run late.
I don't mind if my friends are late, I'm quite happy to wait 30-45 minutes for someone to turn up, as long as I know they'll eventually arrive.
What I hate is people turning up early, if we're meeting round mine.

I really dislike it if a friend does the 'I'm really disappointed you're late' thing. I tend to avoid, or completely stop, seeing people who do that.

Tryingtobegood - me too - I explained early on in the thread that being late is one way my anxiety manifests itself and talked about how awful I felt, worried sick all the time and posters just piled in with what an awful person I was - exactly as many have done to the OP.

Glad to see the tide has turned on the thread apparently because all these outraged people would be friendless irl!

Staples - I don't think that's totally fair - I can't abide lateness, however if you were my friend and you told me your situation it would be totally different.

My issue is with people who are systematically late every time you meet for no genuine reason

I'm the only 1 who is going to say NO, YANBU. I know what you mean OP. You're ready to leave the house when little 1 does a big poo or has a tantrum. Only I cut it fine with some appointments aswell. I think you can only Try your hardest but it's not the end of the world.

Oh for some reason I only saw 1 page of comments not 20 so maybe more have said No aswell

I'm always late

38cody- do you work? Have kids?

Since having kids I generally am a few mins late! I'm actually a very punctual person but having kids has made me see it's Impossible all the time. I'm assuming these people who say it's rude don't have kids who suddenly decide they need a poo just as you're leaving! With my friends we just go into the venue and meet everybody in there and if we're gonna be more than ten mins or so we text. If I'm on my own and meeting friends out then yes I prefer if everybody is punctual but again it's not always easy if the kids have decided to play up before you leave. I'm with you OP (and I say this as a former stickler for time) but I tje grand scheme ten mins is nothing

But having kids means you have to g get them to school surely?

And those with school age kids often have babies too- who do sometimes poop just as you are about to leave the house.

So you schedule that in- leave 10 minutes earlier.

Easy peasy.