What's a few minutes between friends

[NottheWhiteRabbit]

I'm interested in people's view points on punctuality.

I'm generally on time for important things like work, interviews, and time critical activities like going to cinema or theatre etc.

But... for things like meeting a friend for coffee, soft play, walks etc, I would assume the meeting time as an approximate! I'm usually no later than about 10 mins. Is this very bad? I genuinely always aim to be on time but fate always conspire against me and I end up late for various reasons. But it could be because I'm more relaxed about the timing as it's only a leisure/ fun thing. Most of my friends are the same and we end up there about the same time anyway. If i'm the one on time, I'm also personally happy to go in on my own and get started on whatever we are doing or could wait at entrance or in the car. It becomes a problem when I meet a couple of friends who are obviously much more organised but are adamant to wait at the entrance of things, sometimes they're even early so they feel like they've waited a very long time! They do get a bit huffy. But I always text when I'm late, so in fact I'm 5/ 10 mins late but they've waited 20mins let's say, AIBU to think they don't get to be too pissed off?

Another is Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome (commonly known as being an "owl" rather than a "lark")

FFS. I wonder how those of us who work shifts manage?

I'm often late, by 10-15mins if it's a casual meet up and I don't need to worry about someone waiting around. I've got better over the years, it's definitely about being over optimistic about how long it takes to do stuff. If it's something like a train or a flight I'm always early, so I can do it if needed. If a friend doesn't like to be kept waiting then I don't. But I'm not too fussed is someone is late to meet me, I quite like hanging about. I find it stressful if we're meeting to do something time specific e.g. Theatre, film. Again for those I tend to be early. It's probably a family thing, we're fairly relaxed about when people arrive and arrangements in general. It drives boyfriend mad because his family is the opposite - very punctual and don't just phone each other up and say 'hey fancy hanging out this afternoon'.

reetgood I just think that's so rude. 10-15 mins is a long time if you're waiting for someone, particularly so if they got there a bit early to make sure they weren't the rude ones being late.

Yabvu, basically by being late with no good excuse you're dating a big fuck you to your friends. Your time is obviously more important than theirs in your head.
It's incredibly rude.

Saying*

YABU

why not stick to the arrangement? Use a watch, work out what time you need to leave the house - allow for traffic and parking. Get things together before you need to leave. Write lists. Get there early- you can always sit in the car and play on your phone while you are waiting.
Or, if you are unwilling to keep appointments I suggest you only hang out with laid-back people like yourself.

I am punctual and make a big effort to turn up at the agreed time. This might mean not finishing something that i would like to do; It takes effort and I am prepared to put that effort in as I respect other people's time and I am disappointed when they don't reciprocate.
Very rarely I get held up by unforeseen circumstances and I wil text/phone to say I'll be there in x mins.
However, I have noticed that some people are CONSISTENTLY late for every meeting. I do not understand how they manage to catch a train or see the beginning of a film, see the dentist or doctor or get their child to school on time ....maybe, its a question of priorities?

I wish people just wore signs that said "I will hate you for being late."

Then I would know to avoid friendship with them, & we can each keep to our own kind.

It all depends how easy going people are and whether your friends accept it. No judgement whatsoever.

Gah! Compounded not impounded...doh!

@shinynewusername...."FFS. I wonder how those of us who work shifts manage?"

Same way as those with DSPS manage I suppose, go about their day feeling jet-lagged and adjust their circadian pattern with naps and lie ins on days off.

Effectively, an "owl" working normal office hours is equivalent to a "lark" working a night-shift.

If you're interested, more information here...
www.sleepassociation.org/patients-general-public/delayed-sleep-phase-syndrome/

However, I suspect the 'FFS' and 'Hmm' emoji means you are only interested in being right and not open to other possibilities other than tardy people are rude, lazy assholes.

Personally speaking, there are far important things I look for in a friend than whether or not they are punctual. .

@whattodoaboutthis2017 honestly, I'm quite happy waiting for 15 mins. I honestly don't find it rude, although I see some people do and I can understand why. If I'm meeting a friend who really gets ansty about timings then I'll be more on time. But if I'm meeting a group of friends in a bar then I understand that meet at 7.30 can mean 'we will be in the bar from about 7.30' and so I time it more towards 8pm. If I'm meeting a friend solo or we have a table booked, I'll be on time. I still seem to have friends, catch trains and a hold down a job. I just don't think it's a moral issue to be punctual. I hate panicking about time keeping, and I dislike being early. I think it's polite to respect other people's feelings, but it's worth noting that not everyone has the same feelings about timekeeping.

@SleepOhHowIMissYou thank you for your post. I have always believed that some people (myself include) genuinely struggle to be punctual.

I am frequently late, my friends who are not bothered about this take it into account when we plan to meet up. I avoid meeting up with any friends who are sticklers for timekeeping unless it's a group meet-up.

I never set out to late but I find it difficult to manage my time effectively, misjudge how long certain things will take and/or get distracted or waylaid.

I am usually around 20mins late for work every day but luckily my manager's timekeeping is worse and he arrives in the office at the same time or after me. On the other hand if I have a client meeting I am on time and I have never missed a plane or train in my life so I think there is a psychological aspect at play. There are certain things I'm just always late for.

I am usually around 20mins late for work every day
I take it you finish 20 mins late too to make up for it?

I am usually around 20mins late for work every day
That would get you the sack where I work. Timekeeping is vital in my industry.

I do not notice if a friend is 5 or so minutes late. I definitely notice if they are 10 minutes late. If it is habitual I will mention it. I do not see clients if they are late and I tell them so. This tends to be the first step in them curing "chronic lateness".

I expect people to do to what they say they are going to do. I value reliabilty. I think many people get to a point where they no longer tolerate people who take the piss/are inconsiderate/love a drama. It may have been ok in the chaotic teens and early 20s, but it is not ok in adults.

I wish people just wore signs that said "I will hate you for being late."
Then I would know to avoid friendship with them, & we can each keep to our own kind.
I wish people just wore signs saying 'I will be late', then I would know to avoid friendship with them.

I am usually around 20mins late for work every day

Not sure the parents where I work would be too happy if I was this late every day!

Occasional lateness I get; habitual lateness I don't understand. If you know you are always late - why on earth don't you set off earlier?

If I was friends with someone who was always ;ate I think Id end up lying to them every time we met, telling them to come half an hour earlier than I actually planned.

I wish people just wore signs that said "I will hate you for being late.

I wouldn't hate you. Nor would I make any sort of comment to you. I'd simply phase out arranging meet-ups if it was a habit.

Hulababy - depends on the job doesn't it, in lots of jobs it doesn't matter if you're 20 minutes late as long as you put the 20 mins in elsewhere.

I work in Advertising, it doesn't matter if I'm 20mins late. As mentioned, my manager is al always late and I often bump into him exiting the tube station at the same time as me in the morning. Yes I do make up the 'lost' time - I have clients in the US so am frequently on a call way past my home time. I could never work in an industry where timekeeping is important because I'm not a punctual person and I'm not going to change now. I think life is too short to rush around, you miss out on so much.

I think it's just an inherent part of my personality. It's not like I wake up in morning determined to be late but I get distracted easily. Once our childminder picks up the kids in the morning I spend around 45mins doing household chores as I have no other time and I'm not spending my weekends doing housework. Then en route to work I have to get a coffee because I need a pick me up after getting up in the night with DS (18 months and does not sleep through) and that takes time. I need to feel energised as I work in a hectic agency with demanding clients.

I NEVER arrange a 1-1 meet up with friends who do not share my mindset. Luckily I have lots of friends similar to me and who also share my cultural background. In both of the countries my parents are from turning up on time anywhere is unheard of.

And now I'm late for my appointment to get a pedicure due to posting on MN. See what I mean about the distraction thing?!

Once our childminder picks up the kids in the morning I spend around 45mins doing household chores
Do you expect your childminder to turn up at a certain time?

@FuckingDingDong - anytime between 7.45 and 8am (her choice). If she is late it's never an issue for me because I understand shit happens sometimes.

It's rude. By being late you're saying that your time is more valuable than theirs.

I'm late for everything. At least I'm consistent.