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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What's a few minutes between friends

590 replies

NottheWhiteRabbit · 26/05/2017 21:12

I'm interested in people's view points on punctuality.

I'm generally on time for important things like work, interviews, and time critical activities like going to cinema or theatre etc.

But... for things like meeting a friend for coffee, soft play, walks etc, I would assume the meeting time as an approximate! I'm usually no later than about 10 mins. Is this very bad? I genuinely always aim to be on time but fate always conspire against me and I end up late for various reasons. But it could be because I'm more relaxed about the timing as it's only a leisure/ fun thing. Most of my friends are the same and we end up there about the same time anyway. If i'm the one on time, I'm also personally happy to go in on my own and get started on whatever we are doing or could wait at entrance or in the car. It becomes a problem when I meet a couple of friends who are obviously much more organised but are adamant to wait at the entrance of things, sometimes they're even early so they feel like they've waited a very long time! They do get a bit huffy. But I always text when I'm late, so in fact I'm 5/ 10 mins late but they've waited 20mins let's say, AIBU to think they don't get to be too pissed off?

OP posts:
worrierandwine · 28/05/2017 20:20

Sleepohowimissyou, mummyof3kids and skislope thank you for finally bringing a bit of empathy, rationale and understanding to this thread. Nice we haven't all got our judgy pants pulled up to our necks! Interesting points also about people who are self important enough to think being early and expecting everyone else to be too is any more acceptable than being late.

wibblypig1 · 28/05/2017 20:22

Oh get a grip perfect non-late posters. Take no notice OP. - if it's ten minutes, it fine by me, no bother.
All manner of things could have happened before you left, or on the way. Definitely don't drive like a lunatic and put yourself at risk - it's not worth it. Better to be late that dead on arrival.
I find early arrivers more rude than late ones. I can't stand it if a taxi arrived ten minutes earlier than you booked it for and they want you out now. Get lost! If I'd have wanted to leave ten minutes early I'd have said when I booked it.

FeelingFuzzy · 28/05/2017 20:23

wildbhoysmama I love it! I hope you don't mind if I pinch it some time Wink

sleepohhowimissyou I also love your take on this! Flipped that right over 😂

This thread reminds me of how glad I am I cut my friends circle down to understanding people who don't think me being a bit rubbish a time keeping is ALL ABOUT THEM Hmm

JacquesHammer · 28/05/2017 20:26

Interesting points also about people who are self important enough to think being early and expecting everyone else to be too is any more acceptable than being late

I don't expect you to arrive early. I expect you to arrive at the time we agreed.

I once came out of work to meet a friend for lunch. Told her I only had an hour between meetings. She was 30 mins late and was pissed off (a) to find me already eating and (b) that I left when I said I was going to rather than waiting for her to finish 😂 she was so self-absorbed I am surprised she didn't disappear

PurpleMinionMummy · 28/05/2017 20:27

Presumably you're ok if your taxi is 10 mins late just because the driver has no concept of time then Grin

Roomba · 28/05/2017 20:28

I should point out that though I'd arrive early to meet someone out, I'd never arrive early to someone's house. That would be as bad as being late!

PurpleMinionMummy · 28/05/2017 20:29

Or 20 or 30. After all, better late than dead on arrival for that plane, interview, train, hospital appointment. Oh, except all late people mysteriously never have fate conspiring against them on a regular basis on those occasions Hmm

Thisisnotreallymyname · 28/05/2017 20:39

Sounds like you make sure you are on time when it suits you.
I hate it when people are constantly late.
If you are always late for friends etc, then yes, they should be pissed off !

jenka91 · 28/05/2017 20:45

Wow people really hate lateness. To the original poster, I'm on your side!! Sometimes I'm late, sometimes my friends are late, sometimes we are all on time!! Who cares, the way I see it, anyone who has enough spare time in their life to reply to posts on mumsnet, has enough spare time to wait ten minutes for someone they are meeting Smile

jenka91 · 28/05/2017 20:48

Although a few people here have mentioned 30 minutes to an hour late... that's pushing it. I'm talking 5/10 minutes. I guess for most of the population that's just enough time to scroll through a Facebook feed -.-

ChickenBhuna · 28/05/2017 20:52

As a teen I had a friend that was always a late , sometimes by as much as 40 minutes. One time she didn't turn up at all and phoned to apologise for her absense 30 minutes after the agreed meeting time. She fished for praise if she was only five minutes late because this was 'good for her'.

We are no longer friends.

pop000 · 28/05/2017 20:59

I don't think it's rude to run a few minutes late now and then! It's a bit bloody much to get that annoyed over someone being ten minutes late! I don't get the issue?! I always try to be on time and I'm very rarely late but if shit happens so be it!

worrierandwine · 28/05/2017 21:07

Jacques obviously in that instance the girl you were meeting was being selfish and unreasonable but the point is, so many posters are of the opinion that you can ALWAYS be on time for EVERY situation but I'm not sure life is always so black and white. I'm a nurse in a busy outpatient department in hospital and we had a couple and their newborn arrive 45 mins late in the middle of our lunch break, they were still seen within 5 mins without anyone getting their knickers in a twist as shit (quite literally) sometimes happens.

isittooearlyforgin · 28/05/2017 21:13

Is it OK for my parents in law to make personal comments to my children about their weight ? Personally I feel if they have an issue they should speak to me. If they have a problem I think they should ask...is what I'm saying helpful? Am I saying it in a helpful way? Does anyone else have these issues?

NottheWhiteRabbit · 28/05/2017 21:24

Wow! I wondered if I have made it on to Mumsnet daily yet...

Wildbhoysmama - you're my favourite.

Exactly the below.
*The habitually late are just that though, habitually late. Those posters who accuse them of narcism are projecting their outrage at being kept waiting; "how dare they do this to me". Me, I, myself, aka the most important person, ergo the person who should never be kept waiting. The habitually late keep everyone waiting. It's not about you. For some reason or other they are poor time-keepers. Do them a favour, either cut them out of your lives so they can find more empathetic friends or accept this facet of their personality. If they can't change for themselves, they ain't gonna change for you. Accept it or move on.

As for the habitually early, now interestingly enough this is a perfect example of narcism. Turning up early to a dinner invite at someone's house is the height of rudeness as it puts undue pressure on the host. As a recruiter, I would sooner hire the occasionally late person over the person who is obtuse enough to think that sitting in reception for 20 minutes is acceptable. This smacks of self-importance and failure to recognise social norms.*

Sleepohowimissyou, mummyof3kids and skislope thank you for finally bringing a bit of empathy, rationale and understanding to this thread. Nice we haven't all got our judgy pants pulled up to our necks! Interesting points also about people who are self important enough to think being early and expecting everyone else to be too is any more acceptable than being late.

How self centred indeed to think you're so special that friend must not offend you in anyway what so ever, they must always walk on egg shells. I too can just label people as selfish. You must really think you're more important than your friend. Grin

I stop reading any posts that mentions "I have a friend like you..." - they are not like me, you don't know me. Your anecdote does not apply to me and is not the situation I described. You're angry at them, not me.

As for the poster who can control when your baby takes a shit, wow that is an amazing skill. I'm glad for you their bum knows you're leaving and behaves itself.

I do admit I've been a bit petulant in some of my replies, but then suddenly being called a twat seemed to have triggered that reaction.

Though thinking about the genuine suggestions to give a window instead, say 12-12.30, there will always be someone who will arrive after 12.30? What then? That person could have arrived 12.05/ 12.10 because we said 12, better than arriving 12.35!

Going to work/ interview, you have to be professional, under pressure to perform. Meeting a friend for a social should be relaxing and have no kick back whatever happens. Strict schedules are not for fun times.

OP posts:
isittooearlyforgin · 28/05/2017 21:25

Oh dear God have tried to get rid of my post off this thread but really have no clue how. Apologies all round!

NottheWhiteRabbit · 28/05/2017 21:40

Don't worry, gin. I wouldn't post on AIBU for support though! Grin

OP posts:
ShotsFired · 28/05/2017 21:43

OP, what part of any of a hundred different versions of "Everyone has accepted that unexpected events SOMETIMES happen" is not clear to you?

What people dislike is lateness for no reason whatsoever, when you have agreed to be somewhere at a specific time. That's what people find rude.

is it really that hard to comprehend why people find that rude?

biggesttwuntinhistory · 28/05/2017 21:43

woah. I'm habitually half an hour late to pretty much everything in my life because my timetable is rammed and I'm wayyyy too optimistic about journey times and what I can realistically achieve. It seems I'm massively in the minority on this being OK. I've never really encountered friends being annoyed about it though? I've fallen out with plenty but my lateness has never come up!

EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans · 28/05/2017 21:51

Maybe your friends agree a time with you and mentally add half a hour on, biggest?

theSnuffster · 28/05/2017 21:51

I hate being late! Thankfully it only happens when it's genuinely unavoidable.

It doesn't bother me if someone else is a little bit late when I know they're usually on time. Stuff happens, things go wrong, traffic could be bad, children need to poo when you're just about to leave etc. It can't be helped.

On the other hand, people who are always running late wind me up- surely somewhere along the line they must realise that they're always late so they need to leave earlier/ get up earlier? My MIL is awful for this, she'll lie and say she's on her way when actually she's nowhere near ready to leave!

biggesttwuntinhistory · 28/05/2017 22:03

empress - subconsciously maybe! what consciously happens is that without fail, if they say 10am, I will calculate what the minimum time is I can get there in and for some reason I just NEVER have the wit to add an extra ten minutes on for 'safety'. My brain just automatically thinks I'll do it. I kick myself, a lot. especially in completely predictable traffic jams.

MrsDesireeCarthorse · 28/05/2017 22:15

Late on occasion = no problem, just let me know

Late more often than not = not interested

NottheWhiteRabbit · 28/05/2017 22:43

Just read user's post. Grin

OP posts:
MrsDesireeCarthorse · 28/05/2017 22:47

Although OP, you don't seem to realize that some people are simply responding to your first post that said you were interested in views on punctuality. Not YOUR punctuality. And given you are not always late and let people know if you're delayed, many of the comments about lateness are not aimed at you because you don't fall into that bracket in the first place.

I am not bothered by someone letting me know they're delayed when they're running late. However, one sniff that that person thinks their time is more important than mine, I'm out of there. I don't have time to waste on that crap, whether they're late, punctual or early.

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