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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think 'I don't drive' is not a valid excuse?

534 replies

peppatax · 26/05/2017 08:40

Two parts to this really, I don't know many adults that don't drive to ask but if you don't drive, can I ask why not?

Second part I guess is if you don't drive, do you expect others to accommodate you or make allowances for you solely on the basis of not driving?

OP posts:
Confusedainttheword · 27/05/2017 19:37

I'm 29 I don't drive, have no interest in driving (never have done) and can get where I'm going on public transport. I'm a big girl and can navigate bus and train routes why would I expect to be chauffeured around? I do not understand

Kwat39 · 27/05/2017 19:39

Im 42 & failed my first driving test today. Never drove before cos never wanted too. The only people I've ever relied on to get me places are bus drivers & taxi drivers. You are being totally unreasonable..

SomethingOnce · 27/05/2017 19:40

Has OP been back at all?

MommaL · 27/05/2017 19:44

I can't drive and am quite happy with that. i can't afford to run a car as big as I'd need. We use public transport. We are lucky we live in a pretty accessible area so its not really a problem.

MaliceKitten · 27/05/2017 19:57

I don't drive as I can't afford lessons. And when I do have the money I'll have to get checked out and approved to do so by my doctors as my health problems could me I won't be allowed to and not able to get insurance. When you're someone like me who is at risk of falling asleep at the wheel without any warning....it's probably a good enough reason for not driving.

TestTubeTeen · 27/05/2017 20:13

I drive but I view not-driving, non-car-owning as the default and don't expect anyone to justify not driving.

I have brought Dc up to be very self sufficient wrt to getting themselves around on buses and trains and not rely on me to ferry them about,

I realise this is impossible where there is no public transport, and I think sometimes self sufficiency suffers as a result. My neices are clueless and wait for Mum and Dad to sort out travel for them, and they are reluctant / nervous to travel alone.

Maireadplastic · 27/05/2017 20:29

Totally agree, test tube. Mine are very savvy and have a great sense of direction and local street knowledge as a result.

camelfinger · 27/05/2017 20:37

I don't drive as I can't be arsed.

I'm very accommodating of people who need to be late into work because they have an MOT/had an accident/can't find anywhere to park/need to do a speed awareness course.

38cody · 27/05/2017 20:53

Thankfully people have actually answered my question in that it's not taken into consideration for an appeal - having had DC allocated to an out of catchment school then yes, I would be pissed off that someone got in on appeal purely on the basis that it inconvenienced them as they didn't drive

This is what it's really about though isn't it op? Come on - come clean, theres a school place green eyed monster in you, I can smell it.

Maireadplastic · 27/05/2017 20:56

Seriously? That's what it's about????

Figmentofmyimagination · 27/05/2017 22:10

Optic atrophy - trust me, you wouldn't want someone with my eyesight behind a wheel - although if you met me you'd never guess.

Deliveryboy · 27/05/2017 23:25

Because I have a learning difficulty that also affects my co ordination.

bemusedmoose · 28/05/2017 09:18

I had a medical ban until my 30s, now on my own with 2 kids i cant afford to. I never expect a lift and if i cant reasonably get somewhere i dont go.

To be honest, it's really none of your business why people dont drive, it came across as fairly rude expecting everyone to be drivers. Everyone has their own situations, they dont necessarily want to have to explain to everyone.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 28/05/2017 09:28

I lived in a city with fantastic public transport, then couldn't afford lessons. Now too old (in my mind) and id never drive with dh (because I know he'd make me cry)
But I never, ever ask for lifts or expect one (even from dh). I make my own arrangements first.
But it's a school place one though. Well how can you expect someone to be able to get their kids there? Flying carpet?

ephemeralfairy · 28/05/2017 09:39

I lived in London for many years so had no need to learn. Very few of my friends drive either. now live in another big city with good train network and a subway system but I have to rely on the bus to get to work and they are terrible. Never ever run to time. My job involves evening working and after 7pm there are only two buses an hour, which I find infuriating.
I don't expect to be accommodated but often people will offer and I accept gratefully if it means I don't have to stand at a bus stop for 20 minutes.
The level to which people rely on their cars astounds me. One woman I work with lives less than 10 minutes walk from walk and she drives in every day. No mobility issues, it would just never occur to her to walk when she could drive.

bailz · 28/05/2017 09:55

So if you had arranged to meet someone somewhere and it was somewhere that was a pain to get to/needed a car, would do say they were being 'difficult' for objecting?

Of course not driving is a good excuse to not go certain places. And no, it's not being 'lazy' if you never learned to drive.

MaisyPops · 28/05/2017 10:09

For me it's not so much people not driving that is an issue. People can drive or not drive, I really don't mind.

There are many ways to manage without a car, especially when there's good public transport.

What I dislike (medical reasons excluded) is when people don't drive and then expect others to give them lifts everywhere.

One of my family was a bit like that and they'd say 'just drop me off in town on your way' and town would be 20 mins past where I was going so it was an extra 40 mins. Or I'd be going to town for a work meeting and they'd "just hop in", which is fine. But I'd say I'm out of my meeting at 3 and am heading back to the office and then they'd call at 305 saying 'wait for me, I'm just...' And I'd have to wait because public transport was so bad.

And one time I was at a meeting (all people attending lived rurally. Some in the 3 busses a day area) and somebody volunteered me to just give one of the interns a lift on my way back. The thing is, it was on my way back as the crowd flies, but actually involved another 30mins up single track roads with somebody I'd only just met. I felt very pushed into it so started booking another appointment after that weekly meeting because whilst it sounds harsh, it's an hour out my working day because a non driver chose to live somewhere with 3 busses a day.

ChickenBhuna · 28/05/2017 10:09

Agree with others about the reliance on cars that some people have. I used to walk my ds to school (he's a teen now so no need) and would leave the block of flats at exactly the same time as another parent that would jump in their car , we'd arrive back by the lifts at exactly the same time!

I live in a city and just never learned to drive , I sometimes cycle to work which I really enjoy and if I'm going somewhere rural I just set aside cab fare from the rail station. I get my shopping delivered weekly and genuinely love public transport , I've never relied on anyone for lifts and am independent.

Sometimes you don't need a car and the expense that goes with it. A car in a big city is a huge extravagance. I have kids and childcare to organise and rarely have an issue that makes me wish I had a vehicle.

MaisyPops · 28/05/2017 10:09
  • as the crow flies
MrsMeeseeks · 28/05/2017 10:17

I don't drive because

  1. It's not essential
  2. I can't afford it

I think the last time I asked someone for a lift somewhere was 2013.

Glad to see it winds up judgmental people. Grin

MrsMeeseeks · 28/05/2017 10:19

Also, I would be way fatter if I drove. People with cars often seem to drive very short distances that I would happily walk or cycle.

museumum · 28/05/2017 10:23

I've got about four good friends I know of who don't drive. Various reasons including non-obvious disability that would require purchase of a very expensive adapted car even for lessons.

We live in a city so it's not an issue usually. However I always offer lifts if we want to go out of town to a farm park or quiet more remote beach.

Gillian1980 · 28/05/2017 10:26

I passed at 24 - couldn't afford the lessons before then and didn't really need to drive.

Husband took test in his 40s when we started a family. Didn't need to before that.

My brother is in his 40s and doesn't drive - he is a bit fearful of driving.

I don't think any of us ever expected people to run around after us and provide lifts. We just used public transport. And we live very rurally!

MaisyPops · 28/05/2017 11:01

mrs
I'd never judge somebody for not driving. That's their choice. I only did it when I had to for work.

You don't expect people to chauffeur you around so that's totally fine by me.

My only bug bear with non drivers is when they expect others to give unlimited lifts (non medical reasons aside) because if someone needs to keep expecting or asking for lifts then it's very clear to me that they really should consider learning to drive as it's obviously an issue.

YoloSwaggins · 28/05/2017 12:49

All day long I see fat people squashed into cars like marshmallows crammed into match boxes

This is the best comment of the whole bloody thread 😂

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