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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think 'I don't drive' is not a valid excuse?

534 replies

peppatax · 26/05/2017 08:40

Two parts to this really, I don't know many adults that don't drive to ask but if you don't drive, can I ask why not?

Second part I guess is if you don't drive, do you expect others to accommodate you or make allowances for you solely on the basis of not driving?

OP posts:
Fiona1984 · 26/05/2017 17:32

I have a licence, but had a period of 2 years when I never even got behind the wheel. It came back surprisingly easily, I just got in my partner's car and drove it, on the motorway no less. I'm finally getting my own car again after 5 years, which will be nice. I don't like having to rely on public transport

peaceout · 26/05/2017 17:33

Seems that some feel it is not acceptable to simply chose not to drive, that if you possibly could drive then you ought to be a driver because you cannot fulfill your obligations as an adult unless you drive
I have a license but no longer drive nor own a car because I dislike driving, taking care of a car is a pain and there is nothing that I want to do which requires me to have a car.

I am aware that there are family members who think I ought to drive so that I could do things that they think I ought to do

38cody · 26/05/2017 17:39

Because I don't feel the need to! What's your bloody problem with that?

I get the bus, or train, or tube, or tram, or coach, or cab, or bike, or walk...I don't scoot but have friends who do.

Sometimes if mutually convenient I get a lift from a friend and many friends who do drive occasionally get a lift because why take more than one car if you are all together?

Horrible post OP.

happypoobum · 26/05/2017 17:41

OP you are coming across as rather bitter about your colleague and about non drivers in general. It's none of your business why she doesn't drive.

If you are always asking her what her "excuse" is for not driving then maybe she just doesn't want to tell you she cannot afford it or has a medical condition. Either way, I just don't see why you are all riled up about it. She isn't asking you for a lift.

I drive but have a good friend who doesn't through choice because she finds it so stressful (she passed her test many years ago) I would always offer to pick her up or take her home because, you know, she's my friend and I would feel like a cunt driving past her house whilst she got the bus.

AuldHeathen · 26/05/2017 17:54

I passed my test nearly 40 years ago. Sadly, we can't afford to run a car these days. We manage with buses and Shanks's pony. Occasionally someone offers a lift. Thank Christ for my mumsnet street cred, I never ask for for one.

Andylion · 26/05/2017 18:02

Most stuff on MN has fuck all to do with anyone else hmm

I agree with this statement, OP.

Foslady · 26/05/2017 18:22

Only time I've ever really had a problem was on OLD - wasn't until we'd been chatting for a few weeks and met up somewhere in between closer to him by some distance that he mentioned after I asked that he didn't have a car as his lifestyle meant he didn't need one.....so why on earth try striking up a relationship with someone who lives 60miles away Hmm

yellowox · 26/05/2017 18:35

I have narcolepsy I'm not driving at the minute because I'm not medicated I don't want to put people in danger and my self or DD. I think people/family should make allowances for me because it's not a choice

RestlessTravellerTheSequel · 26/05/2017 18:45

Must be able to drive was on the definite requirements when I was last dating.

RestlessTravellerTheSequel · 26/05/2017 18:46

Oops sent too soon, but I do understand why she's mepeople don't drive.

RestlessTravellerTheSequel · 26/05/2017 18:47

*some people

FFS!

RiversrunWoodville · 26/05/2017 18:48

I do "drive" have a valid license and am reasonable at it but I have daily migraines and strong medications so wouldn't put my children or others at risk. It is a ball ache fitting around DH to go places though

ChinaRose · 26/05/2017 18:56

My dbro is 34 and hasn't passed his test yet, I think he had lessons at 17 but never bothered. He went to uni, did some travelling, landed a good job in central London which is where he is now. I don't think he expects people to dance around him as such but he has no concept of traffic, rush hour, school drop off time or how annoying driving can be with a car load full of passengers. When he visits us up north, he will ask about places we can all go together, such as Chill factor (snowboarding place in manchester) on a Sunday. He doesn't take our word for it that the last thing we want to do on a Sunday afternoon is sit in traffic getting in and out of the trafford centre, and if we do drive anywhere with him he insists on putting our radio on really loud. It's incredibly annoying. I do wish he would pass his test to be honest.

peaceout · 26/05/2017 19:00

if we do drive anywhere with him he insists on putting our radio on really loud. It's incredibly annoying
then stop being a mug, tell him your car your rules
no likey
no liftey

ChinaRose · 26/05/2017 19:02

oh we tell him. But he will do it over and over. And it's always Oasis he wants to listen to.

lostark · 26/05/2017 19:05

I'm 38 and don't drive. I've taken lessons before and I didn't enjoy it. I have a medical exemption now so I get a free travelcard and a disabled railcard as well. Costs me nothing at all to travel anywhere in London and I'm in zone 1 so I have 20 bus routes and three tube stations within walking distance. DS gets free travel too, DH does have to pay for his travel but he gets a payment from work to cover most of it. I never ask for lifts except when visiting one particular friend who lives in the sticks with no bus routes at all (and I visit her as a favour as she feels quite isolated). I don't know actually many people who drive around here, it's much less hassle and cheaper to use the tube and buses. Friends who do drive live in bits of London which doesn't have as good public transport - zone 5/6 bits which are a bit more like suburbia. I'd never live anywhere where I couldn't use public transport easily - it would be a deal breaker in deciding where to move.

MaisyPops · 26/05/2017 19:13

Surely it depends on what it's an excuse for.

If it's somebody expecting to get all the easy shifts at work to fit around their bus times then yes, I think it's a crap excuse. I don't see why colleagues who drive should get all the very early/late ones because it suits a non driver. If you want that kind of job and don't have a car then you should make sure the public transport infrastructure is good enough for the full range of shifts.

I also don't think it's right for non drivers to EXPECT lifts in a professional setting either. I'd always politely offer but I'd be annoyed if they were expecting it.

But if it's friends arranging somewhere for food then putting it miles out and being annoyed at the non driver for needing lifts/ not coming would be rude and unpleasant.

Context is everything.

IloveBanff · 26/05/2017 19:17

FFS. I don't drive and I have never even asked my own husband for a lift let alone anyone else! He offers however and I truthfully say I'm happy to get the bus and not in a fake "martyr-ish" way either, but actually mean it. It's unfair to regard non-drivers as selfish 'users' of other people. Angry

PaintingOwls · 26/05/2017 19:19

I live in London and have no need to drive. I can get a taxi if necessary. I don't expect people to "accommodate" me, but if they want to give me a lift then that is always appreciated.

LittleBooInABox · 26/05/2017 19:19

I can't drive and I'm 28! I have wanted to learn although I can't afford to and I'm prone to panic attacks, so I don't want to be in control of a car.

Way to make people feel like shit op

Asmoto · 26/05/2017 19:19

If it's somebody expecting to get all the easy shifts at work to fit around their bus times

I walk to work, so ironically I'm the one who gets landed with covering all the drivers' shifts if we have heavy snow or a traffic incident and they can't get into work Grin

theclick · 26/05/2017 19:20

I didn't drive until 31 and frankly my life has become ten times easier since passing my test.

  • I can drive myself to the shops when I want. Not just walk to the local store, but actually drive to the big Tesco and do a proper family shop
  • I don't have to take the train home in the dark when meeting friends for dinner
  • I accepted a job in the suburbs which paid more, and that I could only take if I drove. (There are only green line buses that are about once every two hours otherwise). This means I also save around £2k per year on the train
  • I am pregnant and don't have to worry about how I will ferry my kids around
  • I can visit my parents, who are only a town away, whenever I want without DH. Even though they are only ten minutes drive away, a train would mean me asking DH for a lift to the station and then them picking me up, or a bus would be an hour given all the stops
MaisyPops · 26/05/2017 19:21

Asmoto
But they're one offs. I like to think when there's one offs whatever the cause people rally round.

I'm talking about people who habitually want things to revolve around their choices.

Lots of my colleagues walk to work but they aren't entitled and we'll run them home is its chucking it down. Nice all around.

IloveBanff · 26/05/2017 19:21

I should clarify my post above to say that then I do get the bus, so I'm not playing silly games. We are retired, so have plenty of time, but I'm not yet eligible for a free bus pass, but still never ask for a lift anywhere. Don't be so judgemental.

nicp123 · 26/05/2017 19:29

I hate driving but love walking everywhere or being taken to places in our car by my other half. When he is not around, public transport or Uber are just as good.