Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think 'I don't drive' is not a valid excuse?

534 replies

peppatax · 26/05/2017 08:40

Two parts to this really, I don't know many adults that don't drive to ask but if you don't drive, can I ask why not?

Second part I guess is if you don't drive, do you expect others to accommodate you or make allowances for you solely on the basis of not driving?

OP posts:
yellowplumpreserves · 26/05/2017 13:52

I don't not because I get too nervous in a test. Odd, as I have done well in other year situations in my life but just not driving tests.

I walk, use public transport. I am very rarely going anywhere where driving is essential and if we are it's as a family and DH drives. I don't think it hinders my life or that others need to make major allowances for me.

kirinm · 26/05/2017 13:53

I can drive but I have epilepsy and am currently not allowed to drive.

My DP can drive but as we live in Zone 2 in London, he doesn't need to drive and we don't need to incur the cost of owning a car.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 26/05/2017 13:59

Can you give me an example? I'm not meaning to sound dim, but just don't understand why any healthy and mobile adult with healthy and mobile dependent would ever need a car.

I live in the Southern US suburb of a large town. The nearest bus route is 10 miles away. The nearest shop is five miles away, the nearest post office is four miles in the other direction. In the Summer it is 95F and 90% humidity and the walking path has no shade. Would you want to walk five miles each way to get your weekly shopping and carry it home in that kind of weather? especially with a 'mobile dependent'. When I lived in the UK I had no problem walking three miles into town, shopping for DH and I and carrying it three miles home again. Walking in 70 degree weather in mostly shade was pleasant.

Most of the towns in the US are designed around the car. There is hardly any mass transit in the suburbs that is accessible purely by walking and it is quite common to have to travel three to five miles before you get to the nearest shop of any description. Given that some of the Southern US is on the same latitude as North Africa it's not really surprising that people aren't rushing out to do a ten mile round trip walk to pick up a pint of milk.

JacquesHammer · 26/05/2017 14:00

Really there needs to be LESS drivers not more!

Sure - but then it would be helpful if there were enough school places within walkable/public transport distance wouldn't it.

Jaxhog · 26/05/2017 14:01

It's a choice (sometimes a necessity).

It's only a problem if non-drivers expect lifts all the time (occasional isn't a problem) or if you always have to go to them because public transport is such a shag etc. In fact, it's really only a problem if they are not considerate. But that applies to drivers too.

TinselTwins · 26/05/2017 14:01

TinselTwins it was the poster saying that in her opinion she was more entitled to the local space rather than the driver because it would impact her more was the issue, not who bothered enough to appeal!

What happens if all things being equal two people appeal but one drives and one doesn't, who should get it?

Such Hyperbole from you OP

If she is sucessful at appeal a place doesn't get taken from a child whose parents drive.
There is no "do you drive" section on school application forms
Appeals are about individual personal circumstances, and she doesn't drive
She's not taking anything from anyone by including that in her appeal!

Kursk · 26/05/2017 14:07

"Can you give me an example? I'm not meaning to sound dim, but just don't understand why any healthy and mobile adult with healthy and mobile dependent would ever need a car."

We also live in the USA (Northern New England). We are 5 miles from the nearest neighbor, 25 miles from the nearest village. Another 25 miles to the nearest town.

Our dirt road is not plowed in the winter, so when the snow comes we have to use a skidoo to get into the village.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 26/05/2017 14:10

Can you give me an example? I'm not meaning to sound dim, but just don't understand why any healthy and mobile adult with healthy and mobile dependent would ever need a car

Hmm One of the most dim statements I have read Grin

I agree with PP, regarding people that claim they ''never needed to learn'' but rely on lifts from others make me very cross. You did need to learn, clearly!

Only1scoop · 26/05/2017 14:11
Grin
ballerinabelle · 26/05/2017 14:18

Not sure what your point is but I'm going to make my own...

I think if you have not driven for 3+ years (and cannot prove that you've been on the insurance for a car) then you should be made to resit your test.

MissShittyBennet · 26/05/2017 14:35

Maybe non drivers are all just considerably greener than yaaaw OP.

Summerisdone · 26/05/2017 14:35

@peppatax I'm not just talking about anyone with the ability to drive, as many people can drive but don't have a car, so I'd feel anyone without a car would have just as much argument as I would to appeal their child's allocated school place.

My argument for appeal though is less about it being more of an inconvenience to me, as I do also see it from the point of view from someone who could drive their child to school.
But would it really be fair to give a child that place so the parent had the choice to walk or drive (and if we're being realistic most would end up driving majority of the time anyway because weather in U.K. Is very often shit), instead of giving the place to a child whose parent doesn't have that choice.
As I said in last post, I would have to lose 10 hours a week in work, which would be the difference between me being able to pay all my bills and feed my child, or I would have to up my tax credit claim and receive further benefits, which IMO is much less ideal than someone who quite simply doesn't have the choice to walk to school occasionally when they'd like to.

ragdoll700 · 26/05/2017 14:47

What is your question I don't drive I lived most of my 20's in a city and never felt the need to learn now I cannot afford to learn.

I walk most places get shopping delivered, walk the kids to school the park etc my other half drives and drives my eldest to her swimming lessons as it's too far to walk.

Why would I need to be accommodated as you put it when? I dont understand.

knobblykneesandturnedouttoes · 26/05/2017 15:13

What's my excuse??? Seriously you think I have to have an excuse not to drive? That is extremely patronising. I don't drive, I don't want to drive, I choose not to. My choice doesn't affect anyone at all. If someone offers me a lift, I will sometimes accept. But to be honest I prefer to just get ready and go when I'm ready, and not have to wait for them, or rush to be ready when they are. If you are having trouble with someone who doesn't drive then please don't think 'all none drivers are the same' I once had a 'friend' who offered me a lift somewhere on a weekly basis, and after a month, asked me how much I was going to contribute towards petrol. This was someone who's children I walked to school twice a week all year round because she couldn't. Someone who was passing my street anyway. I certainly don't assume all drivers are greedy and selfish just because she was.

MelaniaMacron · 26/05/2017 15:30

Whether or not YANBU not to accommodate non-drivers, you would most definitely BVU be expect those you refuse to accommodate to remain your friends. A few years back, I stopped meeting up with a group who insisted upon venues which required me to take 3+ buses and/train combos - and theye always refused my requests for lifts. I thought at the time they were doing it deliberately to freeze me out, but in retrospect I think their expressions of surprise and confusion at my decision to leaving were actually sincere. That's unreasonable, surely.

Albatross26 · 26/05/2017 15:39

Learned at 17,failed four tests due to nerves and being crap at manoeuvres. Couldn't face any more, now 30 haven't driven a car since but ride a scooter so never need to ask for lifts. If I don't ride my bike I get the bus or cycle. Live in a small town with great public transport so really not a problem. Plus no way I could afford lessons let alone a car!

TheScottishPlay · 26/05/2017 15:44

I know a few folk who don't drive. If a group of us are arranging something we accommodate non drivers.
Also DM and many of her friends no longer drive so happy to take her and them to appointments etc. if they don't have family nearby.
Why not?

JacquesHammer · 26/05/2017 17:05

For me there's usually two sorts of non-drivers. The ones that are happy with their choice and don't require others to sort out their life choices. And the others - who seem to think not driving should absolve them from various aspects of their job/family commitments etc.

Fortunately I've known way more of the former and only a couple of the latter.

Rhodiolia · 26/05/2017 17:10

I don't want to drive, it is not a prerequisite for life.

I find public transport enough, or I miss out. That's my choice.

No, I do not rely on anyone or expect lifts.

Asmoto · 26/05/2017 17:21

I don't drive - I have had lessons, but I'm terrible at it and it frightens me to death. My husband drives, so we do have a car.

I can't think of any circumstances when people have had to accommodate me or make allowances for my non-driving. I'm used to using public transport, walking, or taking taxis to get around.

I've reached the stage where being a non-driver has become part of my identity (if that makes any sense) so I don't know if I will ever learn in the future. It would probably have to be in an automatic to give me any chance of success.

goose1964 · 26/05/2017 17:21

Failed my test so many times I gave up. Most places I go are accessible by public transport so no problems

iLoveCamelCase · 26/05/2017 17:25

I don't drive because I have serious anxiety around it. Tried for 6 years, 5 different instructors... some just stopped contacting me and the last one basically said he couldn't help me further. I would LOVE to drive and it isn't an "excuse" ... I haven't RTFT but until you've been in someone else's shoes, don't imply that they need an "excuse" not to be a driver. It's just rude.

NurseScorne · 26/05/2017 17:28

Nothing worse than non drivers that expect to be ferried everywhere. I know of a few!

ForalltheSaints · 26/05/2017 17:31

I have a licence. I live near a tube, train station and have buses galore. So a no-car family.

Snotgobbler99 · 26/05/2017 17:32

I have ridden a motorcycle for 40+ years and have never wanted to drive a car. It's greener, I don't make unnecessary journeys and, as a rule, I can make better progress than any car (without breaking the law).
My current partner and ex's have all driven cars and although I accept lifts I don't expect them. I guess I live near the centre of - a fairly compact - town, so buses are easy and taxis are available if absolutely necessary.

The thing that I'm most aware of is how much car driver's lives are utterly dependent on cars and also how inconsiderate many of them tend to be towards non-car users (bikers, cyclists, horse riders, pedestrians etc) despite the fact that so much is laid on for their convenience.

Take, for instance, the fact that most town centres are laid out so that cars take precedence in almost all circumstances, while pedestrians are hemmed in by railings etc and forced to walk the long way around barriers. Why does a lazy numpty, sitting on his/her arse in a machine, have the priority over someone walking? Why do car drivers have the right to poison the air with so little redress?

I think too many people see driving as a right and not the huge privilege that it is.