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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think 'I don't drive' is not a valid excuse?

534 replies

peppatax · 26/05/2017 08:40

Two parts to this really, I don't know many adults that don't drive to ask but if you don't drive, can I ask why not?

Second part I guess is if you don't drive, do you expect others to accommodate you or make allowances for you solely on the basis of not driving?

OP posts:
AnArrowToTheKnee · 26/05/2017 08:48

I've never needed to drive, lived just outside London my whole life and had excellent public transport, so why spend all that money whsn I don't need to? I never expected anyone to ferry me about though, I always made my own way. Have to find the money to learn/run a car now we live further out though, the buses are awful.

coldcanary · 26/05/2017 08:48

I don't drive because I appear to be totally incapable of passing my bloody test Angry
No I don't expect anyone to accommodate me, I use public transport and am well used to planning any journey with minimum stress. It's a useful skill.

PinkDaffodil2 · 26/05/2017 08:49

Junior doctor (26) living and working in London, I've neither the time / money / need. DH drives and is insured on his parents car. I guess I'll learn before we leave London but that won't be another 5 years or so.

witwootoodleoo · 26/05/2017 08:49

I'm not allowed to drive for medical reasons. I plan my life around that e.g. bought a house with good public transport links, investigate public transport before I commit to things etc.

Generally I don't expect people to go out of their way to accommodate me, but sometimes a kind friend or family member will offer to help with something that's impractical without a car. I wouldn't ask them to and feel awkward accepting as I don't like being a burden. Family will usually pick me up from the station if I go to visit them but if have no problem getting a taxi if it wasn't convenient for them.

LauraMoon · 26/05/2017 08:50

I can drive (passed my test eleven years ago and drove everyday since). Then I got ill and lost my licence.

I get a free bus pass though for being a bonker so now I'm a bus wanker. Very very rarely have to ask anyone to drive me.

Can you really not think past the end of your nose?

ToastDemon · 26/05/2017 08:50

So yes no excuses because I really don't need one, what business is it of anyone else's?
You can thank me for not adding to the congestion anytime....

HarrietKettleWasHere · 26/05/2017 08:51

Do you drive OP? Do you want a clap?

SquirmOfEels · 26/05/2017 08:51

I don't drive, because I live in London and really don't need to.

I do sometimes eg on hols.

If making arrangements, then yes, who could drive that day is a factor. We try to work out the best atprrangements for the circumstances. No, i can't reciprocate with lists, but I can and do reciprocate in other ways. That's just normal helpfulness.

If anyone was keeping a score of one-for-one like-for-like favours, I wouldn't want to be friends with them; it's just too rigid for the way RL works. After all what's a lift back after late-finish sports coaching (when you're going to be passing the end of my road anyhow) for the person who took in your DC every day for every half term for two years if primary, because they were at home anyhow?

LordTrash · 26/05/2017 08:52

I can't drive. Took 15 lessons, but when we got to parallel parking my dyspraxia and poor distance vision totally did for me and I gave up.

So, like a PP, 'I tried but I'm not very good at it'.

SaucyJack · 26/05/2017 08:52

Why don't you tell us what the problem is you actually want to talk about is, instead of trying to make random strangers feel inadequate for sitting on the bus and minding their own business?

WoopWoop200 · 26/05/2017 08:52

I think I understand what you mean.

I have/had a couple of friends who don't drive and expected me to accommodate them with zero effort on their part. Grates on me after a while.

I do the offer anymore

WoopWoop200 · 26/05/2017 08:53

Sorry that was meant to say 'i don't offer much anymore'

apostropheuse · 26/05/2017 08:53

I can't drive because I have a heart arrythmia that comes on very suddenly causing breathlessness, dizzy spells with near fainting episodes. Basically, I wouldn't like to kill anyone.

My sister in law doesn't drive because she's registeted blind.

I use public transport or taxis. If that's not practical I stay home, unless sone kind and generous person offers a lift.

HTH

TheFaerieQueene · 26/05/2017 08:53

It sounds like a thread started by a tv researcher.

Fluffyears · 26/05/2017 08:54

It's like a lot of things, some people can and some can't. For rxsmple mil can't drive and the world is safer as she would be a nightmare, she lives on her nerves, has no observational skills....I wouldn't get in a car she was in charge of. My father had to stop due to medical issues x

corythatwas · 26/05/2017 08:54

I don't drive, mainly for eyesight reasons. But also have environmental concerns.

I don't expect others to accommodate me all the time, but it would have been nice, in a group of friends, to have had my needs accommodated some of the time. Not planning every single event around a venue that I couldn't make when there was a perfectly viable alternative nearby.

Some car drivers seem to think there is some kind of moral value about showing non-drivers how useless they are.

Popskipiekin · 26/05/2017 08:54

We don't have a car. Can't afford to have a car. Now we have two kids people look at us as if we're crazy not to have a car. I mentioned to my uncle that his house was very conviently on a direct bus route from us - "oh I hate people like you!" he said (further clarification followed, that he hated people who "couldn't be bothered to own a car")
On top of all of this, I am petrified of driving. I had a very gentle crash in my DGM's automatic - I was used to a manual and pressed the wrong pedal in a panic - this was years ago and though I've driven since I still get flashbacks. I will make myself drive as I don't want my sons to think it's something to be frightened of, but I wish I didn't have to. I envy those who actually love it, and admire those who don't enjoy but get on with it as needs must.

NoSquirrels · 26/05/2017 08:54

OP we need the scenario you're in with the non-driver.

E.g. I've planned a lovely day out for my MILs 70th birthday at a place she's always wanted to visit, long way away, no public transport that would arrive on time there & back, unless nondriver paid for a local hotel the night before. No room in my car, and nondriver is saying they can't come- YABU, plan some other celebration that everyone can take part in without incurring huge costs.

Or

My friend wants to take an evening class with me but she lives 30 mins drive away from my house & expects a lift there and back to do it - YANBU, friend should not do this class as it relies on you to get there and puts an imposition on you.

Bluebeedee · 26/05/2017 08:54

What a weird thread. I have my license but don't drive as DH uses the car for work and we can't afford to run 2. What's the problem?

DontCallMeBaby · 26/05/2017 08:55

I do drive, passed my test at 17. I'd really rather people didn't bankrupt themselves to pass their test, spend a couple of years getting solvent enough to buy and run a car, then start driving. Learning to test-passing standard followed by a long break is going to make most people a liability on the roads.

Everyone I know who doesn't drive, for whatever reason - health, financial, loss of confidence (e.g. my mum, who drove for decades but has now had such a long hiatus I'd rather she didn't start again) has ways round it. Choice of home, public transport, taxis, online shopping, and yes, a bit of help from other people. Unless you know someone who is choosing to live in the middle of absolute nowhere and demanding you act as their personal chauffeur, what's the problem? Who needs more cars on the road?!

TheBogQueen · 26/05/2017 08:56

Many young people cannot afford the lessons these days.

I know lots of people who don't/can't drive for various reasons. I didn't learn fur ages because I grew up in London with parking issues , congestion charge and loads of public transport.

Am learning now at the grand old age of 43 and am really enjoying it and really looking forward to getting my licence!

Cookingongas · 26/05/2017 08:56

There are many reasons someone may not drive. If And when I didn't then yes, I expected my friends and family to be considerate of that. Meeting places with public transport or understanding that I couldn't come. I asked for a lift to the hospital when in labour- but would have took no offence and understood if they said no. Your friends and family will naturally be considerate and make allowances though wouldn't they? Shouldn't they? I drive now- and I am happy to make allowances for friends for don't- giving lifts, meeting in easily accessed places etc

user1491572121 · 26/05/2017 08:56

Oh what a stupid post.

What's it got to do with you??

I hate the hate for non drivers on here.

I don't because the world has enough selfish bastards polluting it as they drive their children half a mile to school.

I've chosen not to. I use public transport and a bike.

endofthelinefinally · 26/05/2017 08:56

I cant drive atm because I have a progressive health condition.
Sometimes I struggle with walking, which is a lot more inconvenient than not driving.
Generally friends and family have been considerate and understanding about my limitations.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 26/05/2017 08:56

I drive, but. I don't think those that don't are in any way beneith me.
I think money is probably one of the biggest factors and like most people have pointed out sight problems and things like epilepsy.

Why do you care