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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think 'I don't drive' is not a valid excuse?

534 replies

peppatax · 26/05/2017 08:40

Two parts to this really, I don't know many adults that don't drive to ask but if you don't drive, can I ask why not?

Second part I guess is if you don't drive, do you expect others to accommodate you or make allowances for you solely on the basis of not driving?

OP posts:
Boomcack · 26/05/2017 20:31

I cannot afford the lessons, or a car if I did know. Why my non driving would offend you is Confused to me

Boomcack · 26/05/2017 20:32

Expect who to accommodate me? You sound x ridiculous. I don't drive so I get to places by walking and taking public transport like millions of other people

Wrongwayup · 26/05/2017 21:02

Hi. I am new but would like to ask about men vs women and driving. Totally get its a choice and up to individuals . no axe to grind. But have noticed if in a couple one can drive and one can't . the man can and the women can't. I think that is worrying. And not in an older generation. My mum and all her sisters. Many of them. Aged sixties to eighties can drive. Think it was a novelty to them. Bit know lots of couple's not big city. 30/40/50. Man can drive. Woman can't.

HorseDentist · 26/05/2017 21:11

Dyspraxia.
I don't feel that my coordination and reactions would respond quick enough in an emergency situation. It would be dangerous for me, my passengers and other road users. Legally I am allowed to learn but I just don't think it would be possible.

I live in the city centre for that reason. 2 minutes walk from the shops, 5 minutes from the train station and 30 minutes from work. I NEVER rely on lifts from anyone.

LollyGag2020 · 27/05/2017 10:53

I have epilepsy. And no as I live in a city and use public transport. Kind of a judgy post, there can be many reasons.

Talith · 27/05/2017 11:20

I have a few friends in London who are smart and not short of money. The consensus seems to be there is just no need. Public transport makes a lot more sense in a city that expensive and crowded. They are single though so maybe it would be a different matter if they had to haul the seven tonnes of baby crap about too.

I've never met anyone who didn't drive but expected to be ferried about.

It does take time and money to pass a test and run a car. Obviously not everyone is in a position to do that.

supermoon100 · 27/05/2017 12:07

I've worked with colleagues who have never bothered to learn to drive which has therefore put the burden on me to drive on work trips. Not cool.

Sammyislost · 27/05/2017 12:41

I don't drive because I have the worst concentration and I think i'd be a danger on the roads. Is that not a good enough excuse?

corythatwas · 27/05/2017 14:43

About work trips, I am struck by the way that many work trips are arranged on the assumption of car use even where there is absolutely no reason why they could not be held in a different venue, easily accessible to all. Even in my workplace which prides itself on its green credentials.

Obviously, there are jobs where you have to drive and non-drivers simply shouldn't be going for them. My dh has one of those jobs.

But there are plenty of other jobs where there is no logical reason for having to drive except that everything is arranged around the assumption that everybody does. If we want to do something about the environment that is where we should be looking.

felinewonderful · 27/05/2017 14:56

I have an anxiety disorder and driving makes me ill. I don't expect anyone to accommodate me but obviously friends and family like to help sometimes which O appreciate. As I don't drive, I have chosen a place to live with excellent transport links. I do know a few adults who don't drive, mainly for the same reason as myself.

LML83 · 27/05/2017 17:25

I have friends who don't drive. I go to theirs more than they come to mine. It's easier for me, i also pick her up if we are going somewhere else we are friends it's no big deal. If roles were reversed she would do the same for me.

SomethingOnce · 27/05/2017 17:34

PM2.5

raspberryblush23 · 27/05/2017 17:38

Because I can't afford it, I have poor coordination, it kinda scares me, plus I don't really want to. I rarely get lifts and live in a city with good transport links. Hth

VerbenaGirl · 27/05/2017 17:45

I know a handful of people in their 30s & 40s who don't drive:
One is epileptic and can't (but did before that started).
One always lived in London and so just didn't need to.
One likes a drink a bit too much, and I guess felt that learning might hamper that :-/
One I've no idea why, but found out the other day that she's just passed her test in her mid 40s (looking forward to our next night out to find out all about that!)

Keletubbie · 27/05/2017 17:45

I'm 34 and I drive.

My partner is 33 and he doesn't.

It's not ideal, especially as we live 35 miles apart. I've expressly said I don't think we should move in together unless he learns to drive.

missuspritch · 27/05/2017 17:48

I don't drive, i want to, and have tried 4 times to pass my test (a few years ago now) but nerves got the better of me and I failed every time for silly things! I have since ran out of money and moved on with my life... had a baby etc, and now can't afford top up lessons and to try again, on top of that I probably wouldn't be able to run a car on my current income!

I wouldn't and don't ever expect anyone to accommodate me based on this reason, however some select people I might ask for a lift (petrol money in hand) should a situation arise where it is difficult for me but I would always be understanding if they weren't able to help, after all it's my problem that I don't drive. I would always look at ways to get myself there before asking for help.

TesticleMeElmo · 27/05/2017 17:51

I don't drive. I failed my test lots of years ago, only a few and before I got married and relocated across the country. Curtesy of my (now ex) husband, I didn't have the money for more lessons after I moved due to his rather costly gambling habit, and now it's just far too expensive to do it all again Angry

LinManWellWellWell · 27/05/2017 17:51

nixnjj how completely tragic. Sad

Ravenesque · 27/05/2017 17:52

I use not being able to drive as an excuse ALL the time.

I'm sorry, I can't drive, therefore you will have to cook dinner.

I'm sorry, I can't drive, so I can't reach that item on the top shelf

I'm sorry, I can't drive, therefore I must tell you that your bum does look too big in that.

Is that what you mean?

I grew up in London, no need to drive, in fact driving would have been a hindrance. Moved away from London, couldn't afford to learn to drive or if I had done that, to buy and run a car. Now I have epilepsy, so driving wouldn't be the best idea in the world.

P.s. You sound like a bit of a twunt, I can't drive so that's my excuse for being a bit abusive.

Craigie · 27/05/2017 17:58

I don't drive. Live in a central location in a major city so public transport/walking suits me just fine. I did take lessons when I was 17, but I just hated it, so gave up after a few months. It is FAR cheaper to get a cab a few times a month than to run a car.

I don't expect or require anybody to accommodate me, and I frankly don't understand what they'd be making allowances for - the fact that I arrive at a destination by a different mode of transport?!

Jessikita · 27/05/2017 17:58

I do drive. I learned as soon as I was 17. It was a priority to me and I consider it as an important life skill.

Maybe I've just had bad experiences but I've always found in driving friends and boyfs to be very selfish and assume that if we went out I'd drive without asking. Or if there is even a small distance between us they assume I will always go to them etc.

I wouldn't ever date a non driver again.

lynmilne65 · 27/05/2017 17:59

Took me 17 years and 7 tests but am now a driver !!

somerandomfucker · 27/05/2017 18:01

What a misery!!
So many people can't or don't want to drive.
My boyfriend taught me to drive unofficially whilst travelling through Africa in VW Combi van, for safety reasons. Once home, I took a few lessons, but I just couldn't get my head round it!
I have lovely friends who will invite me out/offer lifts when they think I might need it. I always repay them in kind, mainly a bottle of wine!! I also use cabs a lot as well as public transport!!

daisypond · 27/05/2017 18:05

I'm able to drive - passed my test at 17 - but have never needed to drive. I've always lived in cities, or abroad. I use public transport. No-one "accommodates" me. I don't get lifts from anyone. I've never needed a car for work. DH can drive, too, but we don't have a car. Even when the DC were little we didn't need one. I can't remember the last time I was even in a car. We've hired one on holiday occasionally. My teenage children don't have lessons to learn to drive because lessons are very expensive, plus insurance would make it extortionate, and neither of them see the need to learn - and nor do we have a car for them to practise in. I live in London and loads of people I know can't drive, and even those that can often don't own a car.

Skywest · 27/05/2017 18:07

I don't drive. I gave up trying about 20 years ago. I'd love to try again, but I really can't afford to. I manage to get around okay using public transport. I will accept a lift if offered, but I don't make people go out of their way.

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