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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think 'I don't drive' is not a valid excuse?

534 replies

peppatax · 26/05/2017 08:40

Two parts to this really, I don't know many adults that don't drive to ask but if you don't drive, can I ask why not?

Second part I guess is if you don't drive, do you expect others to accommodate you or make allowances for you solely on the basis of not driving?

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 27/05/2017 18:08

I don't drive and I don't expect lifts except when OTHERS have decided to arrange something in a place where public transport is non-existent or very difficult, in which case I blame them.
I live close to the town centre and my work so I walk most places.

I have considered it, but friends have told me it could end up costing up to a thousand pounds. Why would I do that if I don't need it?

falange · 27/05/2017 18:09

I get cross with people who can drive but won't. I have a friend who doesn't like driving when it suits her so when we have a group meet up it has to be in her local vicinity or if not, she asks for a lift. But when a new man is in her life she can miraculously manage to drive to his house or anywhere else he wants her to go. At work am also astounded by working hours wasted by non drivers who use public transport to get to meetings, visits etc. Can't understand why they were given jobs that require cars for efficiency.

SparklyUnicornPoo · 27/05/2017 18:09

I don't drive because I have blackouts and dizzy spells, they only last a few seconds so most people wouldn't notice that I have them but if i was driving at the time it would obviously be dangerous. My issues are related to PTSD and whilst I'm quite open about it online and with good friends there are people I don't want to discuss it with, so i generally just say I never got round to learning.

I get myself around fine most of the time, although there are days where I am pathetically grateful for people offering me a lift, especially when the weathers bad.

Secretsquirrelclub · 27/05/2017 18:10

It's good that not everyone drives if everyone did, the roads would be gridlocked. It's just a shame that we don't have decent public transport for those that can't, or chose not to drive.

Earthmother1 · 27/05/2017 18:11

I don't drive because I'm blind. I found a lot of people feel it's not their responsibility to give me lifts, and many who do, do so reluctantly (though oddly happy to transport sighted friends who CAN drive). Where I used to live in a rural Somerset town for eight and a half years I had to literally beg every time I needed a lift from numerous people which was very humiliating and disempowering. Now I live in a far more welcoming Devon town where I only had to ask for a lift once. Since then they are provided wherever the need is seen and if I need to ask for one unexpectedly I have never been let down. Nine months later I'm still full of gratitude and appreciation for the more open hearted, friendly people I now mix with. Public transport is ok but not always available when needed, and it's far more sociable and fun to travel with friends. Although I can't return the favour I'm always happy to 'give back' in other ways.

littleme2017 · 27/05/2017 18:19

I don't drive. I did take lessons a few years ago but I was a nervous anxious wreck, my co-ordination was all over the show and I had little attention span. I have dyspraxia and just feel it would be dangerous for me to drive.

Fortunately I live in an area with a decent bus and rail service and I quite enjoy walking.

Agerbilatemycardigan · 27/05/2017 18:19

I've held a licence for 30 years but had to sell my car due to redundancy. Oddly enough, there are a couple of people who don't really contact me much now since I've had to retire as their 'chauffeur' Hmm

BeyondThePage · 27/05/2017 18:21

I don't drive. I have vision problems.

I live in the suburbs with a bus every 10 min to either of the 2 towns I need to get to. I also feel that not owning a car enables me to take a taxi whenever I have the need to get anywhere different - after all, no car, tax, insurance, fuel, depreciation, wear and tear, MOT, servicing, tyres etc... pays for a lot of taxis.

If people keep wanting to meet up somewhere I can't get to easily, then I just say no.

Ruthie2k · 27/05/2017 18:23

I passed my test at 37 after my dd1 was born and could potter locally, hubby was quite vocal once when I was in the wrong lane at a big junction and it really threw me as I was petrified of getting on/off motorways and big roundabouts.
I happily pottered in our peugeot 307 until dc3 came along and we needed a 6 seater. Hubby helpfully bought an automatic and I totally lost my confidence. I am now 42 and havn't driven for over 3 years.
We are in the process of buying a manual 207 for me to ferry the children arounf in and I am bricking it.
I happily accept offers of a lift if we are going to a party and I only need to take 1 child but apart from that I use busses/coaches/trains and my feet. I certainly don't expect lifts and I find it really infuriating when I hear people discussing that most adults drive in a way that looks down on those who don't.

BumBumPooBum · 27/05/2017 18:23

I am on MH medication which says DO NOT DRIVE on the leaflet. Before I was on them I did have lessons but the DI rushed me and had me on junctions after a couple of lessons. I had a panic attack and never got over it. I'm always aware than if you are driving you have the potential to kill people and/or yourself very easily due to brief lack of concentration, distracted by mobile, etc etc. People are killed every day on.the road and I don't want the anxiety of that on top of my own appalling MH.
I set aside some of my income for taxis and train fares but a lift if offered is always much appreciated.

Maireadplastic · 27/05/2017 18:25

My husband and I can both drive. We do not have a car. We have three boys. In London it's not a problem.

mumofthemonsters808 · 27/05/2017 18:26

I don't drive but it's never been a problem, I walk everywhere or use public transport.You can't miss something you never had, Id never ask anyone for a lift, I'd feel too cheeky.

Marymoosmum14 · 27/05/2017 18:28

My DH cant drive, he couldn't take his test before we got together due to needing specialist glasses and now we just cant afford for him to have lessons, let alone for the test and to run another car.

2boytrouble · 27/05/2017 18:30

I live in London... I don't need to drive

louise55 · 27/05/2017 18:34

I passed my test at 17 hated every lesson pushed in to it by my parents. Had a terrible accident at 18 was to immature to have been responsible for having a car (accident totally my fault) never got back in the driving seat again, biggest regret ever but sadly 20 years has past now, never expected anyone to drive me around but meant I missed out on lots. I am constantly judged when people realise I don't drive you'd have thought I had murdered someone when you see there reaction !!

Charell20 · 27/05/2017 18:34

I'm 32 and don't drive. I have had many lessons but my nervousness of the road always gets in the way. I was making myself ill worrying about my driving lessons. However it is my choice to not drive, therefore I wouldn't expect anyone to put themselves out for me.

louise55 · 27/05/2017 18:34

'their'

Sparklingbrook · 27/05/2017 18:35

DB lives in London, but he drives out of London. A lot.

Notso · 27/05/2017 18:45

Maybe I've just had bad experiences but I've always found in driving friends and boyfs to be very selfish and assume that if we went out I'd drive without asking.

Well if they can't drive they can't offer to drive can they? If you don't want to drive meet them at the train/bus station.

Notso · 27/05/2017 18:52

In RL I only know one person who resents giving lifts and they are a selfish twat in other ways too. Every other driver I know is happy to give lifts to people who are travelling to the same place as them.
I can't drive yet and even if I pass my test I will either have no car or a car I can only use on weekends. I never ask for lifts and often refuse any offered just incase I'm thought to be some kind of piss taker.

Screwinthetuna · 27/05/2017 18:53

Is this some kind of shaming thread for people who don't drive?
I didn't drive until last year, when I turned 30. I didn't have the need to before; my partner drove, we couldn't afford 2 cars, we live in a place with great public transport and I walked a lot of places. I never expected friends to pick me up, etc.

Life is a lot easier since I've been driving but I'm not as fit and gone up to a size 10 for the first time in my life. I love driving and love driving around friends who can't drive. Why would anyone begrudge that?

corythatwas · 27/05/2017 19:00

I think it was certainly meant that way, Screwinthetuna. But it's not working, is it? Instead all the non-drivers are coming out of the woodwork and pointing out that a world arranged around the convenience of drivers is not the only conceivable world.

Jenwen22 · 27/05/2017 19:29

Me and DP both have epilepsy. We can't drive. I don't expect people to run around after me, I walk or get public transport. If someone offers me a lift thats different but I'd never ask. I don't get why its so important to you though and the tone and wording of your OP is quite frankly condecending

Aeroflotgirl · 27/05/2017 19:34

I can't drive, I failed 4, tests, and have dyspraxia and high anxiety. Even if I had lessons and passed, I could not afford to run a car, it's very expensive. Yes I would meet friends where I could get to easily, somewhere not far out or rural. If friends are meeting in the evening, it's too far or rural, I decline. I normally rely on buses and taxis, or my friend takes me shopping when she goes. And I treat her to coffee or breakfast.

ginorwine · 27/05/2017 19:35

Are you annoyed at someone who doesn't drive ?
Eg I have a friend who does not drive and only rarely uses public transport and if i want to see her I have to accept I will often be the one going to her .. is it that sort of thing you mean ?

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