To think I can manage a 1hr 50 min commute each way

[Lucyannieamy]

Hi
I currently have a 35-45min commute from London zone 3 in. We are seriously looking at moving out, but need some views on whether the commute would be a killer.
Looks like it'd be leave home about 7am for a 7.30 train, 50 min into London, 25mins across London to get into the office on time. Way home is a little quicker train so if I left at 5 I should get home about 6.45

Kids are 7&4 and DH would work local.

Is it worth it to get out of London?

I wouldn't do this either. I have had to go to Birmingham for the day and back on a few occasions and that was exhausting. I would not want to do that every day. I need a lot of sleep though otherwise I'm like a zombie.

I had a very similar commute which I kept up for 8 years (also lucrative City job). It's certainly doable, and I even continued until 38weeks pregnant with each of my kids but ultimately it's very draining. I think think it helps that your DP will be local as I found childcare issues stressful if the trains weren't working properly (DH was also in the City, with longer hours and we didn't have family locally). We ended up moving abroad and I now work from home and I must admit, I shudder at the thought of my old commute. Another thing to bear in mind, our train station car park used to get full by about 6.30am even though it wasn't free nor small, so it was always a rush to catch an early train in.

I recently switched my commute from walk - train - tube to car then tube. I didn't realise until I switched how much it was affecting me. Previously I used southern so it was a rush to leave the office by 5.05 to get the tube to the station. Then the whole is it / isn't it running. If a meeting or conversation looked like it would over run I would start getting tense. I now get a tube to the end of the line and drive. It's so much better if I leave 10 minutes late I'm 10 minutes late not not 30 minutes.

I was absolutely knackered and by the time I got home, had dinner, tidied up and washed my hair, it was bedtime!

This ^^

I used to be gone 7.20am until 6.45pm--ish and that was exactly like that. By the time I'd eaten, I had little time to do anything other than get stuff ready for the next day (I used to take lunch so had to prepare that & used to lay out my outfit) and take a shower or bath. I also used to fall asleep and nearly miss my stop on the way home in the winter in the dark.

My DF used to do 6.50am until 8.15pm commuting to London. He managed and didn't hate it I have no idea how, but my Dsis and I never saw him in the week really. He couldn't help DM out as he was not at home so she did everything. I feel he missed out on us a lot as children.

I hate commuting (I whinge every day about 45 minutes each way) so I may be biased but is there any point in living in the country if you don't see it in daylight for most of the week?

I agree with mrbob. I often think that when I watch Escape to the Country - all these rich people buying country homes "only" 90 minutes from London. What's the point? You're never there!

It's not just the "country", there are loads of commuter towns.

Housing and schools.

I did it for 2 years - 2 hours door to door 5 days a week! Tell you what, it was nowhere near as bad as people had me believe.

Left home at 6.15am, walked into office at 8.15. Lunch at desk, out the door at 5pm ON THE DOT AND NO LATER (as a pp said, you need a very thick skin for this and be confident that your career progress won't be affected, otherwise you'll just fret). Back at home station just after 6.30 and in the door by 7pm.

99% of the time, no problem at all. You can watch stuff on your phone, listen to music or audio books, I even crocheted and set up a fb page "commuter of the day" to document the odd and amusing things that I saw. V entertaining.

The other 1% is a bit shit, yes. Sometimes the trains go tits up and you have to get creative and get on a bus (spell of 2 weeks in 2 years after a line collapse) or cope with immense and sometimes hysterical crying, sweltering crowds (twice in 2 years). Sometimes there are delays (I recall maybe 4 or 5 occasions, but rarely held up for long).

Your train operator makes a big difference - I was South West Trains and they are not bad at all, but Southern have big problems.

The worst part for me was the mad dash at 5pm to get to the train early enough to get a seat - standing is miserable. People are a bit crabby and miserable at rush hour, get a thick skin and walk FAST! I got plantar fasciitis in week 1 and it was chronic for the entire 2 years.

Worse than all of that? Needing a poo on the train. I have IBS and even had a bowel infection whilst working in London, but developed incredible bowel control...apart from the time I had to make a dash for it at a random stop en route.

If you're generally fit, can keep a positive outlook when all around you are miserable fuckers in a rush, don't mind being pushed around a bit, hot or squashed sometimes, can handle sudden inexplicable changes to your routine, and don't mind very short evenings at home...I say do it, but don't plan to continue for more than a couple of years! It's doable but nice when it stops.

I have just signed up to do exactly that! (1h 50mins).
It did mean 50% pay rise though...

I do similar 3 days a week (did 5 days pre kids). If you have a good run on the mainline with a seat and can do stuff with the time it's ok. It's my only time to myself so I do value it.

Don't underestimate the £ cost though.

I used to have a minimum 1hr 15 min each way commute across London. Trains were reliable and I had lots of options but it felt like at least once a week something went wrong. I did it for a year and took a pay cut to work in a different role for the same company closer to home. I didn't realise how tired it was making me until I stopped doing it. Now I can cycle to work and if I get up at the same time I can go to the gym / swim before work and I actually have an evening. Our first baby is due soon and it means I'll be able to actually see them in the evenings when I go back to work.

It's a bit different for me as I didn't have extra costs to pay compared to commuting from outside London but I was really frustrated at paying to live in zone 2 and therefore having a flat not a house yet still having a long commute. Obviously you would have the extra space and benefits of moving out but I would think about it very carefully and also talk to your DH about the day to day reality. Is renting for a year or 2 a possibility? Then you could come back if it's too much.

To add: I love living rurally in a beautiful village. Really value my school run days, big garden and having countryside just outside my front door. I also love the buzz of London and still (after 15 years commuting) am not ready to give that up. My eldest really appreciates where we live too and the freedom he has around a small village. So yes, if the location is right it's totally worth doing in my opinion but definitely see if compressed hours and / or working from home is possible to ease the exhaustion.

My DH works 4 days and picks up the before and after childcare which helps massively. I see a lot of (invariably female) colleagues having to rush home for the pick up and I find it really helps having flexibility around that.

Also: I just drank a hot coffee all by myself on an empty early train. Commuting Fridays is brilliant as it's so quiet!

Not in London, but I had a 3hr a day (1.5 each way) if things were running on time journey to work. I lasted 6 months then couldn't do it anymore, there's no way I'd do it now I have kids.
On the plus side though I knitted a lovely baby/toddler blanket like a nutter on the commute.

My DH does this everyday.

He gets up at 6.15am and on a good day is home at 7.30pm. He is usually home at 8.30pm and there are many times that he creeps in at 11pm. He still has to leave before 7am the next day for that 9am start.

I am now a SAHM as the full running of the house and child care is my responsibility as DH is never around. He can't get home to do the school run in time (even in an emergency) as it takes too long. He is at the mercy of snow/leaves/person on the line / signalling problems..... there are frequent delays.

He does no housework, no cooking, no cleaning - I don't expect him to because he only has a 3-hour window (at most) to come home, get changed, say goodnight to DS, eat and go to bed.

Unless you sign off FULL control of childcare and household management to your DH, unless you are only prepared to see your DC at weekends, unless you spend every waking hour trying to reconnect with your DH because you are, in fact, leading separate lives, then don't do it.

If you are moving to be outside of London, better quality of life, big garden etc. (rather than moving to a specific location to be with family) then can't you find somewhere either within walking distance of the home station, or which has a train going in to a London terminal you can walk to your job from? Doing either of those things, while not cutting down on the total time, will take out some of the uncertainty (road closures, tube strikes etc) and stress involved in a multi-legged journey.

I would not do it myself. I had one year of 90 minutes by car and that was enough.

I'm with the don't do it crowd. I've done 4 hours a day a couple of times and I'll never do it again, life really is too short.

It's not 'just' an extra hour - 4 hours commute a day x 5 days a week means you'd be spending 20 hours travelling. Which is nearly 3 working days. If you consider your time valuable that's nearly 3 working days you're not being paid for. And are you sure there's parking at 7am? Near us it's all gone by then.

No house is worth it.

Vanilla. My dh did that for 3mnths when we first moved and I personally couldn't have continued with it as he was just never here.
But op will be back by 6.45 which is very different. And 4 days. and the trains aren't that bad!

It depends on whether you are likely to get a seat on the suburban train, can you work at all on the train (or read/relax) and can you work from home on a regular basis?

We live in zone 5 and home door to office door takes about 1.5 hrs each way. Which sounds a lot but some of that is walking to and from stations, the actual train is 45 mins and I always get a seat and use the time to read and get my head in gear. I walk at the London end rather than tube but it is only about a mile. I personally wouldn't cope with a busier train or tube, but I would be happier with longer on the suburban train or a longer walk either end as that part doesn't feel too stressful.

I've been doing similar or longer for 12 years - 4 years car commuting (not into London) and 8 years car/train/walk to my current job in central London, pre and post having DS, who is now 3. I love living somewhere green and rural and that my DS is growing up with the countryside as part of his life. And we couldn't afford a decent sized house and garden in London.

Mitigating factors though are that I get a seat every morning and most evenings on a reasonably comfortable air conditioned long distance train as opposed to a suburban cattle wagon train, so I can sleep/read/work for 2.5 hours of the 4 hour round trip. On the occasional days when the trains are disrupted in the morning, I can usually WFH fairly seamlessly. I can walk from the London terminal to my office so no bus/tube thank God. I only do the journey 2 or 3 days a week (I WFH 1 or 2 days and work 4 days in total). When I worked full time I was in London 4 days a week and tried to have Wednesday as my WFH day to break the week up - Friday is always the least busy commuting day as most part timers have it as their day off, I'm sitting on a half empty train right now! In some ways it's less draining than living closer in and doing a 45 min commute on packed trains and tubes (done that too, a long time ago now).

I also have good family support with childcare. I am out of the house 06.30 - 19.00 on London days, my husband does mornings with DS so gets home later than me on those days and my mum has DS in the evenings meaning nobody is fretting about nursery pickups if the train is late. Would you be moving to somewhere you have support or relocating to a place you like, but don't know anyone? That could make a big difference.

The downsides are no weekday social life, and not much evening (I put DS to bed, try not to fall asleep in his room, eat something, get stuff ready for next day, bed by 10.30, alarm goes at 5.15). Exercise and diet have suffered because my free time is spent with DS. However, living where we do makes up for it.

That sounds awful!

I did it for 4 years - 4 days a week with 1 day working from home. I can only remember a small handful of occasions where trains were truly awful, the rest of the time it was fine. However our train network is fairly efficient, friends of ours live on Southern trains network and others live on South west and frankly I don't know how they have managed.

Yes it's tiring, especially in winter but it kept me fit, I walked a lot! We live in a lovely village, it was definitely worth it.

However, I agree with pp that have said about parking and commuting at 7.30am. The car park was almost full by 7:30am and unless your station is the start of the line you are unlikely to get a seat at that time of the morning.

I've done just over 2 hours/day (60+ min each way) shift working for 25 years on the tube and I feel fatigued. I wouldn't contemplate longer. My considerations would include: how reliable is the journey (are the trains always running to time), how easy are the connections, will you get a seat, is there air conditioning / windows that can be opened, can you work flexibly/at home some days, childcare if both partners are late, how long will the situation go on for. You'll get very different opinions on what is an acceptable commute, some on here saying 2hr+ both ways 'normal' and the other extreme where people will refuse to take a job that's more than a 5 min drive.

To all the people saying "I couldn't do that" and "there's more to life" etc:

I know many people who commute 1.5 - 2 hours each way into the City. They do this because, as the people I know are generally aged around 30, they didn't get on the property ladder before prices went silly & can't afford to buy in London, especially once they have kids and need more than a shoebox 1 bed flat. Others simply want to live outside London.

But here's the problem. Most commuters I know can earn £75/80/90/100k and more working in London but would struggle to earn £25k outside of London as there just aren't the same jobs. And because they aren't old enough to have gotten on the housing ladder before silly prices they have mortgages of £2k per month which they simply couldn't afford on a 25k salary. And they live in 2/3 bed semis not mansions.

What I'd like to see is more companies embracing flexible working / working from home or having office space outside the City

I swapped a 35-45 minute commute from zone 3 in London for a move out of London and a ten minute cycle ride to work locally. Both DH and I took a pay cut, but housing is more affordable and we get to spend more time with the kids. Can you consider this?

Such a long commute would finish me off. You'd get a lot of reading done, though.