To think I can manage a 1hr 50 min commute each way

[Lucyannieamy]

Hi
I currently have a 35-45min commute from London zone 3 in. We are seriously looking at moving out, but need some views on whether the commute would be a killer.
Looks like it'd be leave home about 7am for a 7.30 train, 50 min into London, 25mins across London to get into the office on time. Way home is a little quicker train so if I left at 5 I should get home about 6.45

Kids are 7&4 and DH would work local.

Is it worth it to get out of London?

I did exactly that commute for about 10 years, although now work from home (the commute wasn't the reason I changed). I think the other points made are valid... on paper it looks OK, and I didn't mind my commute.. but lots of questions - on that 50 minute train, will you get a seat or will you be standing? How reliable is that train line? What is the cost of the train ticket (and car parking at the station if needed)?

I quite enjoyed my commute at times - I am missing the chance to read books, which I never seem to do now that I work from home. The commute was a chance to have some me time. However.. standing on a packed train, sweltering on the tube, leaving the office at 8pm knowing you still had another 2 hours to go.. not so good. And I don't have children waiting for me.. just a fiancé (who having complained that I was never home, is now complaining because since I've quit my London job all I want to do is talk at him when he walks through the door as I've been at home on my own all day!).

Ha ha, commuter trains are not relaxing. Often no seats available, OP plans to travel at busiest times.

Don't do it. I envy people with short commutes. You will resent the long journey. And what happens if you miss a train? You'll be rushed off your feet trying not to miss it

My DP does this - he has the odd whinge but he's out the house 7-7 so I cover everything in that time band and he pitches in when he is around. He's really disciplined about fitting in his exercise at lunchtime or before we all wake up. When he's not at work, we have a lovely life where we are and the children are happy so it's worth it.

Sit in the aisles with a book and headphones. Breeze in and your dh has done the hard work. No driving. I would do it.

Most people round here do similar to that, I know people who have done it for 20 years.

I do it a couple of times a week, and I am used to it now. I still look at people and think "How can you do this every day?" I would have to really really love my job to make it worthwhile. I try not to use the tube if I can, that makes a big difference. But I can go into Waterloo or London Bridge or Kings Cross if I change trains so walking is more of an option for me.

I recently had a contract abroad and did a 12 hour round trip. But, again, I only had to do it once or twice a week.

I am moving 4 hours away from here in the next few weeks. I will have a 5 hour trip to and from London once a week. A woman who lives where I am going told me "its worth it to live in paradise". I'm hoping she's right!

Plus in terms of cost of the commute, he's still better off after paying for travel than on his previous salary outside of London due to the pay rise.

in theory it should be relaxing
heating carriages in the winter, air-cond' in the summer, sitting down with a coffee and a book, or catching up on your latest favourite sitcom.

Reality is overcrowded, freezing or boiling carriages, no space, and people! Stinky loud unpleasant people, eating stinky food at ungodly hours, smelling of booze or fag, tarting up with no shame, walking on your feet, chatting nonsense loudly. There's only so many times the sentence I am on the train is amusing when they'are on the phone. actually, it never is amusing, just annoying

During the last strikes, there were people fainting and crying in the train, it was that pleasant.

I do wish I could afford a nice house in central London

I don't know how people do it. I couldn't.

I do exactly that commute and DH works locally. BUT I only do it 3 days a week since I went back from maternity leave (work from home 2 days a week). I get a seat on the train and am on a good train line. I have a 2 year old and I only see her in the evenings on the days I'm in the office. DH does all the nursery runs and gets her ready at both ends of the day which is a bonus. It's manageable and we get to live in a nice part of the world but I wouldn't want to do it for 5 days a week now. I tried doing 4 when I first went back but had to drop down to 3 as it was killing me (but then my daughter has only just started sleeping through the night).

I think it might just about be doable if you had no children and just needed to get yourself home every night or stay in town for dinner.

Or if you had children, you had a wife staying at home dealing with the household, like a lot of commuters in previous eras.

If you are expecting to go in from work and take an active role in parenting and the household and have fun with the children after work, and then do lots of activities on the weekend, I don't think it's realistic.

If you have any health conditions or are just easily exhausted (I am now I'm in my late forties) again, not realistic.

I had a similar three stage commute but only for an hour each way and that was bad enough.

As a pp said there's too much opportunity for things to go wrong : you'd be mad to consider this TBH.

My eXH did this for ten years, and there are an awful lot of people who commute further than that.

The downsides are the time, erratic trains, the cost of e.g. The season ticket, Being out of the house 7-7 on a good day.

The definite upside is the cost of living. When we moved from where we liveD to here (which is also outside of london but only 25 minutes and ex can walk to work from the station rather than having to catch the tube) we sold our four bedroom, three reception room detached house and bought a three bed semi for twice the price. so if you're moving out of London it will definitely be financially advantageous.

Also, the longer you do it the easier it is because it becomes a way of life.

You can't sit down in the aisles, aisles are usually packed, and even if there were space the floors are filthy and commuters would tell you off!

the longer you do it the easier it is because it becomes a way of life
for me it's just get worst the longer it goes on!

I used to on my commute to Aylesbury. No one told me off. When the train is on motion I have never been told off. I really enjoy being on the train.

Why do you want to get out of London?

My commute is 1 hr 45 mins approx, and I live in Oxfordshire and work in london. It's doable but a pain in the arse, and I only work 3 days and finish at 4:30pm...

Could you negotiate more flexible working hours?

NB I'm sure you've considered this but my travel costs £500 pm

I did this many years ago - 2 hour commute between Haringay and Milton Keynes. I was young, single, and without kids. I hated it, there wasn't time to do anything but eat, sleep and household chores. Don't do this to yourself and your kids.

My friend commutes in from somewhere green and leafy. Out of the house from 6am - 8pm most days as has drive to the train, and finds it hard to park otherwise, finds it easier to walk or run across town. Has a lovely set up in the countryside....looks absolutely knackered.

The timings you are suggesting leave no room at all for late trains, missed trains, delays...or needing to work a little or a lot late, socialising etc, not managing to leave on the dot. Is your work culture one where you can be out the door the minute 5pm comes? Most jobs that pay a salary where that kind of commute is worth while, expect more flexibility from their employees.

Any possibility of working a day per week from home? Or even on occasion?

“Some very delicate flowers here. I've been doing this - and worse - for the last 15 years. Many people will do this for their whole careers. Staggering how different people’s conceptions of hardship can be, isn't it?”

Staggering how some people can't understand why this would be difficult for many people. Some parents actually want to spend some time with their families you know. It doesn’t mean that they are delicate flowers. We aren’t all you. Some of us choose to have a different life/work balance. Some of us aren’t as career minded as you.

Thanks for your words of warning, lots of things to think about.

I currently work from home Fridays so would only commute 4 days and do manage to get out of the office at 5 (finishing off in the evening if I have to) . I have a fairly well paid job in the city with good career opportunities for promotion and the company is family friendly, good perks etc. I could do my job elsewhere, but being the city the salary mark-up is quite a bit more than the cost of the commute so financially this actually does add up.

Currently my quickest journey in is 14min walk to station, 20 min train, 10min walk to office, but that's often disrupted and I have to allow for missing a train so really 45 mins is about normal.

Which means the move only adds 1hour. I see those of you who wouldn't do 45 mins why you'd never consider 1hr and 45, but are there any thoughts on going from 45mins upwards?

The village we are looking at is 16mins drive from station so leaving at 7 would give a good window for parking and normal issues and the train home would get in at 18.16 so I should be home before kids bedtime.

Or dare I say it's a gender thing, it's ok for the man to commute to the money job in the city but not me?

I have done a similar move out of London with a longer commute.

I really hate it. It's been 18 months. I'm tired. It's hard not seeing the dcs for long chunks of the day. Luckily I can shorten my days sometimes but when I'm busy, I can go for days where I don't see the dcs.

I am getting ill more often. Just generally run down. And when the trains are screwed, it is awful.

The actual train journey is fine as I'm at the beginning and end of the line but the time is just too much.

I'm in a similar position so watching with interest

Of course few people would relish a long commute and less time with their kids - but with the reality of London house prices many families have little choice.

Think about what you're moving for - do the kids need more space, a bigger garden? Are you moving for less noise and pollution? Is it school catchment areas? Is it house prices?

You'd only be doing what thousands of other commuters do (though its fair to say its more often the men that are commuting).

If your partner is prepared to do all drop offs, pick ups, feeding the kids in the evening, covering emergency childcare issues etc - then the commute isn't unusual.

Just make sure you've both signed up for the reality and that the benefits are worth it.

We stayed in zone 3 as it just wasn't worth it for us.