To think I can manage a 1hr 50 min commute each way

[Lucyannieamy]

Hi
I currently have a 35-45min commute from London zone 3 in. We are seriously looking at moving out, but need some views on whether the commute would be a killer.
Looks like it'd be leave home about 7am for a 7.30 train, 50 min into London, 25mins across London to get into the office on time. Way home is a little quicker train so if I left at 5 I should get home about 6.45

Kids are 7&4 and DH would work local.

Is it worth it to get out of London?

can you look at locations taking you into a mainline station near to work? so no commute across central london?

Or dare I say it's a gender thing, it's ok for the man to commute to the money job in the city but not me?

What has gender got to do with it? It's an extra two hours out of your day.

When it's winter, you'll never see your house in the daylight except for the weekends/day off.

if you want to go for a drink after work, you'll be so late home that you'll cut your socialising in half (this was a big deal for me and I get so annoyed!)

If your trains are screwed then it's a pain.

What if the roads are icy and you can't drive to the station safely? (Rare but still it happens in the sticks).

Don't do it.

DP commuted the 50 miles to central London, all by mainline train, with one change. Catching the 7.22 train should have got him to work in plenty of time for a 9.00 am start. It rarely did.

His evening train should have got him to the station at about 6.30-6.45. No such luck.

If there was a day in the week when both inward and outward journeys ran to plan it was a rarity. There were many occasions when I was picking him up from the station at 9.30, 10, 10.15. There were quite a few occasions when I had to drive several stations up the line, about 12 miles, because the trains were going no further on our line. There were many occasions when he didn't get to work at all: rain, snow, broken level crossing gates, broken down trains - we had the lot.

He only did this for 8 months, paying thousands for the privilege, before he took a 30% cut in pay and got a job 30 miles away and commutable by motorbike.

Should probably add that all the commuting was done long before the recent strikes etc, this was a "normal" service.

Work it out monthly OP. I wouldnt do it.

My commute is 5 mins, 3 times a week. So only 1 hour a month out of my time.

I finish at 3.30pm. Showered by 3.45pm, I then walk to pick up DD & we are home for dinner by 4.05pm.

Personally I would hate it.

If you are expecting to go in from work and take an active role in parenting and the household and have fun with the children after work, and then do lots of activities on the weekend, I don't think it's realistic.

DP does a slightly longer commute than my 90 minutes and gets stuck in with the children the minute he gets in the door - as do I when I've done my commute. We have lots of fun and even manage to do things at the weekend. Yes we're a bit knackered but that's life with young children whether you are a SAHP or a WOHP.

It sounds miserable to me. My husband had a commute of about the same length of time, though it was all driving rather than public transport. It was only for a defined, temporary period and even so it almost killed him.

Adding so much extra time to your daily commute sounds utterly hellish. I definitely wouldn't want to do it. But then, I love London and would live there in a heartbeat if I had the chance (and the money).

OP, I do a 2hr commute twice a week (sometimes just once a week if I can get an extra day working at home). I have been doing this for 6 years. I just want to mention a couple of points. One is that my health has suffered a lot - a combination of being so sedentary (in office all day, then long commute) and that's based on only doing it twice a week, not four days like you would be. I'm also exhausted and anxious about being on time for work and not too late home all the time, it isn't a good state of mind to be in really. Also, it's not just about the commute itself - it's the fact that there is so little of the day left when you get home. I find it just about manageable because I work at home alternate days, so I have a bit of a recovery period to catch up on chores etc the next morning/evening. Would it be possible to move your working at home day to mid week rather than Friday? That would break it up a bit. Although appreciate Friday is usually busiest day for travel etc. Oh also as PP have said, a seat on the train makes the world of difference so I would honestly consider that a big factor. I usually get a seat - and do the online food shop, meal plan go on MN etc. You just need to weigh up the pros and cons, as I'm sure you are. Good luck.

Things to consider...
Quality of train ride - My trains are clean comfortable and reliable. I get on at first stop so always sit.
Your job sounds enjoyable, flexible and worth travelling for so that's a plus. And I'm assuming not the type of job you have to get too stressed about if you are running late occasionally. I.e. You won't get the sack...
Are you very keen on the idea of living outside London? I'm loving it and we enjoy our weekends more out here because there's loads to do (that we enjoy.. obvs there's loads in London too) and we never get stuck in traffic.
I do the commute 3x per week and my husband works locally. I am pleased how this has adjusted the balance of responsibility and it feels more even now.
Would there be opps for jobs more locally? My husband had been in city and found a job locally for fintec conpany.
I think people who have never worked outside their local town will have such a different view on this. Of course a 5mincommute is nice, but unrealistic for most city type jobs.

I did that for 3 days a week for many years. It was awful! I would really advise against it.

It wouldn't be for me, but this is quite normal in my office (also London).

I do an hour each way and hate it. I'd take a pay cut if I could work closer to home.

There's a survey somewhere that says people with a smaller house and smaller commute are happier than those with big house big commute because ultimately what makes people happy is time with their loved ones. Not big houses and big gardens.

Currently my quickest journey in is 14min walk to station, 20 min train, 10min walk to office, but that's often disrupted and I have to allow for missing a train so really 45 mins is about normal.

Which means the move only adds 1hour

How come you're so confident that your new commute wouldn't be disrupted in much the same way your current one generally is? Train delays/cancellations etc?

I'm not sure I'd do it, and I have no kids and am definitely a feminist so not a gender thing. Though if you'd be working 4 days instead of 5, that's something.

So if your shorter commute is often disturbed, adding time on to the journey, why assume that the same won't happen with a longer commute? Traffic on the drive to the station, no other options if the train is delayed, cancelled or diverted. And no, I would think the same if you were a man, it's a mad idea.

Ugh, I will never understand people who do this.

"I hate London! I hate the London lifestyle!" people declare.

To which the solution is

"I will move far away & import the London lifestyle with me! I will Commute long hours, barely see my kids, work long hours in order to pay for my high living expenses [like train fares]." I will probably moan a lot when I realise how small-minded & uneducated my non-London neighbours are & how much they look down on "outsiders" like me.

But hey ho, it's very common practice. Many people must think crazy long commutes are quite reasonable.

I had a commute like this when Ds was very young.
Basically I didn't see him on those days, although it was only 2 days a week.
Bad enough even when everything working well, but it became exhausting over time
Now I work locally

Brexit I don't commute into London. I don't do it because I dislike city life either. I don't have high living expenses. It's come about because of a massive change in my circumstances. It's not ideal, and of course I can see why some people wouldn't do it, that's completely valid - but it's valid to do it too, it's a case of pros and cons isn't it? I am just trying to do the best for my family, as I guess the OP is too.

Er, no it isn't a gender thing, I don't think.

I see a lot of SAHMs living in leafy Home Counties while the man commutes. I guess it takes one person to stay close to school and home if one person is travelling for 3 hours a day, and I would guess it is much harder then for the SAHP to get as much career progression or salary, I would not want to be tethered and do every bedtime and breakfast alone with the kids because my partner was on a train,

And I wouldn't want to do the travelling, either. I'd rather stay in a smaller house / flat in London if at all possible.

But I recognise that it is getting harder and harder to afford somewhere in town.

Stay a couple of nights I'm a B&B in the village, do the journey in and out of work, and see how it feels.

Also there are SO many nice places outside London that are WAY faster than 1 hour 50 mins total commute,

It does also put your DP in a situation where they will have to do all the school runs pick ups and after school care. It makes it very inflexible and therefore stressful if they have a job or study to maintain.

If you want a family house and you have a normal, not super high paying job, in central London, then this is the reality.

House prices are so high in the London boroughs that to be able to afford a traditional family house people are having to move further and further out.

And there are lots of jobs which are based in central London for which there are not any alternative elsewhere in the country

If you want a family house and you have a normal, not super high paying job, in central London, then this is the reality.

House prices are so high in the London boroughs that to be able to afford a traditional family house people are having to move further and further out.

And there are lots of jobs which are based in central London for which there are not any alternative elsewhere in the country

Depends how reliable and frequent th trains are. I have done a commute of that's length for years, from one side of London to the other. As long as you can read and do a bit of work on train, it is fine usually.

My commute is about 1:45 each way with a fair wind. That's 5 days a week. It's knackering and getting home, sorting dinner, homework, laundry, doing a bit of work adds to the exhaustion. Weekends are just catching up on the things we couldn't get around to during the week.

With strikes and/or trouble on train/bus/tube it's much much longer or impossible.

don't underestimate how often the trains are delayed or cancelled in the evening especially. They've had all day to run late!
of course it's doable but at what cost? there are ways of making it easier like parking at the station and getting on the train at the end of the line so you can wait on the train and get a seat but they can cost more money and commuting is already ££££ At some stations it's a tenner just to park .

I do 1.5 hours each way five days a week and DH does 1 hour each way. It's doable, but it can be hard. We live in zone 2 London, but the rise of London rental rates for businesses mean that our workplaces have gradually shifted further out of central London. Transport delays are the hardest thing to deal with, but we both have several means of getting to our places of work - we don't have a car, though. So, if one Tube line is down, there's another one to go on. If the train line down, there's buses, etc. I wouldn't want to do it if you're reliant on one means of transport for part of the journey with no alternative. So if there's a Tube strike, I can get to work by train and bus, etc. If one of you works locally, though, that should be fine.