To even consider ringing the school about school play role allocations?

[theduchessstill]

I know I probably am, but I really want some opinions as I feel so bad for ds and if there's a chance I'm not BU I want to know.

There is an end of year production every year at ds’s school to celebrate ‘leavers’. Main speaking parts are allocated to Y6s, but there are always a few smaller roles available for Y5s. The rest of KS2 make up the choir, which ds hates – not that that is an issue. He has been planning all year to go for a speaking part.

Auditions were held today and he is very disappointed to be one of only two Y5s not to be in consideration for a part. There were two stages – speaking roles and dancing and he went for the dance after his name wasn’t called for a speaking part and he wasn’t listed for that either. Apparently no roles have been allocated but everyone except him and one other were told they were still in the running.

My issues are that several year 4s have been listed as in consideration, which I think is very unfair when there were two year 5s who wanted parts. I also think it’s a lot of rejection – I know he will have been gutted in between the speaking and dancing audition and hate to think of him rejected for both. He is confident, but not over confident (teacher’s words from past parents’ evenings) and is very able but also ‘just so nice’ (also teacher’s words). I know I sound a total arse, but I include to show that they would not have nay concerns about him learning lines or having the right attitude.

I know he can’t have everything he wants, and so does he. His dad and I have recently divorced and he has had to make adjustments in the light of that. Obviously, that’s nothing to do with it really, and I don’t know if that’s colouring my opinion or if there is something inherently unfair about the way this has been done.

One a scale of 1-10, how much of an arse would I be to ring and ask why he wasn’t selected when Y4s were?

Has the school got a student council perhaps your child could raise the issue for themselves rather than you?

I think you should go in and asap - I don't think it's on to leave two year 5's out and then consider year 4's to do the parts. The year 4's will get their chance when they go into year 5!! Your son can't go back to year 5 now can he. Just be nice when you say it

I think calling the school seems a bit overkill but maybe you could grab the teacher at drop of for or collection and just mention that DS said he and one other child are the only two not in the running and seemed very disappointed and ask if there was a reason for it. If there are other children that are better for the role she then that is ultimately the schools decision and a life lesson we all learn eventually so calling and questioning them might just make you seem like an ass but just asking the teacher quickly if there was a reason because he seems disappointed will at least tell you why he didn't get any roles.

jesse

What other reason than the year 4s are better would they cite?

I know it's frustrating. My yr 6 DTs have not made the production this year or previous years but they did not pass the audition. I would not raise it personally.

Hi,
This could have been me writing this. My son was really into drama - had been in the talent show every year, and so was really looking forward to the year 4 musical (a one-off school production). He didn't get a speaking part. I was also upset as I had also recently separated from my husband, and had told him he should come to the production to see his son as he'd missed all the other times he'd been on stage... after two pathetic begging emails to the music teacher, I had to accept she wasn't going to take his previous experience into account, she said he just didn't do well in the audition. I told him to sing his heart out in the chorus and make sure to smile, as the chorus is just as important as the rest of the play. And sat through the other kids delivering their lines in a really wooden, quiet tone... but we both learned a lesson, you don't win 'em all, and the teacher would absolutely be wrong to cave into pressure from parents in any case. I think I was subconsciously wanting my son's success to counterbalance the mess of my marriage falling apart. With hindsight it was the right outcome, and my son has gone on to do much bigger and better stage performances. So I'd say 5/10. x

One of those overpowering mothers with entitled kids? That's certainly how you come across!

One of those overpowering mothers with entitled kids? That's certainly how you come across!

Be careful. I've known teacher friends to receive ridiculous complaints like this and, rather than pander, sort of say RIGHT then. And the child suffers and they are intentionally left out in future. Leave it be. You'll make matters worse for your son.

A boy in one of my DC's year at primary school never got to do anything in the school productions. It was always the same old kids who were ok but nothing special. I later discovered that he was an extremely talented actor, singer & musician who would've wiped the floor with the lot of them. When I asked his mum why on earth he hadn't been the star of every show she shrugged and said she had no idea, he was never asked so presumably they had no idea of his abilities. Just goes to show.....

excluding kids from something that should be fun and doesn't matter anyway is cruel and unnecessary

^^ I am inclined to agree with this sentiment.

Maybe you need to get a job? Or out more?
Helicopter much?

MummyBear1536

I don't think teachers think 'right then' and purposefully exclude the child because that would be hugely wrong.

What I do think happens, speaking only from my own experiences, is once you've had a run in with one of 'those' parents you feel less inclined to be partially helpful towards the parent beyond the professional minimum. E.g, don't expect me to be running around scared of you catering to your every demand. My willingness to be flexible goes down when someone has a name for being awkward.

I always feel for the kids of these parents. I teach a child whose mother is one of 'those' and honestly the child is the sweetest kid. I get the impression he is mortified at how often his mother calls up about utter non-issues.

Your friends sound like awful teachers and people Mummybear, if they abuse their power and treat children like that to spite their parents.

Whether the yr 4s are better or not is irrelevant. They are not meant to be in it, and get their shot next yr. This isn't Hollywood, it is meant to be inclusive.

MaisyPops

Excuse my lazy explanation. You have worded it perfectly. 'Less inclined to go out of their way to be flexible when a parent is one of those parents ' is probably a better way to put it.

There will be other plays and other opportunities for your ds. Lot and lots. I empathise with how you feel you are dissapointed for your ds but life comes with many disappointments and things that seem unfair. One of the best things you can do for your ds is to encourage him to see in the grand scheme of things the minor importance of this i.e. All the things he has to look forward to, moving into last year at junior school, excitement of preparing for next chapter moving to senior school and all the opportunities that come with that. Friends, family and the summer holidays. How important is a small school play really? Encourage him to take part in any capacity and enjoy the moment. Fair or unfair as it may seem now believe me neither of you will remember about this play with any significance in years to come. I would not advise calling the school with a view to what? Would you feel better that your son got a fairer part (in your opinion) because you called the teacher and had words about the unfairness of it all? Accept the situation and see it for what it is. I only wish I had someone to advise me not to sweat the small stuff so much on behalf of my ds 10 years ago I would have saved myself allot of heart ache and tears on his behalf. If your son really is that upset encourage him to ask for constructive feedback he can use for future auditions. And enjoy any part he gets. Once he is at senior school there are not many school plays etc to enjoy with him.

i think they should give all the P6 last year pupils a part regardless of how well they did!! after all its their Last year at the rpimary school

similar thing happend to my daughter she had rehearsed for a part in the christmas show and it was given to someone else ( who might have been better) she was offerd a part with Two words to say

If mummybear's friends are that spiteful then I'm shocked and appalled.

But a less nasty version (close to my take) would be.
Child isn't working as hard as they should and they're a GCSE student. I have limited places for intervention. Child could benefit with it but really shouldn't need it if they were doing what they should in class/homework.

Parent calls up to have a go, put me in my place, tell me it's my job to be giving their child 1-1 to get them caught up. I point out that really they're not strictly an intervention student and just need to work harder and stop wasting class time and do their homework better.

When I have to make a cut for limited places on intervention lists that child will not go on that list. Because I'm not giving an arsey, rude and argumentative individual any hint that they can kick off like that and get their way.

The likelihood is that the child wouldn't have made the cut anyway. But if they were a hardworking child and a parent had been polite then I would have done my very best to try and see if we could squeeze another child in above the limit.

I wouldn't pull a child who needed the intervention from it to spite the parent, but I certainly wouldn't be going over and above to help.

Maybe you need to get a job? Or out more? Helicopter much?

Read the fucking thread before being so fucking rude and unpleasant. I work f/t, am never at the school, and I think that is one of the reasons I have found this so tricky - I have never raised anything with the school before and this is not the first time he has ever been disappointed or a bit upset about something, obviously. I feel a bit guilty compared to all those mums who can have a quick word with the teacher and get the full story quickly and easily.

MaisyPops I can understand why you would feel that way about a parent who rang and demanded a role for their child, or who accused you of ruining the child's life by not giving him a role. But is that how you would feel about someone who rang and politely enquired about how the auditions had been run? Seems a bit ott if so.

I rang and the teacher explained that there were only a couple of speaking roles for non-Y6s - far fewer than in other years. She then said that a couple of year 4s had been asked to audition because they would be ideal for these particular roles in question - they would suit a certain personality type I suppose . They are minor roles but, knowing one of the children involved I can see where the teacher is coming from. However, I do think it unfair that Y5s are being overlooked and the teacher did acknowledge she could see where ds is coming from as Y4s have never had speaking roles before - but these children were so perfect she couldn't resist asking them to audition. I said I understood and we left that there.

She then said it is not the case that only 2 Y5s are not speaking, and I am relieved to hear that. However, all the girls are involved in a dance, leaving just boys in the choir - task they have had for the last two years. Ds was the only boy to audition to dance because he is desperate not to be in the choir - but I'm not surprised he didn't get picked for it, tbh. He was, therefore, the only one at the audition not to get his name called out as having been impressive, and I do think that was hurtful. The teacher said she could see that and said she was sorry ds had been hurt by it. I said it was fine - he would get over it etc etc.

I think it's not been handled brilliantly and I'm glad I spoke up for my ds. If the teacher now hates me/is laughing at me - well, it will say more about her than me imo. I don't think I've given her cause to in all honesty.

I think you've done the right thing

Loads of people saying leave it and YABU but reading through I think you were right to mention it (provided you didn't storm in demanding the lead role! ) sounds like they were insensitive and ended up hurting his feelings. He will get over it and hopefully by pointing it out to them they will be a bit more sensitive next year.
You may well find that they think of a little something he could do now it's been pointed out to them. I hope so!

I think you handled it exactly right.

It would have annoyed you how you left it, and now you know it wasn't as bad as it seemed to your ds.

I would like to think that the teacher will be a little more sensitive going forward.

I also think it's bollox about the year 4 personality types, unless this is going on the West End, but that's neither here no there.

But is that how you would feel about someone who rang and politely enquired about how the auditions had been run?
If done as 'my child was upset and has told me what happened. If I tell you what he's taken, could you shed some light on it?' then I'd be totally fine.

For example, as you've said the idea that only 2 didn't have a part wasn't quite the full version, it's just how your DC viewed the situation.

That way the teacher can explain/correct misconceptions (or if theres an issue still it can be calmlu.resolved) etc and that would be all good in my mind.

If it was "I'm not happy that 2 children are the only y5s who didn't get a speaking part and I want to know the full process and how you justified it given you went and said y4 could have places and I don't think it's fair etv" I would be a bit more reserved and oookkkaayy. If that makes sense.

Sounds like you were polite and measured. I always find a polite 'my child is upset about this. What's your take?' gets a good response from me. Whereas "I'm unhappy because x y z" just gets my back up because it doesn't even consider the child's missed the point/deliberately (in some cases) misrepresented it.

I've read the whole thread and I have to say you come across as entitled and over bearing as well as generally rude and unpleasant to anyone who disagrees with you. You asked "AIBU" and most say yep, YABU which leads to you clutching at your pearls in outrage that people disagree with you. Naturally you think your DS is amazing, we all think our kids are prodigies in the making, and maybe he is talented but has it ever entered your mind that a confident, outgoing and "expressive" (I cringed every time you wrote that) child such as your son does not need the confidence boost a minor part in a primary school production might be able to give a shy child with not much confidence? Not every child is as lucky as your DS and it could seriously help a child with self esteem issues, MH issues or going through a hard time to be given a part in this play.

Hopefully the teacher waited until you had hung up to laugh.

I would have done the same OP.