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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To even consider ringing the school about school play role allocations?

237 replies

theduchessstill · 24/05/2017 20:55

I know I probably am, but I really want some opinions as I feel so bad for ds and if there's a chance I'm not BU I want to know.

There is an end of year production every year at ds’s school to celebrate ‘leavers’. Main speaking parts are allocated to Y6s, but there are always a few smaller roles available for Y5s. The rest of KS2 make up the choir, which ds hates – not that that is an issue. He has been planning all year to go for a speaking part.

Auditions were held today and he is very disappointed to be one of only two Y5s not to be in consideration for a part. There were two stages – speaking roles and dancing and he went for the dance after his name wasn’t called for a speaking part and he wasn’t listed for that either. Apparently no roles have been allocated but everyone except him and one other were told they were still in the running.

My issues are that several year 4s have been listed as in consideration, which I think is very unfair when there were two year 5s who wanted parts. I also think it’s a lot of rejection – I know he will have been gutted in between the speaking and dancing audition and hate to think of him rejected for both. He is confident, but not over confident (teacher’s words from past parents’ evenings) and is very able but also ‘just so nice’ (also teacher’s words). I know I sound a total arse, but I include to show that they would not have nay concerns about him learning lines or having the right attitude.

I know he can’t have everything he wants, and so does he. His dad and I have recently divorced and he has had to make adjustments in the light of that. Obviously, that’s nothing to do with it really, and I don’t know if that’s colouring my opinion or if there is something inherently unfair about the way this has been done.

One a scale of 1-10, how much of an arse would I be to ring and ask why he wasn’t selected when Y4s were?

OP posts:

HeyHoThereYouGo657 · 25/05/2017 08:59

OP You are the type they changed Sports Days for ! Back in my ady the winner got a medal or a certificate or whatever and THAT WAS IT . Now everyone gets something . . so much for competitive things through life

Your kid didn't get a part . Tough . LOADS don't get talking parts .. I never did.

P1nkP0ppy · 25/05/2017 09:16

Talk about privileged!
You sound like the Parent from Hell to me. Clearly you think you're right so why on earth have you bothered to ask on here?
Your DC clearly wasn't good enough. End. Of.
Pretty poor example you're setting to him.

witsender · 25/05/2017 09:24

Some people just sound like shits to me. Who treats the feelings of a young child so cruelly? If only 2 out of a year don't get a part, that is going to smart. Breaking the normal protocol and picking younger kids instead (in breach of how they did things in the past) is going to really smart. Especially in the absence of any obvious reasons to the contrary.

Original poster

theduchessstill · 25/05/2017 09:27

Your kid didn't get a part . Tough . LOADS don't get talking parts .. I never did.

Yes, and I'll bet it did you no harm and helped make you into the wonderfully empathetic person you are today.

OP posts:

Newtssuitcase · 25/05/2017 09:28

That wasn't what happened though. Clearly if every year 5 child but 2 had bene given a part that would have been a different story. What happened is that a few year 5 children auditioned and out of those year 5 children 2 have already been told they didn't get a part. Others from that year 5 group who auditioned will also not get a part and the rest of year 5 didn't even audition. So the OP's child is not being singled out in any way.

Floggingmolly · 25/05/2017 09:36

Why are you so utterly convinced that your child is better than the other children who auditioned? Your staunch belief is quite staggering, actually.
Especially as you couldn't possibly have seen how any of them performed at the audition.

corythatwas · 25/05/2017 09:40

Like Andie said, I'd go in carefully here. You may well find that there are crossed-lines somewhere, and that either there will be more children not getting parts or that your ds has actually got a part in the chorus- which is still a part and should be treated as such. In the meantime, try not to focus too much on thoughts of "my dc are much better than other dc"- ime those thoughts never achieve anything positive; they just take time and energy away from enjoying what there is to enjoy.

HeyHoThereYouGo657 · 25/05/2017 09:54

Haha

Yea bite MY head and nobody elses why don't ya OP .

Entitled ..

I have empathy, plenty of it, but not when its whining over some snowflake not getting what he wants . TOUGH , Its Life

HeyHoThereYouGo657 · 25/05/2017 09:55

Oh and to answer your question go in the school . . Go . Be laughed out of the place but yea you are soooo right . Why even ask the question AIBU ffs

Coastalcommand · 25/05/2017 10:04

I'm puzzled as to why you ousted in AIBU if you didn't want to be told you were being unreasonable? And more so why you invented a 10 point scale for people to rate how much of an arse you are being if you didn't want people to call you a 10/10 arse?

I'm cringing at the thought of you ringing the school. Please don't do it. It's just too awkward for words.

It's a primary school play. Your child isn't even in the top year. This is getting out of hand.

silkpyjamasallday · 25/05/2017 10:14

Don't ring the school for gods sake! It's just luck of the draw for parts in school plays, I always got picked for lead roles but my DB who is going to drama school next year never got a big part even though he was and is a much better actor than I am. Auditioning and being rejected is part and parcel of acting, professionals have to get used to the rejection and learn to take it on the chin and move on to the next thing. If your DS really enjoys acting and performing maybe enrol him in a drama club outside of school, I don't know where you are but Playbox Theatre in the midlands is amazing, I attended from age 5 and eventually worked helping to run groups for younger ones as a teen. Something like this will build his confidence and often these groups are more fair and inclusive in terms of rotating who gets the big parts, not when they are older but certainly for younger ones who do understandably get upset at not being picked.

Helloitsme88 · 25/05/2017 10:19

When I was at school i knew id i wanted a very small speaking part I would have do a singing audition and not just a speaking one. I got the small part I wanted but only because I had to pretend I wanted a big main part that involved singing. Schools are strange. This was primary

Cromwell1536 · 25/05/2017 11:13

So you've asked if you'd be unreasonable, the majority of responses have said yes, but you're doing it anyway.

Entitled. Arrogant. Idiotic.

I hope you're laughed out of the place.

And there we have it again. My 'entitled' word count on Mumsnet is going well this week.

Nasty piece of work, you sound, by the way. Poo - yeah, that sounds about right.

TheClaws · 25/05/2017 11:15

OP. He'll have his turn next year.

Bostin · 25/05/2017 11:23

I don't understand this thread. I think you are perfectly entitled to follow this up calmly with the school.

Original poster

theduchessstill · 25/05/2017 12:21

If me calmly and politely enquiring about the process gets me laughed out of the school, then fine. I doubt it though - it's really not that shocking. I have no intention of demanding he gets a role or telling them his self-esteem is destroyed, or whatever it is people are imagining I'm going to say that I have never said I am.

And why on earth am I a nasty piece of work?? I think people are wilfully misunderstanding what I said about the Y4 students. I don't mean they aren't any good, I mean that they can't possibly be sooo much better than him in the minor roles in question that it justifies giving them speaking roles for the first time in at least the last 5 years. I'm not being arrogant, just factual, when I say that there's no way ds is so bad that protocol/procedure has to be changed to avoid him having a role. I'm sure that in previous years there have been more talented children in lower years, but they haven't been given roles because priority, until now, has been given to children in Y5 once all the Y6s who want roles have got them. Why is that so hard for people to understand ?

I get that people disagree, but I don't get why I'm arrogant, nasty and the over-used 'entitled'.

OP posts:

JigglyTuff · 25/05/2017 12:28

I agree with you OP. It's a fucking primary school play, not the Royal Shakespeare. It should be inclusive at that age.

user1487941567 · 25/05/2017 12:31

I'd go in. I always got a part due to good speaking voice and projection. I didn't even want the parts, usually narrator - I wanted to sing! So agree there may be teachers pets who don't even have to audition. I never did 😳

TheClaws · 25/05/2017 12:42

I'm not being arrogant, just factual, when I say that there's no way ds is so bad that protocol/procedure has to be changed to avoid him having a role

Sorry, I missed this - do you actually think the school changed the rules on purpose to exclude your DS? Do you realise how odd that sounds?

Original poster

theduchessstill · 25/05/2017 12:56

No, I haven't said I believe it has been done deliberately. I put that in response to people questioning how I knew he was better than others. I don't think it was done deliberately, but that doesn't men it shouldn't be raised.

OP posts:

Andrewofgg · 25/05/2017 13:07

With bells on.

If you phone I hope whoever you speak to is on MN too, It will make a good thread!

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 25/05/2017 13:12

God, why do people have to be so aggressive on AIBU - keyboard warriors, no one would surely talk to someone like that in real life

OP i feel your pain, your boy has had a shit time lately and of course that has heightened your sensitivity towards him and it is horrid when we see they are hurt. However, sadly it is life (can be shit at times hey) so personally I wouldn't make a deal of it to him, just tell him you're proud of him no matter what he does and he will bounce back. Rejection stings for us parents I think more, the kids always seem to get over it quicker.

pennypickle · 25/05/2017 13:15

Duchess you seem intent on having it out with school as to why your ds didn't impress at audition. Don't let anyone stop you. It may clear the air and make you feel better. There again.....

Floggingmolly · 25/05/2017 13:18

But that doesn't explain how you know he's better than the others? Clearly Year 5's having "priority" over Year 4's wasn't an actual policy at all... why would it be, when all three years are invited to audition?
Have you actually been keeping tabs through the years on who is cast in which role in the Year 6 Leavers play?!
Surely not...
Or is this just how you're rationalising to yourself why he didn't get a part in Year 4 either?

Babyonboard101 · 25/05/2017 13:20

It's not very fair to give a child a part just because they're older when someone else may have just beaten him to the post. It's not even about him, it's the y6 who's important in this. So yes very unreasonable tbh

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