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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To even consider ringing the school about school play role allocations?

237 replies

theduchessstill · 24/05/2017 20:55

I know I probably am, but I really want some opinions as I feel so bad for ds and if there's a chance I'm not BU I want to know.

There is an end of year production every year at ds’s school to celebrate ‘leavers’. Main speaking parts are allocated to Y6s, but there are always a few smaller roles available for Y5s. The rest of KS2 make up the choir, which ds hates – not that that is an issue. He has been planning all year to go for a speaking part.

Auditions were held today and he is very disappointed to be one of only two Y5s not to be in consideration for a part. There were two stages – speaking roles and dancing and he went for the dance after his name wasn’t called for a speaking part and he wasn’t listed for that either. Apparently no roles have been allocated but everyone except him and one other were told they were still in the running.

My issues are that several year 4s have been listed as in consideration, which I think is very unfair when there were two year 5s who wanted parts. I also think it’s a lot of rejection – I know he will have been gutted in between the speaking and dancing audition and hate to think of him rejected for both. He is confident, but not over confident (teacher’s words from past parents’ evenings) and is very able but also ‘just so nice’ (also teacher’s words). I know I sound a total arse, but I include to show that they would not have nay concerns about him learning lines or having the right attitude.

I know he can’t have everything he wants, and so does he. His dad and I have recently divorced and he has had to make adjustments in the light of that. Obviously, that’s nothing to do with it really, and I don’t know if that’s colouring my opinion or if there is something inherently unfair about the way this has been done.

One a scale of 1-10, how much of an arse would I be to ring and ask why he wasn’t selected when Y4s were?

OP posts:
EnglandKeepMyBones · 25/05/2017 13:35

Based on what you've said I wouldn't be calling. They won't be the only two children in year 5 without parts, and no year 4 may actually be given a part yet (if I've read correctly). Maybe wait for selection to be finished first.

Atenco · 25/05/2017 13:47

I agree with you OP. It's a fucking primary school play, not the Royal Shakespeare. It should be inclusive at that age

It's not as if they are studying drama and the teachers are expert casting directors. I can't understand why people are being so bloody nasty.

Waltermittythesequel · 25/05/2017 13:54

Sometimes it's very, very hard to see what you perceive as injustice and do nothing about it, because you don't want to be one of "those" parents though!

And if OP feels that strongly about it, she's going to want to do something about it.

I personally wouldn't ring!

JigglyTuff · 25/05/2017 13:58

Because it's AIBU Atenco and people take enormous pleasure in being utter cunts on here

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 25/05/2017 14:19

I don't see why Year 4s are suddenly allowed to audition if they never were before either. Maybe there is a good reason, but OP's son clearly doesn't know the reason if there is one.

OP, did you phone? Come back and tell us what they said!

BarbarianMum · 25/05/2017 14:24

I agree with you OP. It's a fucking primary school play, not the Royal Shakespeare. It should be inclusive at that age

So if 300 children want a part, then what?

This play offers roles to all in Y6 who want them . Any remaining parts are then offered to those further down the school. It doesn't take a mental genius to see that these parts will be limited. OP's son could be in the choir but doesn't want to.

JigglyTuff · 25/05/2017 14:35

I cannot believe every single child in year 5 wants a part. Really, how hard would it be to stick TWO extra kids in a crowd scene or at the back of a dance or something?

But more than anything, this seems to be poor communication on the part of the school.

First, the OP understood (perhaps wrongly) that there were a few small parts for year 5s, and none for year 4. That has always been the case and now it appears that has changed. Secondly, were the children aware that they may not get a part if they auditioned? Again, it doesn't sound like it.

All this could have been avoided with a letter home at the start of the whole audition process.

Cromwell1536 · 25/05/2017 14:42

Yippee, another 'Entitled' for my Mumsnet bingo.

BarbarianMum · 25/05/2017 14:45

OP's ds doesn't want to be back of the crowd Jiggly He wants a speaking part.

Waltermittythesequel · 25/05/2017 14:48

jiggly it's not that they're leaving him out of the play. He didn't get through to the next stage of auditions.

Cromwell1536 · 25/05/2017 14:49

Oh, god, OP, I'm on your side! I was quoting some user called 'Poo' who had slagged you off upthread and my comments were directed there - I don't think you sound arrogant or nasty or (Mumsnet word) 'entitled'-. I think you sound like someone who realises their child has been through the mill a bit and wants something nice to happen for them so their confidence is not further knocked, but boosted. I think primary school productions should be about that - getting everyone involved and opening doors. Time enough later for more competitive auditions when they're older.
If I were you, I'd get off this thread now. You know what you want to do, and even if it's AIBU there's no need for the level of criticism and the immoderate attacks you've come in for. But also, as another (sympathetic) poster said, whatever you do wrt. the school, you should keep a serene and cheerful demeanour about it all to your son. Which you will, anyway.

keeplooking · 25/05/2017 15:54

It is the same as the super soaker thread OP because you are not taking on board anything people are saying.

No, it's entirely the opposite. Lots of people on here are not taking on board anything the OP is saying. Surely anyone with a little empathy can appreciate how disheartening it must be when Yr4 children are picked ahead of Yr5 children who were invited to, and would like to, try out for minor roles in a Yr6 (not a whole school) production? They're not auditioning for RADA.

GaelicSiog · 25/05/2017 16:16

I was in a number of professional productions as a child and also had a lot of rejections, but never were there two kids kicked out of the audition while everyone else remained in the running.

Yes, it happens to adult actors all the time, but if kids in professional theatre can be handled sensitively, then you'd hope a primary school could.

It's not about not getting a part. It's about how it was handled.

Narp · 25/05/2017 16:16

I think that we understand that children get upset about things not going as they expected, or the rules appearing to have been changed

But we are adults. We don't have to enter into that mindset ourselves because we realise that things don't always go as planned, and we then we can't support them through the eventualities of life when they do.

You seem to be wanting this to make up for the sad thing that has happened to him, which is understandable.

If you need to tell then how he feels, then tell them how he feels. But they will believe that you want him to get a part because you asked, overriding the process they used.

Tell them later

OVienna · 25/05/2017 16:49

Dunno. It's unfortunate and I'd be disappointed for my DC too but I THINK from what I can gather of the facts as they've emerged on this thread I wouldn't say anything as he won't be the only Yr 5 sitting it out.

However, it is also the case that in many of these situations the same kids end up with the biggest parts (or any part), year after year. So - I can see why people do speak up and ask WTF is going on, from time to time. Schools don't always get this right.

Sleep on it OP and if you still feel strongly about it, consider saying something after half-term.

LadyPenelope68 · 25/05/2017 16:54

10/10 you'd been seen as THAT parent.

nina2b · 25/05/2017 17:09

Leave it, for goodness sake. They have decided as is THEIR right.

10

Judgydog · 25/05/2017 18:11

My y6 child is devastated because she "only" got a medium part in the leavers production. She had gone for a big part and had rehearsed and auditioned with her best friend who got given the main part. DD says it's "not fair" because she was just as good as her. She's probably right based on what I'd seen. However, I won't be going into complain. DD has never been given more than "Leaf No.3" in past productions so this is a huge improvement. I also won't be complaining as I know what a tough job teachers have to put on a show in a short space of time. This is why they will usually take the easy route and pick the kids they know they can rely on to remember the lines, not get stage fright, not muck about etc (not saying your DS would).

I know why they didn't pick DD and it's nothing to do with her acting ability. She has diagnosed memory difficulties due to severe dyslexia. While I'm sure she's more than capable of learning the lines, it would likely take her longer and I can see why the teachers wouldn't want to take the risk. I've told her many famous dyslexic actors didn't get even medium parts in their school plays - no idea if that's true but she bought it!

OP, your DS will get another chance next year. Please give the teachers a break.

Smellbellina · 25/05/2017 18:19

We have the same sort of end of year show at DC's school. This has been the first year they've opened it up to Y4 I think.
Tbh I'd think it was a bit off if any parts went to a Y4 before all the Y6's and Y5's that want speaking parts have been given something.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 25/05/2017 18:21

My children would be mortified if I phoned the school to question their failure to make it through to the next round of auditions. Absolutely mortified. They'd never tell me anything again.

Wallywobbles · 25/05/2017 19:24

Family experience is that the really nice kids get shafted repeatedly because neither they nor their parents make a fuss.

No harm in asking.

nina2b · 25/05/2017 19:42

Oh get real.

Arkhamasylum · 25/05/2017 20:11

There is a world of difference between not being handed the best part and not being singled out as 'unimpressive'. It seems to me that the school have rather lost track of the purpose of their play, if it leaves children feeling as if they made a mistake by trying. As others have said, it's not the RSC. What's the learning experience here? Dropping two children out and deeming them 'unimpressive' is a shitty thing to do and smacks of a teacher who has an eye on an opening night bouquet, rather than making drama a positive experience for pupils.

I would say something, OP, along the lines of the fact that the process seems unnecessarily brutal.

Paddington68 · 25/05/2017 20:35

I've known parents count the words and even the number of letters their child has to say.

HicDraconis · 25/05/2017 20:55

Blimey some people are downright nasty.

This is a year 6 play. Additional roles that need filling come from year 5. So I can completely understand OP being pissed off that suddenly there are year 4s in the running (who will have another two chances to be in the show!) while her DS isn't (who only has one more chance).

They should have cast the year 6 roles then just looked at the year 5 candidates. If I were the OP I'd also want to ask why year 4s were being included when year 5s - who wanted to be involved - were excluded.

I'd be even more pissed off if my year 6 child wanted in but was passed over in favour of a year 5 or 4!

DS1&2 auditioned for the senior syndicate school band. DS1 got in not on talent (the year 4 girl who is an amazing pianist is clearly better on keyboard!) but because he is year 6, and it's his last chance. He's definitely good enough and the school would rather be inclusive. Year 4 girl will have her chance again next year when she is in senior syndicate (years 5&6). DS2 is year 5 and got in over year 6s because he is a bloody good & naturally talented drummer - so we have kids on both sides of the argument.

YANBU at all to be thinking about asking the school, I'd definitely want to say something.