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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To even consider ringing the school about school play role allocations?

237 replies

theduchessstill · 24/05/2017 20:55

I know I probably am, but I really want some opinions as I feel so bad for ds and if there's a chance I'm not BU I want to know.

There is an end of year production every year at ds’s school to celebrate ‘leavers’. Main speaking parts are allocated to Y6s, but there are always a few smaller roles available for Y5s. The rest of KS2 make up the choir, which ds hates – not that that is an issue. He has been planning all year to go for a speaking part.

Auditions were held today and he is very disappointed to be one of only two Y5s not to be in consideration for a part. There were two stages – speaking roles and dancing and he went for the dance after his name wasn’t called for a speaking part and he wasn’t listed for that either. Apparently no roles have been allocated but everyone except him and one other were told they were still in the running.

My issues are that several year 4s have been listed as in consideration, which I think is very unfair when there were two year 5s who wanted parts. I also think it’s a lot of rejection – I know he will have been gutted in between the speaking and dancing audition and hate to think of him rejected for both. He is confident, but not over confident (teacher’s words from past parents’ evenings) and is very able but also ‘just so nice’ (also teacher’s words). I know I sound a total arse, but I include to show that they would not have nay concerns about him learning lines or having the right attitude.

I know he can’t have everything he wants, and so does he. His dad and I have recently divorced and he has had to make adjustments in the light of that. Obviously, that’s nothing to do with it really, and I don’t know if that’s colouring my opinion or if there is something inherently unfair about the way this has been done.

One a scale of 1-10, how much of an arse would I be to ring and ask why he wasn’t selected when Y4s were?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 24/05/2017 21:40

Op the others have not actually got parts either if I understand correctly, they are simply still in consideration, just your son is not?

Cromwell1536 · 24/05/2017 21:40

Ouch, I feel for you and your son, OP. I don't think you'd be an arse. If the production is supposed to involve the top two years so they can lead the school and have a bit of status, then being the only two Y5s not to have a part while Y4s get them is shite. The Y4s will get two more shots at it. And as for, 'ooh, they get the parts on merit' - well, they are primary school children, not the RADA intake. Surely the point of a school production is to help children spread their wings and develop a bit? If I knew the teachers involved a bit, I'd have a chat, and feel no way of an arse for doing it. There may be a problem in sacking a Y4 though.

rainbowgiraffe · 24/05/2017 21:41

Just for a minute imagine if every year 5 parent went in to complain. Don't you think the teachers have enough to do without parents moaning. Your child isn't even in year 6 and it's meant to be a leavers service.
Get a grip.

Cantusethatname · 24/05/2017 21:41

No one can hear any of the kids. Ever.
No one is in any way bothered or interested in hearing any kid except their own. So the year 5s should get the turn this year. Your son might not be that great at singing or dancing but the year 4s will be just as dire.

KnittedBlanketHoles · 24/05/2017 21:42

2 people out of a year group? If he's got that right, I'd phone.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 24/05/2017 21:44

I think it is 2 people who aren't still in the running for a part, @KnittedBlanketHoles - so it is fair to assume hat there will be other pupils from year 5 who don't get parts.

gobbin · 24/05/2017 21:45

Oh god it's stuff like this that means children end up with no resilience. The sooner kids learn:

  • delayed gratification rather than instant (and as an adult - saving up rather than chucking it on a credit card);
  • people don't always get what they want, no matter how much they want it / how long they've waited / how nice they are;
  • life really is unfair and not everything can, or shoud be, controlled;
  • the chances of them getting 100% in every exam are zero, so as long as they've done their best, that's the main thing;

the better for society. We are breeding neurotic, self-obsessed behaviour and allowing it.

Cantusethatname · 24/05/2017 21:45

But to reject 2 is mean.

JustHereForThePooStories · 24/05/2017 21:46

I know I sound a total arse

You sound it, please don't go to the school and show it.

AdalindSchade · 24/05/2017 21:46

Oh come on! How many parts are there? Loads more kids including more year 5s will get rejected before it is cast. He's not the only one. It's just the way it has fallen this year and he will get a part next year!

IAmNoMan · 24/05/2017 21:48

Just for a minute imagine if every year 5 parent went in to complain.

Why? That's really unlikely isn't it, even if it wasn't the case that only two of them are in this situation. Or maybe it's an excuse to tell someone to get a grip when you wouldn't say boo to a goose in real life.

SparklyUnicornPoo · 24/05/2017 21:48

YABU

Having let year 4 try it would be really off for the school to give priority to year 5. Are DS and the other child the only 2 in the year that didn't get through or just the only 2 of those who auditioned? Do you know how many year 5's auditioned/how many parts there are? Maybe there's a reason they invited year 4 to too.

Your OP said in consideration for a part, so they haven't even been offered yet? so none of the year 4's might get through and there will almost certainly be other year 5's that don't too.

Cantusethatname · 24/05/2017 21:51

And in 1977 I was the only girl in year 3 not picked for the Easter choir. Absolutely spot on musical decision, my singing was/is completely tuneless. But to be the only girl not in the choir...I was so upset. I would happily have just mimed the words, I knew I couldn't sing.

My dad complained to the school and I can't remember what happened but I know it was sorted. I've had many knockbacks since and have dealt with them! I'm not neurotic or self obsessed. I think the OPs point is that excluding kids from something that should be fun and doesn't matter anyway is cruel and unnecessary.

MycatsaPirate · 24/05/2017 21:52

How big are the year groups that every Y6 plus half of Y5 get a singing/dancing/speaking part? it's either a tiny school and a massive production of West End proportions.

And please don't be that parent. You still have another year of facing the teachers.

Original poster
theduchessstill · 24/05/2017 21:55

*Oh god it's stuff like this that means children end up with no resilience. The sooner kids learn:

  • delayed gratification rather than instant (and as an adult - saving up rather than chucking it on a credit card);
  • people don't always get what they want, no matter how much they want it / how long they've waited / how nice they are;
  • life really is unfair and not everything can, or shoud be, controlled;
  • the chances of them getting 100% in every exam are zero, so as long as they've done their best, that's the main thing;

the better for society. We are breeding neurotic, self-obsessed behaviour and allowing it.*

How lovely. He is already very well aware that life isn't fair, thanks. In fact, I had a thread on here at the weekend because I was worried about him telling me that 'life is hard, mum," and that 'you can't appreciate being happy unless you're sad sometimes.' He's had a divorce to contend with and a less than ideal father. You can sleep easy at night knowing he absolutely doesn't get everything he wants if that makes you happy.

I think I will ring, but in a tone of finding out what happened etc.

OP posts:
Bluetrews25 · 24/05/2017 21:57

He might not get the part, but he will learn the key lesson that we can't always get what we want, and life does feature disappointment. He will get over it sooner if his parents play it down 'never mind, can't all do it' rather than making a massive fuss. The sooner he can get used to this the better. Otherwise he will expect the earth all his life. Please don't feed this entitled attitude.

GaelicSiog · 24/05/2017 22:00

I have no issue with giving the parts to the best kids.

I have a big issue with telling all of the year group bar two they are "in the running" and those two that they are not.

I would talk to the school, but I would make it very clear that you are upset about the singling out of your son as one of the only two not considered, NOT that he didn't get a part. Those are two very separate issues.

Original poster
theduchessstill · 24/05/2017 22:01

I know being entitled is a 'thing'. I have come across it myself, sometimes in my role as a teacher. But being disappointed is a thing too, and so is unfairness. Every time someone address unfairness (not saying this about myself) it isn't because they're horribly entitled.

OP posts:
NImbleJumper · 24/05/2017 22:05

One a scale of 1-10, how much of an arse would I be to ring and ask why he wasn’t selected when Y4s were?

10/10

YABU. You know it.

JustHereForThePooStories · 24/05/2017 22:05

So you've asked if you'd be unreasonable, the majority of responses have said yes, but you're doing it anyway.

Entitled. Arrogant. Idiotic.

I hope you're laughed out of the place.

GaelicSiog · 24/05/2017 22:09

I think it would be unreasonable to ask why he didn't get a part.

I don't think it would be unreasonable to express disappointment he was singled out as one of only two children not good enough.

I work in the entertainment industry. I've been to enough auditions to know it can be brutal. But these are primary school children. There's no reason to single out two as not good enough when the rest as still "in the running." Just release a cast list when it's finalised and presumably more than two children will be missed off it. The cruel bit isn't the no part, its the one of two not good enough.

scottishdiem · 24/05/2017 22:10

I would have complained if every child got to do something apart from 2. I mean, basically that is a teacher telling them they are shit and should just go in the corner and do fuck all.

I never got selected for speaking or singing parts or even an moving thing (two left feet) but there was always some part for everyone. A teacher ignoring two pupils for this gives me no confidence they wouldnt actually ignore them in class as opposed to teaching them.

Life lessons are all well and good but the life lesson here is the teacher has all the power and you shouldnt advocate against that. I mean, why campaign for equal pay or equality at all if the life lesson is that other people have all the power. I mean really.

TrishanFlips · 24/05/2017 22:11

As PP said, much better to email. Less easy for the school to fob it off and you have a record. I experienced things like this with my DC. It's horrible and you should make your point.

Original poster
theduchessstill · 24/05/2017 22:13

Thank you GaelicSiog. I do think the process is at least partly what's bothering me. He has mentioned this off and on all year and I have not taken it for granted that he would get a part at all. But the 'only me and one other person' bit could have been avoided, is unnecessarily harsh and maybe wouldn't have happened had they not invited Y4s to audition.

OP posts:
HundredMilesAnHour · 24/05/2017 22:14

I think I will ring, but in a tone of finding out what happened etc

Please don't ring. Why post on here asking for advice if you then ignore the vast majority of advice given?

Your son is already going through a tough time after your divorce. Don't add to it by embarrassing yourself and him like this.