To even consider ringing the school about school play role allocations?

[theduchessstill]

I know I probably am, but I really want some opinions as I feel so bad for ds and if there's a chance I'm not BU I want to know.

There is an end of year production every year at ds’s school to celebrate ‘leavers’. Main speaking parts are allocated to Y6s, but there are always a few smaller roles available for Y5s. The rest of KS2 make up the choir, which ds hates – not that that is an issue. He has been planning all year to go for a speaking part.

Auditions were held today and he is very disappointed to be one of only two Y5s not to be in consideration for a part. There were two stages – speaking roles and dancing and he went for the dance after his name wasn’t called for a speaking part and he wasn’t listed for that either. Apparently no roles have been allocated but everyone except him and one other were told they were still in the running.

My issues are that several year 4s have been listed as in consideration, which I think is very unfair when there were two year 5s who wanted parts. I also think it’s a lot of rejection – I know he will have been gutted in between the speaking and dancing audition and hate to think of him rejected for both. He is confident, but not over confident (teacher’s words from past parents’ evenings) and is very able but also ‘just so nice’ (also teacher’s words). I know I sound a total arse, but I include to show that they would not have nay concerns about him learning lines or having the right attitude.

I know he can’t have everything he wants, and so does he. His dad and I have recently divorced and he has had to make adjustments in the light of that. Obviously, that’s nothing to do with it really, and I don’t know if that’s colouring my opinion or if there is something inherently unfair about the way this has been done.

One a scale of 1-10, how much of an arse would I be to ring and ask why he wasn’t selected when Y4s were?

[theduchessstill]

Yeah, let's hope she had a good laugh at the concerned mother and disappointed child who's gone through quite a tough time . I've been rude to two people on this thread, both of whom were pretty rude to me. My ds is nothing like as you describe - he is 'expressive' in terms of reading. I didn't mean he is always 'expressing himself', if that's what made you cringe (seems odd to me). He is nothing like you seem to be assuming, but the Y4 child I mentioned probably is a bit. But, you know, they're both just children.

It's reassuring that some people think I've done the right thing - though I do get why some people think it would have been best left. Dismissing me as 'entitled' and 'arrogant' hasn't been so helpful, but it is AIBU I know.

I feel very a bit sad that people reading this may think ds is spoiled or entitled or over-confident or something. He really isn't and I just felt ad for him being so disappointed and wanted to find out more. That's all.

[Cromwell1536]

Is there something wrong with you Mary? are you actually a troll? because your post is a collection of Mumsnet cliches (entitled! - again!! I am coining it in this week. "pearl clutching" - "MH issues' - really, you are priceless) and you obviously haven't read the thread because had you done so, you would have realised that the OP is particularly sensitive to her lad's feelings at the moment precisely because he has been having a hard time of it. The teachers I have the good fortune to know are diligent and care deeply about the children in their charge. Also very keen to have good relationships with parents. Certainly not the malicious types you have in mind.

[user1495025590]

I confess to not having RTFT but I think numbers are important.If there were say 6 children from Y5 who went for the parts and 2 are no longer under consideration, then that is fine.If it is 26 then not so much.

[Zena1973]

If calling the school and speaking to the teacher gave you closure than fair enough but it didn't change anything did it? You clearly needed to hear this was not a personal deacision which automatically made it more ok for you. I feel for the teacher having to justify the school choices to you and I feel for you who clearly had self esteem issues or suffers from minor paranoia that you made such a silly thing personal and are projecting this on to your ds. Move on and try living in the moment instead of hankering for what you feel is deserved in your opinion.

[nooka]

I think it was helpful to talk to the teacher, both for the OP to understand what happened and why and also for the teacher to be aware of the implications of the changes. Teachers are human too and they don't always get things right, often I think because they don't think through the possible consequences.

I think it's quite easy to overlook the children who get left out when the focus is on those being chosen. We had something a little similar with my ds when he was one of two or three in his primary school end of year assembly who didn't get an award or certificate, and so was left sitting on the benches pretty much alone. While it could be argued that he could have worked harder or behaved better it was pretty tough to see. His teacher was very apologetic and had some specific certificates made up for the individual children (ds got one for most improved spelling) and the year after they gave out the certificates in their classrooms instead.

[CasanovaFrankenstein]

I sympathise OP. Sounds like it wasn't handled very well.

I'm never sure if people do not read the initial post properly, let alone the thread, before they go steaming in with aggressive comments.

[PurplePandaPaws]

If some children are being 'considered' for parts does this mean that once the teachers have selected the best candidates, there wouldn't actually be speaking/dancing parts for all of them anyway? If this IS the case then I think it would have been more sensitive to your son and the other child to let them think that they were also in the running for a part (even if they were not).

[dontbesillyhenry]

I think you have a lot of angst regarding such an insignificant thing- are you having any counselling for your relationship break up?

[Benedikte2]

OP I think you've been treated unfairly by the majority of posters. My feelings in this situation would have been similar to yours and I don't think your reaction has been measured. I also think the teacher's reaction to your call intimated that she had not thought the process through and understood your point of view. It is to be hoped she will think a bit more deeply about it in future. You now have the info you needed to allow you and DS to move on.
Good luck

[gobbin]

I think during the latter stages of primary school it is fair to audition and select the best, even if older pupils are overlooked for younger, better.

It is similar to club sports (vast cricket experience here) in that there is definitely a place for 'all involved' for enjoyment but by Yr5/6 the more naturally talented are starting to show and they also should be given more opportunities to develop. Keeping all children on one level is not a reflection of real life and it doesn't show less developed children what they might aspire to.

[pilates]

I hope you feel better for making the call which I doubt very much and I feel sorry for the teacher having to justify herself. Who would be a teacher nowadays? What is wrong with choosing the best people for the job?

[gobbin]

As an example, my friend's DS at Yr2 was a (brilliant)!lead in the infants' Christmas production, whilst ine was hidden at the back picking his nose and looking end-of-term shattered. DS's son now takes lead parts in Uni drama priductions whilst studying a non-music subject. My DS is in uni and an excellent cricketer. Some just don't cut it, even at age 5!

[NImbleJumper]

I think it's not been handled brilliantly and I'm glad I spoke up for my ds. If the teacher now hates me/is laughing at me - well, it will say more about her than me imo. I don't think I've given her cause to in all honesty

I can see why you were upset on behalf of your DS, and your call sounded reasonable. But actually in the situation, I think YABU.

In another thread YOU complain about other parents complaining about your DS - can you not see the contradiction? You seem a bit overinvested in viewing your DS as always right & other people mistreating him. It seems like it's your issue - maybe some reflection on that would hep you?

[pollymere]

My dd school didn't even bother with auditions. Despite not hearing one child sing the songs or speak the lines, they have somehow managed to allocate all the speaking parts. My dd does a great deal of musical theatre so was surprised and hurt not to get anything, a few others were in tears. It definitely looks bad that children with parents who are governors or are on the PTA got main roles, and without auditions this just looks like favouritism. I've also seen situations where auditions happen but it's obvious the parts had already been allocated beforehand. Unfortunately, this is just life. It could be that the remaining Year 5s weren't right for the parts left. That's almost definitely the reason you'll be given if you ask...

[Atenco]

"I think it was helpful to talk to the teacher"

Yes I think so too. I used to teach for a short time and it helps to talk to parents who take an interest in their children.

I still think you should look into drama classes for your son, OP, because he sounds really enthusiastic.

[ExConstance]

I think you were being very reasonable. in my case the teacher involved had given her own daughter 2 parts (which I wasn't aware of when I asked the class teacher to intervene) if I hadn't raised the issue the nepotism, which others had noticed in other areas, would have continued, instead the teacher concerned was treated to a bit more than a quiet word by the head. oP I think you have been remarkably restrained.

[fannyanddick]

I think you were right to speak to the teacher. I'm sure they welcome feedback. Ido t know why people think that they wouldn't want to know. Next time the teacher may run auditions differently, so it may change something. I also think it's a bit odd to decide to audition the whole of yr 4 for the first time (thus reducing speaking parts for older children), just because they think one child fits a part!

[fannyanddick]

Surely they're meant to be acting, not playing themselves

[MummyMuppet2x2]

I've not RTFT but I 100% agree with OP's opening concerns.
I personally feel it's unfair to allocate a 'good' part to all but 2 children in a year group. The teachers should be more clued up about how to be more sensitive (and I know they do a difficult job, etc).
I feel an enquiry to the school would be beneficial to you, your son, as well as to the school itself.

[MummyMuppet2x2]

YANBU by the way

[scottishdiem]

OP I think you have done really well here and those who are critical of you are probably parents of vastly under talented kids who are getting lead parts merely for being the noisest and cheekiest in class who teachers cant see past and they know it. There scared that teachers will actually reevaluate their precious little monsters and give parts to children with talend.

Good for you.

[AnnieAnoniMouse]

You did the right thing 💐 For your own peace of mind, to help your DS feel less crap about it & to make the teacher see how upset DS has been by their poor handling of this, even though it was unintentional.

It is much harder if you can't just chat to the teachers at pick up, but they know that too.

Any decent human being, teacher or not, would not be laughing behind your back after that phone call. You're a teacher, you know that 😊

[witsender]

I was a teacher, and am friends with a lot of teachers as well as being on the governing body of the local primary. None of them would have been laughing at you, nor considered the call anything other than part of their job.

And as for the melodramatic "who would be a teacher these days"...trust me, this wouldn't even register on the shit scale of what they have to put up with right now!

[myusernameisgeneric]

It depends on if the system has always been yr5 have priority and parts are offered to yr4 if they don't have enough yr5's to fill them. If that has been historically the case then YANBU if it isn't then YABU.

Cutting just two kids may not be as harsh as it sounds. Say for arguments sake they auditioned for ten parts. If 13 yr5 and 7 yr4 auditioned that makes twenty kids for ten parts. If they then cut 2 yr5 and 3 yr 4 before a final round where they cut five more that's fine and fair. They cut kids in two chunks before they assign. It's a bit harsher than cutting 10 at once but it's no different in result.

[myusernameisgeneric]

Sorry just seen your update YANBU if (as seems to be the case) historically yr4 have never had speaking parts. Having a year with fewer speaking parts available for yr5 and then suddenly changing the rules to allow yr4 to also audition is harsh and unfair. She "couldn't resist allowing yr 4" is bollocks. They get their turn next year. It's not the audition system that's unfair it's the random moving of the goalposts because a teacher thinks there are some super special snowflakes in year 4.