To even consider ringing the school about school play role allocations?

[theduchessstill]

I know I probably am, but I really want some opinions as I feel so bad for ds and if there's a chance I'm not BU I want to know.

There is an end of year production every year at ds’s school to celebrate ‘leavers’. Main speaking parts are allocated to Y6s, but there are always a few smaller roles available for Y5s. The rest of KS2 make up the choir, which ds hates – not that that is an issue. He has been planning all year to go for a speaking part.

Auditions were held today and he is very disappointed to be one of only two Y5s not to be in consideration for a part. There were two stages – speaking roles and dancing and he went for the dance after his name wasn’t called for a speaking part and he wasn’t listed for that either. Apparently no roles have been allocated but everyone except him and one other were told they were still in the running.

My issues are that several year 4s have been listed as in consideration, which I think is very unfair when there were two year 5s who wanted parts. I also think it’s a lot of rejection – I know he will have been gutted in between the speaking and dancing audition and hate to think of him rejected for both. He is confident, but not over confident (teacher’s words from past parents’ evenings) and is very able but also ‘just so nice’ (also teacher’s words). I know I sound a total arse, but I include to show that they would not have nay concerns about him learning lines or having the right attitude.

I know he can’t have everything he wants, and so does he. His dad and I have recently divorced and he has had to make adjustments in the light of that. Obviously, that’s nothing to do with it really, and I don’t know if that’s colouring my opinion or if there is something inherently unfair about the way this has been done.

One a scale of 1-10, how much of an arse would I be to ring and ask why he wasn’t selected when Y4s were?

Just congratulate him on going for a part and tell him not to let this deterring from trying again. He will get a good message about bouncing back then.

My Y6 daughter who is shy but perfectly capable if asked (forced) quite wanted to be asked (forced) to have a speaking part in the 'leavers' play - there's only one small Y6 class so all get a part. I told the teacher at last parents' evening that she wouldn't put herself forward but would really like a medium-sized part with at least a few lines... She has been given the part of 'the cat' ... which gets to say 'meow' three times in the whole thing!!! Only seven more weeks of rehearsals, so she should be word perfect by July

Ah I've caught up...

It's a pretty small school. I'm not sure how many Y5s auditioned, but several did. Only two didn't get through. I don't see why the numbers involved particularly matters - two were singled out as not having 'impressed' the teacher - that was the term used

There's your answer.....

I don't think it's appropriate at all for the school to be giving roles to yr4 if some yr5's want them. We had this at my dcs primary but the understanding was all yr5 in the chorus to support the yr6's, on the basis that the same would be done for them the following year. Yr4's we're not involved. It also seems really odd that just your ds and one other child were 'knocked out'! I would contact the school.

I don't think there's anything wrong with asking for clarification on the way parts are decided. If on merit rather than age then ask how fair they think that is for 9/10 year olds and just how qualified they are to determine talent . My 2 dcs are grown up now but i used to watch with bemusement at the way certain teachers would take on their casting director roles with relish as if they were putting on a bloody west end musical. No primary school productions is going to win an award so just divide the parts up fairly. I understand that children have to learn that life is not fair, but primary school is when children should be encouraged to try everything, build confidence and not be told by some frustrated am-dram queen they they are not good enough. Gareth Malone wouldn't be so harsh!!

Reow here you go!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/569630-super-soaker-etiquette-at-parties

I don't think it's at all entitled to feel disappointed for your child. Or to want to discuss with the school the rationale for excluding 2 children out of a year group from the audition process.

10/10 - you'd mark yourself out as a complete arse. And if he gets wind of it you run the risk of making this all too important for him.
Minimise it, do something nice together instead, and move on. There are much bigger things to focus on.

Really?
10+ Arse. Let it go, it doesn't matter.

If you did bring it up with the school, and your DS was then given a part because of this, would you feel good about that? Or would it be better for him to get a part on his own merit - not because your forced the school's hand?

I know someone like this who has done this all throughout her two DS' years. Sends outraged emails nearly every day to the school. If one of them achieves a mark she isn't happy with, she blames the school. Etc. Don't turn into this person! Know when to back off.

If he is so keen on having a role in a play, could you not try to get him into after-school drama classes?

I recently listened to a biographical programme about Sir John Gielgud and, in his early years, he was often seen as a failure.

I haven't read all the posts because I found the ones I read a bit heartless and couldn't bear anymore. It all does sound terribly unfair, frankly, and I doubt the teachers are budding directors who can automatically identify talent and who should be discarded.

I'm in two minds. My dd in yr4 would have the resilience to weather this. She does plenty of activities outside of school and has made friends with a number of children of differing ages. I have the time and resources to do this with dd. I also talk to her a lot. I understand your ds doesn't have this as you are a working mum.

If you think this warrants communication, I would send a quick email to the main address. It will be bounced to the relevant teacher and is a far more effective way of getting your point across. If you do, I would focus on how his confidence has been knocked by being told the teacher wasn't impressed by his performance and that this is a sensitive time in his life due to your recent divorce. Perhaps ask if he can help in another way. You cannot control that yr4's have been given a chance when this is different from the past but you can advocate for your child to be included.

Better still, perhaps he could go and ask the teacher himself.

I think he should ask why he was ruled out so quickly. It doesn't sound like he is one of two Y5s without a part, though, it sounds like he is one of two who aren't continuing in the audition process. You would be unreasonable to go to the school before your DS has asked the relevant question: why didn't his audition impress?

I was teaching a drama lesson a couple of weeks ago and some students were 'performing' onstage. They treated the whole thing as a joke, couldn't stay in character, ignored the task itself and just ran round, pissing about basically. I'm not saying your DS did this, but if a student who behaved like this in their drama lessons came to me and requested a part in a school production, it would be a no from me.

Actually I think you should say something to the teacher if only 2 kids have been missed out. Just keep it casual and say your son is a bit upset at being left out rather than an email to school.
A similar situation arose with my DS last year. I said nothing for reasons suggested here and I didn't want to look like an over zealous parent however the parent of another child that had been missed out had a quiet word and a part was found. No fuss and problem solved. I felt crap for not speaking up.

I would wait a few days, he may well find that some of the other Y5's that have got to Round 2 don't get a part anyway. Then he'll feel in good company. If he's still upset after that and you really feel you need to speak to his teacher, I would focus on him feeling upset and left out, and not that he wasn't successful in the audition. I'm sure a teacher would like to know if a child was still harbouring a worry about this and could maybe just give some reassurance.

Also wonderig.... Did the teacher really say 'xx and xx have not impressed me", Or was it 'I've been really impressed by xx, xx, xx, xx...' And just that your son wasn't on the list. There's a big difference there. I'd maybe want to find out more if it was the former, but the latter is just life.

Thank you for all the understanding replies. I know I asked the question, but being a 10 + arse for being disappointed for my son and considering ringing the school? Crikey.

I want to have a casual word, though it's hard to do that because I'm not at pick ups etc - ringing or emailing never feels casual. And the one and only time I ever emailed before I never got a response.

It's true that the teacher didn't say ds and the other child hadn't impressed her, she said 'these are the people who impressed me and might get a role.' I do realise it's not as bad, but for ds it's saying 'you didn't impress me and aren't even worth considering for a role.' Just don't see what is gained by going about it in that way.

There also appears to have been some confusion with the way scripts were handed out to prepare, so I want to clarify that too. So I'm going to politely clarify what the process was, including it being open to Y4s. I won't be demanding, or even suggesting, that he gets a role.

I think if you have an issue with the process, then wait, and take it up with them at a later date. Not before the performance

I am also not sure that you know the full details of what went on. What a disappointed child says happened is not always what happened

X post

Just thought' have you considered drama at weekends or evenings? Not Stagecoach or whatever (pricey and maybe competitive), but local theatre drama groups and holiday courses? My DC have occasionally 'play in a week' courses at small theatres. Another girl I know does am dram (minor children's chorus parts) . Both tremendous for all round involvement and sense of achievement in the final performance..usually a total high (unlike school!). Having opportunities to succeed out of school (whatever scale of part, or backstage), really helps DC weather minor disappointments (and there will be many more ahead at secondary school soon enough .

I've taught students in schools for 17 years (instrumental teacher) and I would definitely ring to clarify the selection process - the bypassing of interested Year 5s for Year 4s is odd, if the usual 'system' is to allocate excess parts to Year 5s. There are often genuine misunderstandings between teachers and students. Only completely arsehole schools would refer disparagingly to you as 'that' parent if you called to check what happened. No school I've worked at would bat an eye if you contacted them about this. I would also treat your inquiry with respect, should I receive such a call. Kids who are passionate about performing should be given a chance in primary school, at least. As a pp said, you're not ringing the RADA selection panel to give them an ear bashing.

Totally agree with the ringing/emailing thing for working parents. I'm full time working LP and it is impossible to have an informal word with the teacher at pickup time. Then you feel as if you are an inconvenience if you phone, or blowing things out of proportion..... and maybe risk bring discussed in the staffroom if you email. Hope you get it sorted.

I've just clicked on the link to the super soaker thread. FFs, I only read the OP, but I'm amazed anyone sees a correlation between me and that poster/situation. Neither me or ds is insisting he gets a role. We are both just disappointed (I have encourage him to put it in perspective of course.) It is nothing like him being adamant that he is gong to go to a party and soak everyone there, while they have no soaker to fight back with. And there is the tiny detail about the rough time he's been having lately, but don't let that get in the way of you making a bitchy comment.

As for my mind not being changed by thought-provoking posts like 'yup 10 + arse,' well, what can I say? Maybe I didn't find that a convincing argument. There has been a sizable minority who have said that I may have a point, but again, ignore that fact and get on with telling me I don't listen etc.

The only comment I made that was anything like that thread was the one about knowing he was better than the Y4s. But all I mean is I highly doubt one of them is a renowned thespian in the making, and even if they are, they will get their turn in the next two years. They're all just kids, and inclusion and not being made to feel shit should be a priority.

I am really surprised that you think the teacher saying other kids impressed her is enough to make your DS feel like shit. Do you never expect him to be told he impressed anyone, for fear of making other people feel like shit? Bit OTT.

I don't see why the numbers involved particularly matters - two were singled out as not having 'impressed' the teacher - that was the term used.
These details matter hugely

Situation 1- all of Y5 other than 2 have been taken forward to the next round of auditions for the YEAR 6 play and the teacher told these 2 children they hadn't impressed her.

Situation 2 - Some minor gap filling parts have come up in the YEAR 6 play, say 6 year 5s auditioned and 4 went through still be considered, 2 weren't. The teacher said these are the 4 people who really impressed me.

They are very very different.

From what I can see it is a YEAR 6 performance and there's some little extras available and they've given year 4/5 the chance, if they want, to audition for a part in a performance where the focus is the YEAR 6 LEAVERS.

Your child is disappointed, fine. But don't call the school saying it's not fair it's been open to year 4. I got a place in a music ensemble in year 8 but friends had to wait until year 9. Reason? There was a gap that I fitted. If their parents had called up they'd have looked silly. Sometimes it's just getting the best ft kid for the part

I am really surprised that you think the teacher saying other kids impressed her is enough to make your DS feel like shit.
Same. Maybe we're going wrong by praising in the classroom and should stop lest someone feel like me saying something nice about another child is a personal attack on them.
This week I've pointed out kids I'm really proud of, excellent work, used work as examples.
Now I know that any praise to another child is really saying all the rest are shit.