Trigger warning **Title edited by MNHQ** AIBU-partner watching incest porn

[Messymumof3]

found our this evening that my partner has been watching mother and son porn - he says it has been going on for a few months. If makes me feel physically sick. a part of me feels that it's just fantasy and that it doesn't mean anything but another part of me just wants him to just leave . I'm disgusted that he could even watch it . I'm so upset /sick but it sure if I'm over reacting and that it was just porn .

"Porn is a deal breaker for me, and DP is well aware of that and so doesn't"

"I don't understand why so many people here find it acceptable for their partners to watch porn!!
I would see it as a huge disrespect; if your partner is turning to porn something is definitely wrong."

I find both of these comments really naive.

For some people, their partner watching (adult) porn is acceptable.

For some people their partner watching any (adult) porn is unacceptable and they would end the relationship.

Form some people their partner watching some types of (adult) porn is acceptable but other types is not and they would end the relationship.

Work out which person you are and act accordingly.

For me, what turns others on isn't for me to judge but whether I chose to be in a relationship with them based on that is.

I have issues with the abusive nature and background of porn, personally.

There is absolutely no way of knowing whether the 'consensual' sex you are watching is actually consensual or not.

With that in mind, I'd rather not run the risk of watching someone being abused or raped just so I can get my jollies.

Not prudish. Empathetic. My need for an orgasm does not trump someone else's right not to be abused.

Out of interest to those for whom their DP looking at porn would be a LTB issue, where do you draw the line?
a) bikini
b) topless
c) nude (closed legs)
d) nude (open legs)
e) masturbation
f) non-penetrative sex
g) penetrative, vanilla sex
h) group sex/anal sex
i) extreme/violent/degrading sex
j) illegal sex/abuse

My husband can watch whatever porn he likes, as long as it is legal and consensual to the best of his knowledge. I don't care if he wants to watch the most vanilla sex you can possibly imagine, or some "weird" fetish porn. I honestly could not give a shit. Whatever he wants to watch is his business.

It's just watching porn. He's not asking you to dress up and pretend to be his mum is he, so he has a private preference for something naughty, like lots of others. I wouldn't worry about it, you can't change people and it's not like he's a bad husband or dad, so let him get his jollies and warn him to clear his browser since you don't ever want to think about it.

DeadGood I think it's a theoretical deal breaker for a lot of people, but when it happens not so much.

I think it's a theoretical deal breaker for a lot of people, but when it happens not so much.

I wonder if anyone on here has actually LTB due to a "first time offence" of catching them looking at porn (when there were no other issues and it wasn't a compulsive habit)?

I suggest those of you offended with your OH watching porn have other issues i.e. with insecurity

Not at all - I think the sex industry is by and large unethical, often illegal and exploitative. It's extremely to tell the true age of the women (and men, but to a lesser degree) involved and it's downright impossible to know if they have been trafficked, are on drugs or under duress of some sort. Doesn't do it for me, thanks.

OP - I'd find this difficult, I think of probably want a couple of sessions (initially) of couples counselling to explore what's going on for both of you.

Anyone remember reading 'Flowers in the Attic' when they were younger? That was incest porn in novel format, WTF?

There have been huge threads on here where people STILL, as grown women, think Flowers in the Attic is a great book.

No, it's not. It's grubby and badly written. It's essentially incestuous rape. Lovely.

I read it at 17 and it left a nasty taste even then. Don't get me started on 'Heaven'. Horrible books.

Agree it's a pretty common porn topic.
When I've asked people about it, like PP's have said, it's about the older woman/younger man thing, and also the need to be looked after. Kind of a sub thing, I guess. Relinquishing power, being dominated by a more experienced person, the reverse power play. Sounds pretty common to me.
It doesn't mean he is into incest as it were!
Only you can decide what you are comfortable with. Although whatever you say, I'd bet my last penny him watching it again in secret, so bear that in mind.

People have odd fantasies- I've one or two I'd be mortified if anyone knew about but in real life I've only ever had an interest in straight forward vanilla sex. Give him a break if he's a good husband and father.

I don't think you're over reacting Op- you feel how you feel - everyone's different .

Ok so maybe I'm old fashioned, so prepared to be told as such.

But I thought marriage was about doing intimate stuff together, not each having a crafty shuffle on their own.

If I was hanging out for a bit and OH was away for a month then yes, I can see a bit of self fulfilment is an option. But if you live together day to day surely you wouldn't need to do something on your own ( men and women )

Have I got this wrong? or do you all think, and expect your OH's to be have a quick one on their own, while logged on to a website, and that you think that's fine as long as the content (unlike this weird stuff the OP's DH is into ) is ok?

I still would be a bit miffed that it was happening at all in a day to day living together relationship! It's not respectful of the other persons needs too, in my opinion. But like i said, maybe I'm just old fashioned.

Thank you for your very honest answer!
So what happens when one person is waiting for the other to 'be in the mood' but they ( other person) has been so busy 'doing it them selves' that they don't get around to having real sex with their own partner?

Surely this is where it all starts going wrong?

Being a little too self sufficient is not always a good thing if it means the other person is left feeling unfulfilled surely?

I don't watch incest porn, but I like reading erotica on it. Nothing to do with anything I do/enjoy in real life. Can say I've never engaged in any incest, nor have any desire to.

It started with fanfiction of all things. Sam and Dean Winchester are my hot spot.

I don't think I'd be that bothered, it's not like it's real incest? They're only role-playing. Maybe I'm too lenient.

The fact it's porn in general would bother me way more than the subject matter.

Being married doesn't mean you have to forgo all fantasies. Its normal.
and to suppress such thoughts is just bad for a marriage in the long term.

Having a look on Pornhub on channels in the top 10 there is:

ranked 3: Family Strokes,
179k subscribers
84 videos
52m views

Ranked 6: sis loves me
187k subscribers
66 videos
514m views

Then " honourable mentions"

Ranked 10: Moms Teach Sex
165k subscribers
141 videos
457m views

A little outside of the top 10 channels

Ranked 2: step siblings
112k subscribers
53 videos
190m views

It seems it's a lot more usual than people realise

Sorry 526million views

Wow 😳 At those porn findings.

I do know my dp watches now and then. It doesn't bother me.

I watch that kinda porn. Doesnt mean i want to shag my dad.

Its the taboo of it that people get of on, just like sex outside or anal sex.

It's a 'boak' from me too