Trigger warning **Title edited by MNHQ** AIBU-partner watching incest porn

[Messymumof3]

found our this evening that my partner has been watching mother and son porn - he says it has been going on for a few months. If makes me feel physically sick. a part of me feels that it's just fantasy and that it doesn't mean anything but another part of me just wants him to just leave . I'm disgusted that he could even watch it . I'm so upset /sick but it sure if I'm over reacting and that it was just porn .

it is just normal porn

with a strange title- no actual incest, no children

younger man/older woman- mum and son
older man/younger woman- dad and daughter
man/woman- brother and sister
older woman/younger woman- mum and daughter
older man/younger man-dad and son
interracial- step family members etc

as incest is illegal, i doubt pornhub etc would have it on their front page if real

For me the issue would be him fantasising about it when you're having sex, playing out what he's watched.Gross and incredibly insulting

This exactly. Ugh.

I think it's a huge over reaction as well, but one thing strikes me : was this just one video that he watched, alongside a bunch of other porn, or is his porn watching exclusively (or mostly) incest related?

If it's just the one video, then he might just have watched it because the woman was hot, and not because of the role playing side of it, whereas if incest porn is all he watches then either he has fantasies about it, or fantasies about large age gap sex, and this is an easy way to find it.

Male friends tell me it's really common. It just means older woman, younger boy, usually with a seduction element. MILFS are popular these days

The question is really whether it bothers you that he watches porn, I think. A question only you can answer.

noeffing because the DH of the OP is male. So acting out the mothered son, is far less of an issue in a family with children in it, than getting off on the father/daughter scenario.

If it was a man asking this about their wife I would have the opposite bias.

Its about the power imbalance. He is getting off on identifying with the weaker character, not the more powerful IYSWIM.

Does that make sense?

i think youre over-thinking it

it's about the sexy milf or sexy teen in this case

It isn't ludicrous nor is it a sweeping statement. Without going into detail that would out me, I've had training in this area. Regular porn use can be addictive. Raising the stakes and looking at more 'unusual' stuff can be a sign of addiction. Op, I recommend you look up addiction.

Sorry to say that it's fairly mainstream porn now - if you turn the sound off, it's fairly "normal" pain - I personally wouldn't differentiate it from "normal" porn. If normal porn is a dealbreaker, then by all means LTB. However, you might read too much into it

I wouldn't bat an eye tbh.

(sorry, my line should have been "normal porn" - says something about my autocorrect!

Porn is a deal breaker for me, and DP is well aware of that and so doesn't (AFAIK).

But that said, I think if your DH can be open and honest with you, and this was just a vague interest into something taboo rather than any actual desire to have sex with his mother (or adult children) then I don't see it as much worse than vanilla porn, and similar to a lot of other porn out there with horrible story lines.

I don't understand why so many people here find it acceptable for their partners to watch porn!!

I would see it as a huge disrespect; if your partner is turning to porn something is definitely wrong.

I really don't want to read "all men watch porn" like most people say, when they don't know the whole population of men.

OP if I were in your situation I'd leave the relationship, it would make me feel very insecure knowing that he is getting turned on by younger guys sleeping with older women.

"I've had training in this area" is right up there with "I work in the NHS" for skirting round the ultimately not very impressive actual job! Lots of mnetters who get very vocal about this topic seem to be very uninformed about basic facts. It's all a lot conjecture about "abuse" and "addiction" and not very much consideration of "acting" and the very very important factor of editing. You'll find the same clip on a hundred different sites with a hundred different descriptors. You'll find it edited in to different versions and if you're old school you'll find stills photography from it sold as yet another thing. They gotta get bucks for their bang! Of course there's plenty grim about the porn industry and op I understand why you're upset but, as you have found, on mn you'll just get extreme pearl clutching and the bizarre advice to decimate your children's lives at the drop of a hat. Bonkers.

I would be horrified as well OP but I guess I would look at it like I look at paedophiles and molesters - there is a difference. Molesters choose to act on feelings that peadophiles have and I imagine there are actually many people who don't act on them. I genuinely believe those feelings are mental illness and I would think incest fantasy is a bit like that as well. Its icky to think about it and it all makes us feel sick but I would imagine he actually needs to go for counselling for sexual issues. And if your partner is ill and needs some help do you feel like you should give it to him? But also if you feel uneasy about having your children around him then definitely leave. Like right now.

Heart is breaking for you rn :(

What ever you do, don't tell his Mum. That would really weird her out I expect.

Did no one watch 'The Graduate' when you were younger. What about '50 Shades of Grey'? Why is MN so prudish?

I wouldnt want to pretend to be his mummy, but I wouldn't be particularly bothered by this. You need to read some Nancy Friday if you want to know what weird shit perfectly normal people fantasise about

The Graduate wasn't about incest!!

"Why is MN so prudish?" not agreeing with/not watching porn doesn't mean that you are prudish, "un-cool" or somehow anti-sex.

Male friends tell me it's really common. It just means older woman, younger boy, usually with a seduction element. MILFS are popular these days

Yeah - I'm pretty sure when one of the biggest free porn sites releases their stats each year, incest is the most commonly searched for and watched category. If not top then it's in the top 5.

I'm not excusing it, by the way - any porn is an issue for me.

The Graduate wasn't about incest!!

And neither is incest porn. They are both about a milf an older woman seducing a younger man.

No very little seduction and no very little acting involved, just two professional porn stars banging each other for 5 minutes. Plain vanilla porn.

I'm not offended that my husband watches porn and why should I be? I enjoy it myself and he knows I watch it too. Neither of us are offended and we have a very healthy sex life. We don't watch it together either.

I suggest those of you offended with your OH watching porn have other issues i.e. with insecurity. I'm in an incredibly happy relationship where I could not feel more loved and my husband isn't some evil bastard who deserves a divorce just because he watches porn.

For me the issue would be him fantasising about it when you're having sex, playing out what he's watched.Gross and incredibly insulting

what on earth makes you think this is the case? porn is a fantasy. it is nothing to do with the sex you have with your partner.

if you've once had a fantasy, say, even if it was a regular one, about having sex with a particular actor or someone from tv - does that mean it's what you think about everytime you have sex with your husband who you love? of course not.

if the porn is legal, which is absolutely is if its from pornhub, and its not an obsession and your sex life/relationship is otherwise healthy this would not be a problem for me. the kind of porn someone chooses to watch, again if its legal and is not causing problems is their business alone, the same as what you might choose to fantasise about when you're DIYing.

Also if you read that pornhub analysis a pp linked to, stepmom/incest stuff was in the top 3 searches for last year. that is BILLIONS of videos. if OPs husband is a sick twisted individual for this then god help many others!

if your partner is turning to porn something is definitely wrong. genuinely curious to know, do you feel the same way about your partner masturbating? because personally i can't see a difference whether it's with porn or without. it's sexual stimulation that is separate and unrelated from your partner.