Trigger warning **Title edited by MNHQ** AIBU-partner watching incest porn

[Messymumof3]

found our this evening that my partner has been watching mother and son porn - he says it has been going on for a few months. If makes me feel physically sick. a part of me feels that it's just fantasy and that it doesn't mean anything but another part of me just wants him to just leave . I'm disgusted that he could even watch it . I'm so upset /sick but it sure if I'm over reacting and that it was just porn .

It's not my thing but I know its actually a very common fetish.

I don't think it means he wants to shag his mother. It's mostly about it being naughty/taboo/ forbidden etc.

And they're all adult actors.

Well this has certainly taken my mind off all the terror attack threads

This is the thing -I don't feel I've over reacted . I've talked to him calmly and asked why etc. No tears /drama . And now I've come on here to ask how others would react . I'm obviously upset and it has made me feel uncomfortable . I know there are probably thousands of men who watch this type of porn but I just didn't think my husband was one of those men .

www.vice.com/en_uk/article/why-is-incest-porn-so-popular-332

Worth a read. People are attracted to taboos and incest is right up there. However human sexuality is complex and not as black and white as, he watches incest therefore has an interest in it. Endears to oedipal complex on a subconscious level but if faced with incest I've no doubt he'd be as disgusted as you.

It would be a deal breaker for me, but everyone has different red lines.

I wouldn't dump someone because they have sexual fantasies that 'aren't normal'. Question.....Is he a good father? a good partner, a good companion? A good man? Surely that has to count more than unpleasant and dodgy fantasies that were meant to stay secret. Would he ever act on them? Why does he have them?

HCantthinkofausername - Why would you dump him cos he is 'not normal'?

Maybe it would be best to talk about why he has such weird fantasies and find him some help if it seems he needs it? If he is an= good man and good father in real life does he not deserve your understanding and help? I don't think such weird sexual fantasies come out of no where. They could have been placed inside him by some random or known dodgy adult when he was a child. Maybe he needs your love and support, not your disgust.

I am picturing the most prudish English lady in world by reading you OP . "You will never get past this " lol sorry. You're over reacting , porn is so badly done, is mere acting , no one is related .... I would try and forget about it. It's a fantasy. Think of melania and Donald trump ... she's young enough to be his daughter ... , 25 years difference ... a young 25 years old who looks even younger and an old guy might excite him , but it's not real ... it shouldn't upset anyone that much in my opinion. But if it does , then tell him.

Urgh. I have a particular fantasy that I wouldn't want in RL, but this crosses a line. Why can't he watch normal porn of a man shagging a woman? Why does it need to be mother and son? Nope, i wouldn't be able to let him near me I don't think.

Hmmm, I don't really know. If it was rape fantasy porn then it would be an absolute and immediate deal breaker for me personally, I've been raped and the idea of anyone getting off on rape fantasy, even if badly acted, revolts me to my core.

Incest? It would depend for me. Your husband watching son-mother all adult stuff is beyond revolting but I think I would be inclined to try and work through it, if it was father-daughter all adult stuff though that would be a very different ball game for me personally, and would be a deal breaker.

For some reason thinking about your mother that way doesn't seem as abhorrent as thinking about your kids that way. It really so where you would draw your line though isn't it?

Its porn, if you dont like it LTB. But aside from the title there is no incest involved. Its just older man/woman with younger woman/man. I dont see it as any different that any other vanilla pornography.

Think of melania and Donald trump ... she's young enough to be his daughter ... , 25 years difference

What an image, its enough to put you off sex forever.

Muva- I know I sound like a prude. And the line about not getting past it- but I know that it will always be at the back of my mind . Porn is not an issue and I realise know that I am naive as I had no idea how mainstream incest porn is . I've told him how I feel about it and listened to him. I'm not going to demand a divorce , it's just come as a shock as had no idea that he enjoyed fantasies about this

Some people really get off on taboo. It doesn't make them sick or potentially abusive. Nor does it mean they want to act on it.

You don't sound like a prude at all Messy it must have been a hell of a hasty shock x

Nasty, not hasty ffs.

Thank you loupgarrou.xx

A lot of old woman, younger man stuff is now lumped in this category. Which is just very odd.

LoupGarou even x

You said you can't tell your friends - You have nothing to be ashamed of! It's not a reflection on you. It's his choice. Why are you ashamed?

I think part of your discomfort is that you are now glimpsing a side of your OH that you have never seen before and you are trying to figure out how to reconcile this with your original view of him. This ties into your own views on sex and sexuality.

These types of porn videos are done between 2 pornstars with cringeworthy acting skills, they are very much adults in fact it's almost comedic what sort of ages the 'sons/daughters' are and how muscly the men are. I wouldn't break up with him over it if he is a great bloke in all other aspects, you probably have other people in your life who have watched these types of videos before.

Oedipus complex is well documented and incredibly common. It doesn't mean that a man wants to act on it and it doesn't mean that he's a freak either. It wouldn't be a LTB for me at all - it's a psychological urge not a sick desire. I'm sure he feels as confused as you do - particularly now it's 'out'.

A more measured approach needed here.

Waiting -I think that's exactly it. you've managed to write down how I feel -thank you xxx

What did he say when you confronted him? I imagine he's pretty embarrassed. Don't think I'd like my internet history read out to me when I'm not in 'that moment' anymore IYSWIM. Wouldn't be LTB for me but if it's way out of your comfort zone you need to seriously talk.

But fantasies and role play don't always make someone a sinister pervert, fyi.

You have a child.

That is Vile. Only a sick mind would think this is ok. It's a LTB from me.

I wanted to write a reply but Isadora expressed it perfectly. OP, i have a feeling that this is also about him having a secret he kept from you. That's more of a trust issue which I can understand as it may feel that if he has kept that from you - what else is it? Or perhaps made you feel you're not enough sexually which (having been there myself), is a hard one to take too. Neither is necessarily true. Shaming him won't open him up to you though, quite the opposite. I'd take this as an opportunity to reconnect again.

Ps I must say I am a bit taken aback how quickly LTB is trotted out by some.