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Original poster

Dsc, new baby and maintenance

783 replies

Gildolann · 22/05/2017 22:52

NC for this just in case!
DH has 2 dc, dss 15 and dsd 12. He currently pays cm to his ex wife.
I am 26 weeks pregnant and DH has been made redundant, so we have decided that I will go back to work full time and DH will be a SAHD, all going well with the birth, my post natal health etc etc.
DH ex wife has gone absolutely mental when she found this out, texting DH that i will still have to give her money every month. Saying her dc are more important than our unborn dc and how I will probably miscarriage again anyway and now I don't want to give her anything. I was going to continue the maintainance arrangement as normal but she has fucked that.

OP posts:
BrightonBelleCat · 22/05/2017 23:17

Gaelic inappropriate I know but that just made me snort.

GaelicSiog · 22/05/2017 23:18

Which bit, Brighton? Idina Menzel.

I bloody wish I was Idina Menzel Grin

NerrSnerr · 22/05/2017 23:18

Of course she was out of order for saying what she did but does that mean his children should miss out? If he's planning on not supporting his children he's awful. He's showing his children that his new family are more important to him.

stitchglitched · 22/05/2017 23:20

OP will your partner not get any say in how the family money will be spent once he is a SAHP? Wouldn't he like to allocate some of it to continue to support his older kids? Only a total deadbeat would agree to become a SAHP knowing that his older kids would no longer get any support from his household.

GirlOverboard · 22/05/2017 23:22

Calm down everyone. At no point in the OP does it say that the DH wasn't planning on paying maintenance when he becomes a SAHD.

stitchglitched · 22/05/2017 23:23

The final line of the OP suggests that maintenance will not be paid anymore.

steff13 · 22/05/2017 23:24

I was going to continue the maintainance arrangement as normal but she has fucked that.

Actually, the OP said this. I think, "she has fucked that," implies that the OP no longer plans to continue maintenance.

steff13 · 22/05/2017 23:25

Oops , cross post

Muddlingalongalone · 22/05/2017 23:27

Did you say that despite the change cm would continue at same level??

I can't imagine anyone reacting that strongly to news that her ex has been made redundant and presumably if you are 26 weeks she already knows so the pregnancy wasn't news?

GirlOverboard · 22/05/2017 23:28

Yes, the OP says she wants to stop the maintenance. There's nothing to suggest her DH feels the same way. So why's everyone attacking him?

selsigfach · 22/05/2017 23:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

GaelicSiog · 22/05/2017 23:31

Because if he's anything like my idiot of an ex he will go along with the OP.

I've had 7 years of this shit. Same old pattern repeats itself everywhere.

deuxmoulins · 22/05/2017 23:37

What his ex wife said to you was awful - however, crucially, whatever you is going on between you three as adults, do not for the love of God take it out on the children. No child is more or less important than the other. It is not their fault that your financial situation has changed, or that their mother is being horrendous. They still need clothing, sheltering, feeding and loving as much as your new baby will - when you married your DH, his kids came with him, whether you like it or not. The only person 'fucking it' will be you, when you fuck over your husband's children.

Blondienut · 22/05/2017 23:41

Bloody hell everyone seems harsh about this. Yes of course your dh has to support his children and should continue do so but people also have to realise that his '2nd family' needs to be cared for too. The Cms take into account other dependents in the paying parents house so the child maintence will go down when your baby is born. Just like if you were together and you had 2 children and a 3rd one came along there would be less money in the pot for the first two. Legally if your dh is not working he wouldn't have to pay anything but I think you have to look at your household income to be fair.

There are of course always two sides and individual cases but a lot of the time it's incredibly challenging for the the '2nd family' to financially sound when nyone jumps down my throat I'm notpaying out massive costs to the precious household. And before a

Allthewaves · 22/05/2017 23:42

Why are you telling her that your dh is going to be a sahd when the babies not going to arrive for weeks yet? How did he communicate with her? What did he say about maintenance to her

Underthemoonlight · 22/05/2017 23:45

TBH op your just as bad as her for wanting to stop the maintenance

Blondienut · 22/05/2017 23:45

Sugar that we my too early! And got jumbled up ! And no I'm not drunk! Anyway what I'm saying is yes of course you have to support children but sometimes it's incredibly unfair the amount of money that the previous household get with equity and spousal maintainence on top of paying for the children

GaelicSiog · 22/05/2017 23:48

blondie.

The key difference is the 2nd family has the option of looking at the financial situation and deciding whether they can afford a child on top of existing commitments with maintenance.

The 1st family does not have the option of turning the clock back.

Ellisandra · 22/05/2017 23:52

Disgusting what she said.

But still doesn't change the fact that his decision to be a SAHP should include how he pays his CM. Which is from your (personal) salary but from your (joint) family income.

You are both morally repugnant to be saying she has "fucked that" and no better than his XW for her awful words.

Original poster
Gildolann · 22/05/2017 23:53

Gaelic you could push all you want tbh it wouldn't make any difference

OP posts:
Blondienut · 22/05/2017 23:54

Yes I appreciate that. I'm just trying to point out that in these situations it can often be challenging for the 2nd family too. I absolutely agree that children should be looked after and maintainence paid as should be. But I also think that movinthe op an

GaelicSiog · 22/05/2017 23:54

OP with all due respect, this isn't about his ex, who I accept was an idiot.

It's about the DCs. Are you really willing to take this out on them just because you can?

Blondienut · 22/05/2017 23:54

Sorry my bloody phone ....it's gone crazy. I also think the op and her dh have a right to have a future too.

Original poster
Gildolann · 22/05/2017 23:58

How did She find out that we were planning for DH to be a sahd? I assume the dsc told her.

OP posts:
WomblingThree · 22/05/2017 23:58

Exactly GaelicSiog. I will never understand why women marry men who already have children, and then expect his children to just fuck off when their own PFB comes along. If he can't afford to support the children he already has, he shouldn't bloody have any more. It's not a complicated concept FFS.

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