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Original poster

That you don't ask guests to change their wedding outfit?

667 replies

poopsqueak · 20/05/2017 09:55

Got a phone call this morning from my brother (sheepishly) asking what I was wearing to his wedding.

I told him 'black dress' and asked why and he said his wife to be is worried ill either 'stand out' or 'fade into the background' and could I change it?

The wedding is in 2 weeks, I've had the dress for 2 months (no return period) and my mum (mother of the groom) has had the same call. My mum just said yes though. She had a navy pant suit that she had bought and went out and bought another pink dress to be more in theme.

I don't have an official part of the wedding though so i don't think I am messing up a theme. Also I got the dress as it was neutral and made me feel good. It was also £150 and I just can't afford another one.

What should I do?

OP posts:
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39
jamrock · 20/05/2017 11:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Secretsquirrelclub · 20/05/2017 11:15

It is a nice dress just not really suitable for a wedding. Irrespective of superstitions and making negative statements! If you are going to a summer wedding, then surely you would wear something bright and summery ?

Naicehamshop · 20/05/2017 11:16

I think black is quite unusual for a wedding but anyone with a grain of common sense would probably just let it go (maybe with a bit of eye rolling!)

(I'm wondering if you are very young op, because this idea of not wearing black at a wedding is probably more of a slightly older person's view).

MackerelOfFact · 20/05/2017 11:16

I have to agree that a black dress is a slightly odd choice. I wouldn't go out and specifically choose a black dress for a close family member's wedding. Black dresses are for the office, funerals and nightclubs!

Having said that though, it's pretty rude of them to actually ask you to change it. It puts you in a terribly difficult position as I don't think you can reasonably wear it now without causing offence.

EveEve13 · 20/05/2017 11:16

That's a gorgeous dress! Love it - but if they rang and asked and there is history there.. I would try and change or at least go shopping for a coloured sheer long over top and same colour in jewerrlay.
My worry is she will hold it against you for a longtime - could you borrow something nice from a friend?

I8toys · 20/05/2017 11:18

Has she asked every guest what they are wearing - or just you?

Crispsheets · 20/05/2017 11:19

I don't wear "bright or summery". Or florals and prints.
Only black, white, navy and grey.
That is probably why I avoid weddings.

laurelstar · 20/05/2017 11:19

It's a lovely dress but not for a wedding, especially in the daytime in June and definitely not your brother's, when you know the bride would prefer you not to.

Fruitcorner123 · 20/05/2017 11:20

Loads of women wear black for weddings and have done all the time I've been going to weddings I don't think these traditions have mattered for a long long time. I would be fuming at being told what to wear. Do what you said and add a pink accessory if you like but honestly it's not normal to dictate what random guests wear. She sounds like a bit of nightmare.

I8toys · 20/05/2017 11:20

Me too Crispsheets - bright or summery - makes me go cold! You get a dress that you would never wear under normal circumstances and that thing that goes on your head.

InfiniteSheldon · 20/05/2017 11:20

Rude of your dB but Ruder of you. If my sil and my mil turned up wearing all black/navy as if my wedding was a funeral is be a little upset and assume they really didn't like me. Perhaps your dB is protecting his wife to be. That dress is lovely but not suitable for a summer wedding what on earth were you thinking? Do you dislike her,?

rollonthesummer · 20/05/2017 11:20

I wouldn't wear that to a wedding, no.

DoomGloomAndKaboom · 20/05/2017 11:21

dannydyerismydad WHAT??!?!

I wouldn't have chosen a black dress for a wedding tbh. If you really can't borrow/rent/buy on ebay a different dress, then I think it'll look ok if it's accessorised with pink things.

Foureyesarebetterthantwo · 20/05/2017 11:22

At the last wedding I went to, which was a chic London affair with lots of professionals, the majority of women were wearing black! Yes, with bright accessories etc, and it was in the middle of winter but black was really the main colour. It looked ace, mainly as they were all thin, had swishy hair and the whole thing looked very stylish. You would have looked slightly out of place with a lime green dress, fascinator and matching shoes...

That said, this bride obviously does mind, so I would try to change my outfit on that basis as there are cheapish dresses around this time of year in the sales.

theDudesmummy · 20/05/2017 11:24

I have not RTFT and I realise that these days things are different but I always understood that it was not polite to wear either white or black to a wedding.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 20/05/2017 11:25

Sorry, I don't think wearing black to a wedding is acceptable. And now you know why it isn't, the fact that you're still going ahead with it means you have very little respect for the bride and groom.

strikhedonia · 20/05/2017 11:27

well, navy is completely fine for a wedding, cream on the other hand...odd choice to say the least

That you don't ask guests to change their wedding outfit?
gillybeanz · 20/05/2017 11:28

Black is considered as bad luck at a wedding and not really worn, but you bought it and feel good so should wear it.
I do see where she is coming from with the black and navy tbh, and I suppose you'll be in the family pictures, she should have said something before though when you had time to change it.
Black is also the the protest colour when you don't agree with the wedding, hence where the bad luck comes from, meaning somebody wishes you an unhappy marriage.
It's only folklore though, you obviously hadn't realised.

laurelstar · 20/05/2017 11:28

For the bride and groom, it's their wedding day and one of the most memorable in their lives. For the guests it's a fun day out. The bride and groom's wishes should be considered.

strikhedonia · 20/05/2017 11:29

more navy than black, but still appropriate
(sorry, I stop here)

That you don't ask guests to change their wedding outfit?
Crispsheets · 20/05/2017 11:29

18toys
I would look like Grayson Perry

QuackDuckQuack · 20/05/2017 11:29

Leaving aside the question of what colour your dress is, two weeks before the wedding is far too late for the bride to think she can have a say. If she'd had an opinion months ago then it might have been worth sharing it then, but now is just rude.

Bluebeedee · 20/05/2017 11:30

Did they say if there's a dress code?

Could you add a belt/bow/ accessories to the dress? I went to a black tie wedding and wore a black dress with gold ribbon around my waist to jazz it up a bit!

strikhedonia · 20/05/2017 11:31

The bride and groom's wishes should be considered.

only if you don't wait until the last minute to tell your guests about them. 2 weeks before the wedding, when many people will have already bought a new dress because it's their brother's wedding, it's a shitty thing to do.

MaidOfStars · 20/05/2017 11:32

Here's another who wouldn't wear a black dress to a wedding. I also wouldn't wear a dress with such open shoulders nor see-through waist panels.

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