That you don't ask guests to change their wedding outfit?

[poopsqueak]

Got a phone call this morning from my brother (sheepishly) asking what I was wearing to his wedding.

I told him 'black dress' and asked why and he said his wife to be is worried ill either 'stand out' or 'fade into the background' and could I change it?

The wedding is in 2 weeks, I've had the dress for 2 months (no return period) and my mum (mother of the groom) has had the same call. My mum just said yes though. She had a navy pant suit that she had bought and went out and bought another pink dress to be more in theme.

I don't have an official part of the wedding though so i don't think I am messing up a theme. Also I got the dress as it was neutral and made me feel good. It was also £150 and I just can't afford another one.

What should I do?

Could you tell them you will buy another dress if they pay you £150 for the dress?

I wore an all black dress to an August wedding but I was heavily pregnant and couldn't afford a new dress and it was my DH's friend's wedding, so quite a bit different to the OPs situation. I think I was conscious that I was wearing black and wore a gold bolero and birkenstocks like I said, I was heavily pregnant and my ankles/feet were massive.

I have worn black with black and white spotty hat, bowed shoes and jacket. I have also worn black with cream jacket and bag. Not one person said a thing. If you accessorised with shocking pink, jade or electric blue, then it could look awesome.

Just for the record...being surrounded by my friends and family would be more important than the colour of their outfit. Wearing leggings and vest top, football kits and trackies pisses me off more and I have seen that amongst guests before now!

Surely the shop you got it in would have an exchange policy? Most retail places have the 28 day rule for full cash or card refund but will give you a credit note or will exchange it for another dress if labels etc still attached so at least you wouldn't be at a loss financially?
Just an option if it's really going to be an issue

It is rude of the bride to ask you to change your outfit.

But wearing black to a wedding is rude too. It's a rather passive aggressive move.

omg! I wasn't aware of the no black rule.
I attended an evening do of dps relative and wore an all black dress.
it was sleeveless with very fine straps and came to just above bra level, so I wasn't covered in black if that makes sense.
ages ago I attended a wedding and wore a black dress along with a long elegant cream jacket, my friend who's wedding it was advised me to buy the dress.
I think in the ops position I would accesorise with coloured shoes, bag and hat.

I've just realised I've worn black 3 times to a wedding. One was with a cocktail dress code, one was to an evening do and worn with white/nude accessories and last when heavily pregnant (and wedding at short notice) and I wore a black chiffon shirt and maternity cami with a cream wrap. No one was bothered!

I think the English habit of bright floral dresses for weddings is not nearly as chic as black or navy. You can always accessorise pale or bright to make it seem summery. To phone the groom's relatives up 2 weeks before is just rude. I think if young, modern royals are wearing navy or black to weddings the etiquette must have changed (for those who followed it). Let's face it, most of us would like to wear expensive, formal clothes more than once and navy or black fits the bill. It's a beautiful dress and they should have told you before.

I've seen a LOT of people wear black to a wedding. A lot.

I don't like it, myself, but you won't be implying anything by it these days, I wouldn't have thought. I think people who take these things to heart really need to find something more important to worry about...! The people I've seen before just looked more party-ish than wedding, but no one seemed to notice or care.

With accessories as you've stated, OP, you'll be fine.

Bad sign for him to be marrying such a twat!

Those pictures of celebrities/royalty wearing black are very different to how I would imagine most of us would look (sorry OP you could look like Cate Blanchett for all I know). I think they look so sleek and beautifully groomed, tanned, slim etc and most normal people just don't look like that with the best will in the world.

My friend wore black to a dance thing a couple of years ago and she had black sheer tights, black high heels and a purple bag, she honestly looked like a Victorian in widow's weeds as my Irish mum would have said! Looked so odd for a June party and would look dreadful at a wedding. I think that whole disapproval aspect is quite funny and had never heard of it (at 50).

I hate pastels too I have to say but I think sleek black with tanned legs could just about be ok. Not too sure about the OP's dress, it was so long back on the thread that I can't really remember it tbh! Lacy and a bit billowy?

I also got married 20 years ago and am so glad that Instagram etc didn't exist then, I can't imagine asking guests what to wear but thinking back they were all in those dreadful little short sleeved jackets in various colours! Looks so awful now but like everything it dates.

I think black can be very chic in an Audrey Hepburn kind of way. Pencil dress, pearls/statement necklace, cream accessories.

Black involving anything lace, hippy, flowing, teamed with purple/dark colours like green, and black tights etc is a no-no.

As a soon-to-be bride (that may be slightly Bridezilla!) I like your black dress! It has cut outs/lace effect and isn't a shift dress so I think it's fine for a wedding, especially with coloured accessories.

You can come to my wedding if your future SIL doesn't approve

Star

I agree. And anyway, there is only one person on these pictues (DoC) that wore all black... Unless I missed a picture.

I wore an outfit that was mostly black but with some small, very sweet pastel coloured flowers as detail. I was hard up, a size up from usual and got it in the sale.
I ASKED the B&G if they minded (DB & SIL) with the offer to return the outfit if they did mind - they said wear it.
Wearing black to a wedding(as you would a funeral) can be seen as a PA way of saying you don't agree with the wedding.
Thought it was common knowledge to not wear black to a wedding without checking - should I really have had to stipulate "no white/ivory" on the invites I sent to DHs cousins?

Black is fine!

The only RULE is don't wear white. I wore black to a wedding recently and got loads of compliments on my dress. Sure, it's not a "summer" colour but the style of the dress is lovely and summery. DO what you want!

And this whole "black dress means you don't agree with the wedding" bollocks - if you don't agree with the wedding, surely you just wouldn't go....

Thought it was common knowledge to not wear black to a wedding without checking - should I really have had to stipulate "no white/ivory" on the invites I sent to DHs cousins?

Well, actually, people do wear white/ivory dresses to weddings. As long as it isn't a bloody wedding dress you'd have to be pretty crazily insecure to mind someone wearing a simple cream dress with jacket and hat.

As others have said no black for a wedding is a very old fashioned notion now ( apart from in Mumsnet land). Any recent weddings that I have been to, there have been plenty of guests in black.

No black for a wedding might be old fashioned but all black isn't, I think black from head to toe looks really inappropriate.

No, definitely old fashioned. All black can look really lovely even to a summer wedding.

his wife to be is worried ill either 'stand out' or 'fade into the background' and could I change it?

What do they want you to do exactly? Stand out but not stand out at the same time?

Your dress looks FABULOUS op. Just divine.

Pastel accessories would be a good compromise, maybe even a pastel pashmina type thing or a jacket, but absolutely do not change that dress, its really lovely and perfect for a wedding.

Never knew wearing black was a no-no, and Ive been to lots of weddings where similar styles have been worn. How very petty and bridezilla!!

I agree @GahBuggerit, it's very bridezilla.

When I get married, I'd love for everyone to turn up in whatever they bloody want and to be themselves and show off their personal style. How boring and controlling to demand everyone turns up in pastel!

Seems Instagram-esque and fake.

I'm getting splinters from sitting on the fence. While I wouldn't choose a black outfit for a wedding I wouldn't have cared or noticed if someone had worn black to my wedding.

I think dictating a colour theme to guests is bridezilla behaviour though.

Is it so important that all the guests match in photos? Really? Isn't having your nearest and dearest there to see you get married more important? And as for ringing several guests two weeks before the wedding to ask them to change their outfits, that is really not on.