That you don't ask guests to change their wedding outfit?

[poopsqueak]

Got a phone call this morning from my brother (sheepishly) asking what I was wearing to his wedding.

I told him 'black dress' and asked why and he said his wife to be is worried ill either 'stand out' or 'fade into the background' and could I change it?

The wedding is in 2 weeks, I've had the dress for 2 months (no return period) and my mum (mother of the groom) has had the same call. My mum just said yes though. She had a navy pant suit that she had bought and went out and bought another pink dress to be more in theme.

I don't have an official part of the wedding though so i don't think I am messing up a theme. Also I got the dress as it was neutral and made me feel good. It was also £150 and I just can't afford another one.

What should I do?

I was brought up to believe, like many on here, that it is the height of bad manners to wear black, in any form including bag or shoes, to a wedding. It shows that you do not approve of the wedding and wish them both a painful death in the near future with strong curses. For me, it would be better not to attend than wear black, it's that serious. However, it's my belief, and the belief of most in the (industrial) town I grew up in, it's not yours. An "outsider" who did not know of this wore a lovely cream and black dress to our wedding and was horrified when she was told (after suffering from terrible looks, tuts and people avoiding her all day.) DH and I are still happily together and I bear her no ill will, but I was shocked and, fleetingly, thought about getting back in the car and calling the wedding off when I saw her in the church.. it was quite a surprise to me actually that I had such a strong gut reaction to such a silly superstition.
Anyway, we don't know if your future SIL knew you were wearing black so it's probably not because of my daft (but deeply inbred) superstition. I'm sure you will look wonderful in you lovely dress with pink accessories, so, in spite of all, I say go for it and enjoy the day.

I expect she's upset her new SIL is proposing to wear a black dress, and I don't blame her.

Save the black dress for another occasion and buy something which doesn't scream "funeral!'

Having had never been to a wedding before I went to my brothers intimate wedding in a long black dress and got nothing but compliments on it.

Never knew wearing black was frowned on until mn I hope no one paid any mind to a superstition.

Just wear the dress op and get some accessory to match the theme.

Or of course this

Incredibly rude - no matter what happens now either you or she or he or all of you is going to feel awkward about the outfit - but just ignore the actual rude request and do whatever you can to accommodate/tone down e.g. break up the black with pink accessories. What kind of dress is it, can you post here? Jacket or stole over the dress? Belt? Shoes? Jewellery? Alternatively if you think you would get the wear out of the dress on other occasions could you borrow another one for this occasion? There is no way you should be out of pocket over this but honestly I'd try to keep the peace and have a laugh about it afterwards.

I'd tell him that I will buy a new dress if they pay for it. Honestly, the cheek of some people!

Sleep

of course it's completely fine to wear black at a wedding, the rule is not to outshine the bride (or trying to) and avoir bridal colours (white/ivory/cream)

It has been many years since people stopped wearing black and purple for months when they were in mourning, black has become completely acceptable. So many black dresses would be completely unsuitable for a funeral, but look lovely for a wedding.

Really? Riv, you thought about calling off your wedding because a guest was wearing a (patterned) black dress? That sounds completely OTT. I've worn black to weddings. Didn't mean I wished anyone any ill. Means I am more comfortable in black!

Really? Riv, you thought about calling off your wedding because a guest was wearing a (patterned) black dress? That sounds completely OTT. I've worn black to weddings. Didn't mean I wished anyone any ill. Means I am more comfortable in black!

I wouldn't wear the M&S monstrosity.

Everyone will be dressed in that this summer...

Do nothing until Thursday (so just over a week till the wedding?) then phone/text/message your brother and say

"so sorry, I haven't been able to change my dress as I bought it two months ago ... so disappointing, I wish you'd mentioned this sooner ... but never mind, tell me all the themes colours and I'll try and ger some accessories to fit in."

Cooperative, friendly and final option! They don't need to know that the reason you were unable to change your dress, was because you didn't actually try!

Tell the snotty cow to go jump in the lake. Refuse to give into her completely unreasonable efforts of control. Wear the outfit you have.

My friend had black bridesmaid dresses. They all looked lovely, fitted in perfectly, and did not "stand out" or "fade into the background".

What superstitious crap.
"Shows you wish them both a painful death"
Wear your dress OP.

I wouldn't wear black either it's rude!!

I suppose fewer people get married so there should less chance to grasp the basics

Phone your brother and ask for the real reasons there's an issue - or even the bride - then decide

Black for weddings isn't really the done thing and you may stand out from a sea of florals, nudes and brights as it's summer. People may find it funny and wonder if you hate the bride if you're the SIL too. Not a huge deal though.

I don't normally pay attention to 'rules' but wearing black to a June weddig smacks of "It should have been me" and you are doing a silent protest!

Could you maybe have a pink jacket or shrug to cover the dress or somme really colourful jewellry/other accessiories

I wore a long lace dress to a recent wedding. Had a fancy low back and looked great. No probs with black to a wedding. I find it odd when people are wearing all white or ivory tbh. ( and they are not the bride obviously!)

I really don't think you should wear black to a wedding, especially if you know the bride doesn't want you to and she's your sister-in-law to-be. Sorry!

Yanbu - she's being a bit bridezilla here but personally would just wear something else to keep the peace. Absolutely not on that they've given you two weeks notice and are unable to return the dress though.

Save it for a less high maintenance couple's wedding...

Long BLACK lace dress!

I wouldn't have a problem with anyone wearing black for a wedding as long as they didn't team it with a black veil too!
Go in your black dress but as others have suggested lighten it up with some more colourful accessories.

Sleepfreezone - you are evil! She would certainly upstage the whole wedding party in that pink number - or how about the removable shorts/trousers that has also stunned us on these posts!

Can you show us the dress you have bought?

In my experience, black is usually worn to weddings by people who are trying to make a point (they are against the wedding 'match') or they are trying to draw attention to themselves. Black and another colour is totally fine, but black on its own, no.

One of my friend wore something a bit like this at my wedding in black, not navy. (summer wedding). She looked amazing, and I looked amazing too in contrast on the photos. Not rude, not unpleasant, just a lovely dress. Nothing wrong with black when it's the right dress.