That you don't ask guests to change their wedding outfit?

[poopsqueak]

Got a phone call this morning from my brother (sheepishly) asking what I was wearing to his wedding.

I told him 'black dress' and asked why and he said his wife to be is worried ill either 'stand out' or 'fade into the background' and could I change it?

The wedding is in 2 weeks, I've had the dress for 2 months (no return period) and my mum (mother of the groom) has had the same call. My mum just said yes though. She had a navy pant suit that she had bought and went out and bought another pink dress to be more in theme.

I don't have an official part of the wedding though so i don't think I am messing up a theme. Also I got the dress as it was neutral and made me feel good. It was also £150 and I just can't afford another one.

What should I do?

P.S. Do you get on with your brother's wife-to-be otherwise OP?

Riv, I'm trying to guess where you're from!

Ah I didn't know that about black being against the wedding! Never heard of that before. That might make sense a bit. (Not that I'm completely against the wedding- although there are problems)

My brother was a bit embarrassed on the call to be fair- I suspect he made it to a number of people that day! I only know about my mum as she told me.

Wearing black or white to a wedding is not done. Patterned black you can get away with, although I still think its not really on. Most of the reason that people now say its acceptable to wear black is that they are afraid of colour. Black is 'safe' and also means you don't really have to think about it. I work in fashion retail and this is what I am told time and time again as people buy black for weddings. Navy blue is just as bad IMO. Unless you are accessorizing with a vivid colour (such as pink), you should avoid black like the plague. There are so many beautiful dresses out there in great colours (apart from the M&S pink monstrosity!) that I don't understand why anyone would go for black.

So that you don't fade in the background, I'd say wear white and stand next to the bride throughout the day, that will make her happy

The black dress rule is just as common as the white dress rule, or so I always thought.

Black dress/June wedding looks like you're disapproving or attention-seeking. And if your mother had worn a navy pantsuit then it would definitely look like a "we hate the bride" statement.

I'm surprised it's not more commonly known!

I also think it's rude to wear black to a wedding, especially a summer one. I wouldn't want anyone to wear black to my wedding, but I don't think I'd actually say anything.

Surely the fact you're there, not what you're wearing is the important thing? It seems a lot of hoo haa over a colour.

Fwiw I wore black when my Dad and stepmum married (fairly low-key, early spring wedding). I certainly didn't wish them ill, and they've been married 25 years now, so I don't think it did any harm either...

I think it's rude to wear black or white/ivory/cream to a wedding. If you don't want to make an effort to look 'weddingy' you don't have to go. Although I guess as grooms sister maybe you do feel you have to. Grooms mum in navy and sister in black, I'd find that very odd. I'm not surprised the bride wants it changed. I wasn't an official part of my siblings wedding parties, but I ran my dress past the bride (colour, cut) because as a sibling I'd be in some of the important photos so didn't want to clash. Just basic politeness.

It's this. I am going to wear a coloured fascination and shoes.

Your poor brother!

Incredibly rude to ring up and get you to change your outfit.

But, it is a bit gauche to wear black to a wedding and if you can find something else in your wardrobe, I would.

It's a good job she doesn't share a MIL with me. Mine rocked up at my wedding in her wedding dress.

the rules are you don't outshine the bride - so clearly no white/cream/ivory. Black is fine. Showing your animal-print underwear in a high cut dress is not fine (yes, that's you Liz Hurley). In most places, black really is not an issue. I wonder if it's a regional rule.

Mind you, I remember that for some people bare legs are unacceptable too. Unless you are part of the Royal Family, you don't have to wear tights in the summer either ideally stay clear of mini skirts too

I don't think its rude to wear black to a wedding - some outdated fashion faux pas from the 1800's probably. Men wear black suits - don't see how that would stand out - or all they all in flowery linen creations?

Wear what you feel comfortable in - just add garish pink accessories.

Black is for funerals not weddings.

The only person I've known to wear black to a wedding was the groom's mistress.

Change the dress.

I'm so sorry but I'm with so many people here in thinking that wearing black is traditionally a symbol of you disapproving of the union. Would you be comfortable in the dress knowing that it's possible that some guests may be secretly judging you about it?(or worse, openly so?) Whilst it's a slightly silly wedding etiquette rule nowadays I can see why it exists. (You've likely heard the stories of overly dramatic nasty MILs wearing all black and a mourning veil etc.)

I always avoid whites, Ivories and black. It's also considered wishing ill on the couple wearing red in certain places in Ireland (can anyone Irish confirm this for me?)

Can you at least mix the dress with a bright shrug and other accessories?

I don't think black is nice for a wedding, it's too funereal. I went to a wedding overseas a few years ago in hot country, everyone was wearing bright summery colours bar one guest, who was wearing a black and red dress. She's not a very nice person anyway, but she just looked really out of place in all the wedding pictures.
Maybe you could brighten up the dress with a nice jacket, or something.

You can't make sweeping statements about black always being fine at a wedding when plenty of people on this thread have said they wouldn't like it.

OP knows now that wearing it would upset the bride and groom. Pretty harsh to deliberately upset them on their wedding day. Fine it's not a big deal, still happiest day of your life etc, but why would you do that.

'I think the word 'guest' should be changed to 'puppet' or 'invited hostage'.'

It's a good job she doesn't share a MIL with me. Mine rocked up at my wedding in her wedding dress.

how and why! How can she not know it made her look like a ...I don't even have the right swear word.

You can't make sweeping statements about black always being fine at a wedding when plenty of people on this thread have said they wouldn't like it.

I have been to plenty of weddings and seen many women in black and never even knew it was an issue until I went on MN! It really is not an international rule.

I wouldn't wear all black or all white/cream/very pale pastel to a wedding. I wouldn't say the dress you've bought was funereal though. You can wear it OP but it will upset your new SIL and some other guests may think badly of you.

I don't think that's a suitable dress for a wedding, sorry. Black isn't a done thing, especially if you're close family, at a wedding.

Do you not have something else you can wear? Or hire even?

Unless they turned up in a clown suit I couldn't give a flying fuck what anyone wore to my wedding. They are guests not staff.

She sounds like a controlling twat, your DB needs to find his back bone & at least tell her to do her own dirty work.

Two weeks isn't that long to convince him he needs to have a good look at the situation & think about whether he's doing the right thing or not, but I'd be trying!

Send him some dress suggestions with the price. .

Ask him if he is paying by cash or card,?