That you don't ask guests to change their wedding outfit?

[poopsqueak]

Got a phone call this morning from my brother (sheepishly) asking what I was wearing to his wedding.

I told him 'black dress' and asked why and he said his wife to be is worried ill either 'stand out' or 'fade into the background' and could I change it?

The wedding is in 2 weeks, I've had the dress for 2 months (no return period) and my mum (mother of the groom) has had the same call. My mum just said yes though. She had a navy pant suit that she had bought and went out and bought another pink dress to be more in theme.

I don't have an official part of the wedding though so i don't think I am messing up a theme. Also I got the dress as it was neutral and made me feel good. It was also £150 and I just can't afford another one.

What should I do?

If you weren't given a dress code then you should wear your dress. Maybe you could wear some dazzling accessories that make you feel even better

I have to laugh at the idea that men should wear a grey morning coat.

While at most weddings I've been to, the bridal party might hire suits (and not always morning coats), the vast majority of the male guests simply wore the only suit they had, and many were black.

Not one of the men wearing a black suit was castigated, but the clothes worn by the female guests was ripped to shreds during the bitchfest that raged quietly during the receptions. I've been to a good number of weddings and this, sadly, seems to happen most of the time.

Similar experience here, the only comments I've experienced about guys outfits gave been when one guy turned up in a cream linen suit and hat and was nicknamed "the man from delMonte "

I've never seen a man turn up at a wedding in a black suit, shirt and tie and I think people would be taken aback by it. On the other hand I have seen women in black from head to toe.

I've never seen a man turn up at a wedding in a black suit, shirt and tie and I think people would be taken aback by it.

Hilarious!

"I have to laugh at the idea that men should wear a grey morning coat"

I did say traditionally!

And this whole "black dress means you don't agree with the wedding" bollocks - if you don't agree with the wedding, surely you just wouldn't go....
My MiL pulls this kind of shit. I get married to her son soon and she hates me. I bet you I can guess what colour she wears.

I believe that in Germany, the bridesmaids wear black. The more I read of these ridiculous brides, the more convinced I am that weddings should be banned. (not marriage, I hasten to add)

My female Italian relatives wore black to my registry office wedding; tbh I didn't mind that as much as the jeans and trainers they also had on people are variable I guess.

Women have a tendency to over invest in the details of their wedding day, and that's not because we are terrible people. We've been enculturated that way

Speak for yourself EllenMP.
Not in my family or many, many , many friends weddings I've been to over the last 4 decades.
I can't imagine anyone I know trying to dictate what anyone wears, outside of the 'Bridal Party'. If ever I heard of someone doing so, then they would surely have to dictate their terms when they sent the invitations, not add the condition on a fortnight before the wedding.

Women have a tendency to over invest in the details of their wedding day, and that's not because we are terrible people. We've been enculturated that way

I didn't even plan our wedding. (My grandmother, mother and a wedding planner did.)

I cared about my dress (still love it, tbh...), the food (DH really cared about the cake buffet), the music and (of course!) the guests.

Women have a tendency to over invest in the details of their wedding day, and that's not because we are terrible people. We've been enculturated that way

Tosh. One of my friends rocked up to the registry office in jeans and converse. DH organised all of ours - literally. All I did was buy a dress and show up as he did everything else! Licence, honeymoon, hotel, flowers, cake - the lot.

Have just been reading an article asking whether Megan M has made her first fashion faux pas, as apparently she wore black to Pippa's reception.

The article said that she wouldn't have got away with it 10 years ago, but that times have changed, and it's more acceptable now.

In fact, the article I read as a bit 'between the lines' sneery, suggesting perhaps she misunderstood the 'black tie' dress code.

So, regardless of whether or not people have heard about it, it is A Thing.

I certainly wouldn't wear full black to a wedding, but I wouldn't have given a hoot / noticed if anyone wore it to mine.

what a load of tosh and rubbish this is, surely you can wear what you like to a wedding.. why are things like this these days,,,all the rules and regulations about every little thing. It will maybe cause some stress with some guests, and that is a no no big time.. just get married and be happy I say,, even though some guest maybe turn up in a clown outfit.
It made me laugh the other day,,,re the royal? Pippas wedding.. as in all must be dressed in naice things,, and nobody can speak to any royal person there,,, its quite hideous and archaic..

Weddings are usually quite a lovely affair,,, so just that,, get married. and be happy forever,,

Dowager she had a stylist...so it's extremely doubtful she misunderstood the black tie thing.

Exactly, that's why it seemed a bit sneery to me.

My SIL wore entirely black to our wedding, nearly thirty years ago, and it was definitely not the done thing back then. It meant you disapproved of the wedding. Personally, I think didn't approve of her brother marrying me. The entire family weren't happy with the way we met - through a dating company.
We met and got engaged very quickly, very soon after I moved in. Then we moved house and six weeks later got married. So yes, from meeting to marrying him, we didn't hang around. Being more mature, we didn't skirt around or didn't know what we wanted in life. We talked extensively before all of that, so we both knew each other's expectations, exactly.
Anyway, we've been married almost thirty years now, so nobody fears came true whatsoever.
I still feel disappointed that my SIL worse a black outfit with black accessories, even back then. She sticks out like a sore thumb on the wedding photos looking as miserable as sin. I just think it's her problem now... We've proved the doubters to be totally wrong...