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Original poster

That you don't ask guests to change their wedding outfit?

667 replies

poopsqueak · 20/05/2017 09:55

Got a phone call this morning from my brother (sheepishly) asking what I was wearing to his wedding.

I told him 'black dress' and asked why and he said his wife to be is worried ill either 'stand out' or 'fade into the background' and could I change it?

The wedding is in 2 weeks, I've had the dress for 2 months (no return period) and my mum (mother of the groom) has had the same call. My mum just said yes though. She had a navy pant suit that she had bought and went out and bought another pink dress to be more in theme.

I don't have an official part of the wedding though so i don't think I am messing up a theme. Also I got the dress as it was neutral and made me feel good. It was also £150 and I just can't afford another one.

What should I do?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
39
BouncyFlouncy · 21/05/2017 20:10

Lots of guests wore black at my wedding - as did I Grin

cheval · 21/05/2017 20:19

Oh my flipping gosh. Policing what people wear to a wedding? For fear it ruins the pix? What the hell happened to having a good day and celebrating with friends and family? If someone turns up in trainers, it will be just to have a chuckle about after the day. Tell them to grow up.

Palpatine · 21/05/2017 20:25

If she is that much of a perfectionist, she should have checked earlier and not 2 weeks before the wedding or put a dress code on the invite. In a lot of cases 2 weeks is too little time to go out shopping or order something and then potentially get alterations done. Plus not everyone has the money to buy another outfit if they agreed to change it.

I don't see a problem with guests wearing black to a wedding, my mum and sister did. I didn't expect my guests to fit in as part of the decor or the Spring/Summer "ambience", I wanted them to have a good time.

pollymere · 21/05/2017 20:41

It's a bit odd that it's black. My bf wore a black dress to a wedding and it looks awful in the pics. As it's your brother's wedding it might suggest that you don't approve of his choice. I think wearing black or white is a complete no-no, sorry. Navy would also be a bit depressing as most people wear brights or pastels. If you have to wear it buy red accessories at least.

Payitforward55 · 21/05/2017 20:42

Wear the dress and match it with a pink shawl bag & shoes to brighten it up. Also wear a big smile and look happy.

I've worn black to at least 2 weddings and cream to another one.

whomovedmychocolate · 21/05/2017 20:42

Or you could just wear the black dress and start an Internet rumour that it's actually gold :D

EllenMP · 21/05/2017 20:43

I disagree with every other poster here. If you make a stand about this you put your brother in an ugly position, trapped between two women he loves. This is his wedding too and I urge you make it nicer for him by not irritating his bride. Women have a tendency to over invest in the details of their wedding day, and that's not because we are terrible people. We've been enculturated that way.

I'm sure you will find other occasions to wear your LBD. This day is about your brother and his fiancé, so I suggest you accommodate her whim and borrow a dress from a mate.

hmbn · 21/05/2017 20:50

I can't believe that guests have to follow a dress code! Sounds like someone has control issues!
Wear what you have and enjoy the day.

Having said that, black really doesn't suit everyone - but looks amazing if you've got the right colouring. Sorry it's from the Daily Mail but the article get the message across: www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1240616/Black-clothes-years-effect-fashions-favourite-colour.html

RaspberryOverloadsOnChilli · 21/05/2017 20:52

Why is it that it's only women who have these rules on what to wesar at a wedding? No-one gives a toss if a man turns up in a black suit.

TinselTwins · 21/05/2017 20:56

Why is it that it's only women who have these rules on what to wesar at a wedding?

Thy don't

Men know not to wear tails unless specifically told that it's a black tie wedding

BertrandRussell · 21/05/2017 20:58

"is it that it's only women who have these rules on what to wesar at a wedding? No-one gives a toss if a man turns up in a black suit"

Yes they do. TraditionAlly, it's grey morning coats for weddings. Or at least, not black trousers.

unhappywskid · 21/05/2017 21:01

His fiancee is feeling insecure, or so it seems. Fade into the background? In black? Black is classic, no one fades into the background in black, unless the background was black, which I suppose is not the case. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't change my outfit at all. If you don't have an office part in the wedding she can't tell what to wear.

Kattekit · 21/05/2017 21:01

Well I think your dress is lovely op, wear it, I'm sure she'll be far too busy on the day with lots of other potential life ending issues....sounds like a full on bridezilla to me. Think bridezilla needs to think about her marriage and not the wedding day, keeping her future husbands family happy should be something she cares about, more so at this stage...

NoLoveofMine · 21/05/2017 21:02

This kind of thing almost makes me want to get married so I can tell anyone invited to wear absolutely anything they want. It's astounding how much people (predominantly women) are forced to stress over when it comes to weddings.

AtomHeart · 21/05/2017 21:02

TBH, I'd be more concerned that my brother was marrying a complete head case than be worrying about whether I change the dress!

unhappywskid · 21/05/2017 21:02

*tell you what to wear

NoLoveofMine · 21/05/2017 21:03

Yes they do.

Not at the two weddings I've had to go to they don't. It's clear that women are pressured into worrying over and abiding by so many more rules when it comes to weddings than men, and, as with society generally, far more comment is made over what each of them is wearing.

quirkychick · 21/05/2017 21:04

The issue is surely that lots of guests have been phoned up and told to change the dress code 2 weeks before the wedding. Too late. If it was that important then a dress code should have gone on the invitations!

BertrandRussell · 21/05/2017 21:08

"Not at the two weddings I've had to go to they don't. It's clear that women are pressured into worrying over and abiding by so many more rules when it comes to weddings than men, and, as with society generally, far more comment is made over what each of them is wearing."

In every other context in society I would agree with you. When it comes to traditional weddings, though, women can wear anything they like except all white and all black. Men wear grey morning coats.

unhappywskid · 21/05/2017 21:08

Noloveofmine, I totally agree. Lots of ppl wore black to my wedding, and none of those outfits ruined the pictures.

bunnylove99 · 21/05/2017 21:14

Men wear grey morning coats Except in Scotland, where most men wear kilts.

Darkstarrheart · 21/05/2017 21:15

Your dress is lovely op - your poor Mum though! I can't believe they made her buy a new outfit !

metmaccy78 · 21/05/2017 21:24

Wear what you've already bought and tell your brother to grow a pair

CakesRUs · 21/05/2017 21:27

There's micro managing and then there's this. Wear the dress.

BertrandRussell · 21/05/2017 21:29

"Men wear grey morning coats Except in Scotland, where most men wear kilts."

Good point. But with quite strict roles about hose and shoes and shirts....

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