DH charging DD to swap plane seats??

[DayDreamer17]

DD is 21 so I know she is an adult, etc.
DH has a plane seat that's near the window and DD lost Rock Paper Scissors they both want to sit there. They have now come to an agreement that she will pay £20. AIBU to think this is really nasty of DH?

Bonbon, I used to work all through the holidays and earn enough to support me/holidays if I wanted! You're an adult at 21 and if someone is kind enough to gift you a holiday then I wouldn't complain about the seat or would contact the airline before hand and try to pay for a certain seat!

Your DH sounds twattish and uncaring. Most people travelling with someone with anxiety would want to do anything they could to help their friend/family.

you need to relax a little. Your DH sounds like he will inject more confidence in your DD than you. Just calm down and let them sort it out themselves.

“The level of ignorance and lack of compassion about people suffering from anxiety on this thread is just staggering and frankly disgusting”

I agree

BeepBeepMOVE, Wannabe2017, emmyrose2000 please go and educate yourself on how lifestyle limiting and debilitating anxiety can be

What happened in the end?
I would've expected him to let DD have the seat, and would be very surprised if he actually took any money from her.

"How does your DD cope at uni and in her job if she can't even speak to an air hostess, or move out of the way when someone needs to go to the bathroom?"

Sufferers from anxiety can often manage (through hard work and CBT) to get used to and cope with familiar situations but still be thrown by a new situation. Dd copes fine in a customer-facing job but can still get panic attacks in a less familiar situation. She is also fine on stage, but struggles ringing for a taxi. You just can't know what will trigger anxiety in another person.

Actually, I suffer from PND and anxiety myself so I know exactly what it's like to have anxiety.

But I know that if I really wanted a window seat I'd of asked DF very nicely, saying I'd really struggle otherwise not get into a fun bet with him!

Anxiety doesn't make you incapable of making your own decisions and it's no ones place to be annoyed on my behalf.

Hopefully he's given her the seat. I think my DP would take the piss out of the kids in a 'sure you can have it....for £20' kind of way and wind them up then give them the seat anyway as he doesn't give a shit where he sits but likes to have a carry on with the kids. The kids would know this and try to bargain 'I'll give you £5 and a head massage' or something just to keep the fun going.

I'd take it then hand it back to her after a while. Hate seeing my kids skint.

Wow. There are a lot of very unkind people here who don't know anything at all about anxiety. If she's having CBT she's already doing something about it. Forcing someone with anxiety to go through something that makes them anxious isn't going to help or fix it quicker, that is so ignorant. I'm also shocked by the gaggle of early replies from people who were SURE that the man must have paid for the seats. Sweet Jesus...

In my opinion the husband is being a selfish child. I think it's gross.

Wannabe, anxiety doesn't manifest the same for everyone. Just because you have anxiety doesn't mean you can speak for, and judge negatively, everyone else who has anxiety issues. You don't get to do that.

Op I'm with yOU.
Your DH is crap. It's not because he is paying that he is allowed to do whatever he wants wo any care for other people and esp not his own dd.

The idea of playing RPS was a rubbish one. It never solves any issue at all.

BluePeppers "It's not because he is paying that he is allowed to do whatever he wants wo any care for other people and esp not his own dd."

Huh? He isn't paying. What do you mean?

YANBU, OP. 21 is still young, she suffers from anxiety - both me and my DH would not think twice about letting our dd sit in whichever seat she prefers. And no, I would definitely not make her pay £20.

People saying the OP's dd needs to grow up? The only one who's acting like a child is the OP's DH. IMHO of course.

I just find it interesting comparing this thread to any of the 'shall I pay for reserved seats so my whole family can sit together' threads where adult posters will have chosen the precise seat on the plane that they are able to travel in, and could not possibly change under any circumstances. Would they be told to suck it up and get over it if their DH sat in that seat?

Op's DD could have made her need plainer at the start, but her father is being very unreasonable.

Oh, and anxiety doesn't miraculously disappear the moment you hit adulthood. You can suffer from it at any age.

"Op's DD could have made her need plainer at the start"

I don't understand. Do you think her father is/was unaware?

if he lost - would she have taken his money? If yes - then YABU. It really does not matter that he's her daughter, it was a fair game and she knew the stakes. She's also an adult!

I really sometimes think I live in a different parenting universe to many on here...am amazed by some of these stone-hearted responses

There's no way DH would behave like this toward our DDs, regardless of their age. He virtually worships the ground they walk on, and gets a great deal of pleasure out of 'treating' them - really can't see that ever changing, to be honest - wouldn't matter if they were 14 or 40. I'm just the same

Wow. I am 41, don't suffer from anxiety and if I was going on a flight with my dad he'd automatically ask me where I'd prefer to sit. Surely most parents are the same? I can't imagine not always putting my kids first even when they're grown ups.

MaQueen I quite agree. Where is the love?

kitty - Where do I say that I speak on behalf of people with anxiety? I was reply to astonished who recommended I educate myself on what having anxiety is like!

your DH should have understood that she needed the seat to ease her anxiety and it shouldnt have been up for grabs for RPS or for £20 - imo he should just have swapped. Even without the anxiety issue, RPS would have been fair enough but not £20 - means more to her than to him!

IloveBannf (my DH loves Banff for the ski-ing too) thanks...just really don't get many of the attitudes on here

My Mum is well into her 70s, but she still gets a lot of pleasure out of 'treating' me to the occasional lunch, or item of clothing. She's also very thoughtful as regards my well being etc, etc because she is still a parent.

Ah, if you love your child AND like to treat them, you're "overprotective" and they are a spoiled PFB 😬 according to some MNers.