DH charging DD to swap plane seats??

[DayDreamer17]

DD is 21 so I know she is an adult, etc.
DH has a plane seat that's near the window and DD lost Rock Paper Scissors they both want to sit there. They have now come to an agreement that she will pay £20. AIBU to think this is really nasty of DH?

Your child is an adult. She can make her own decisions. You poking your nose in helps nothing. She has a choice to make. Pay the 20 quid like she agreed to do or don't pay it.

I could never imagine my dad doing something like that.
But then, my dad is a gentleman.

Bit rich to be going on at the posters on here given the attitude of your partner to his own daughter.

What is her anxiety focused on? You've said (in quite a scornful tone) it's not flight related, so what is it?

I would say nothing, let her pay dh for seat and then discretely reimburse her the £20. I help my kids not take their money. Your dh is being mean.

She sounds a bit spoilt - she lost rock paper scissors and could have just accepted it with grace. I think its fine that he charged her, to teach her that you can't have everything you want as soon as you stamp your foot. If she travels with colleagues at some point when she's working, she won't always have her way either.

This. Playing RPS or tossing a coin is a fair and adult way of deciding something like this.

He's not being mean; he's treating her like an adult. Giving in would be treating her like a child (and potentially making her into a entitled princess).

And £20 is a night on the lash. I'm sure she could cope.

I think your DH is being a petty knob.

Has he always been like this?

She chose to play RPS and lost then she agreed to pay £20 for the seat and yet the husband is in the wrong? She has anxiety as do I but I also have a mind and can make a decision like that without using my anxiety as an excuse. Did she mention why she wanted the seat or just say she wanted it and you are assuming why? Why is her needs anymore than someone else's?

Well supposing this is not a joke..... then I have to say I think your dh is a selfish person. I mean who would do the RPS in the first place?

She has anxiety and the seat would help her?

Your H is being a piece of shit.

I don't think your DH is necessarily a cunt or despicable, I just think he's been a bit childish over this and perhaps can't really relate to MH issues. Which is quite a common thing.

My DS2 has recently developed anxiety and depression, he's 21 and not had this before. My DH has no understanding of this, he's never really come across it and doesn't know how to react at all, its hard for him. I grew up with MH issues in my family so I have an understanding of it and it doesn't frighten me the way it does my DH, so I am not so freaked out by this new thing in our family. Maybe that's it for OP's DH too? I think MH scares people who don't know about it, which causes bad reactions or unfeeling reactions. Just a thought.
I don't think OP is BU though as she's caring for her DD and pissed off at her DH's behaviour in this instance. Some of the comments on here are quite shocking and uncalled for.

Got to laugh at some of the replies on here

Your daughter entered into Rock Paper Scissors to determine who got what Seat. She lost and he said ok if you want the seat it will cost £20. She made the choice to pay fs she is a grown up let her be one.

I guess if you want to teach your daughter that a strop gets her what she wants then good luck letting another "me me me" child into the world.

When you have anxiety it's common to not be able to assert yourself very well. Yes she played the game perhaps hopeful she would win and when she didn't would even pay to get the seat that alleviates her anxiety. It's a shame that understanding of mental health is still so poor.

I have both severe anxiety, depression and I'm suicidal. Please, tell me again that I don't understand mental health?

I struggle with assertion, but I wouldn't entree a bet then throw a fit. Instead of the mum being on here bitching why didn't she step in?

Then you should be aware that it can manifest very differently. I can see why the op's daughter got in this position because I can relate. Doesn't mean everyone with anxiety can but surely there should be even more understanding no?

I guess I just don't understand it then. I don't think I'll change my mind on the matter though and for that I am sorry.

Where does it say the daughter "threw a fit"?

I suppose you're right it doesn't.

How very mean spirited of him.

PainCanBeBeautiful I wasn't having a go, I know many of us unfortunately have our own mental health difficulties, all I'm saying is we can't all necessarily relate to each other but it's good to remain open minded and if someone is finding something particularly difficult no matter how silly or irrational it may seem to others it's a big deal to that individual, understanding goes a long way imo.

I had hoped your DH wouldn't follow through and actually take the money.

At 21 she is an adult. It's undermining her autonomy to say she cannot make her own choices because she has anxiety. This wouldn't stand up to more objective scrutiny. From your posts it seems like you and DH are disconnected and that's the real issue underneath. Also that what happened after you booked the seats was outside of your control. Let the matter go now, otherwise address it directly.

All I keep reading on this thread is 'she is 21,she is an adult'

Do people genuinely think that once we are past a certain age it is fair game to be utter shits to each other?

How does your DD feel about it OP - is she visibly upset, does she feel duped, does she think her dad is "an utter c""t?".
Either way it's surely a lesson learned. This is an imperfect world where even people with MH issues disagree on the best approach to managing anxiety. You need to help her by talking to her and helping her work out what she could have done differently if she's unhappy with this outcome, so next time she'll be better equipped.

Empireoftheclouds "All I keep reading on this thread is 'she is 21,she is an adult'"

Yes, that's particularly irritating, because it's not as if the OP doesn't know that, if you read the very first line of the thread!

"Do people genuinely think that once we are past a certain age it is fair game to be utter shits to each other?"

Apparently so. It's sad. I can't imagine treating anyone like that, let alone my own daughter.