DH charging DD to swap plane seats??

[DayDreamer17]

DD is 21 so I know she is an adult, etc.
DH has a plane seat that's near the window and DD lost Rock Paper Scissors they both want to sit there. They have now come to an agreement that she will pay £20. AIBU to think this is really nasty of DH?

DD agreed to £20? Ask her for £10. And chill, FGS, you are going to see your family.

I think definitely, fessmess.

And if the OP had come on here with a post starting "I suffer from anxiety and am worried about our upcoming journey, having the seat near the window might avoid triggering it, but dh insisted on tossing for it", then we would not have seen an almost unanimous chorus of posters telling her she's not 2 and to suck it up because the dh has equal rights.

@EastDulwichWife she says because she doesn't have to answer to the air hostesses and doesn't need to get up when people need the toilet. How do you ask for a window seat? We picked where we sat and DH's ticket happened to be the one near the window??

They both need to grow up.

surely the seat was allocated at booking? why didn't you book DD onto the window seat at the time?

Generally you aren't supposed to swop seats in case of aviation crash anyway.

Another one who doesn't understand how sitting 12" closer to a window will help.

I think you're being a bit dafty

Well, he's her daughter. Not a bit of fun at all. She's at uni and needs every penny she has got (she has a part time job). All I know is I couldn't take her money.

Well really if she needs the money she's sit where she's supposed to. I also have flight anxiety staring in to the void doesn't actually help it ime

We can't possibly answer without knowing far more about the dynamic of the relationship.

If he has history of dismissing her anxiety and generally being an arse, then of course he's being unreasonable. If they have a lovely, loving, joking relationship and he's gently winding her up, then fine.

How can we tell?

@Fliptophead it isn't flight anxiety. She is having CBT.

Wow, some of these replies. I'm glad I'm not as mean!

You paid, you get to choose imo.

So if you want the DD to have the window seat then you give it to her and tell your "D"H to stop being a selfish cunt and grow up. "Selling" things like that is the sort of thing I would expect my 11, 12 & 15 year olds to try and do to each other.

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EastDulwichWife Thu 18-May-17 09:29:32
"How is anxiety solved by sitting next to a window?"

Easier if your anxiety is related to:

being surrounded by peple

being in a closed space

not having "your back against the wall"

lots of bustle and movement

and probably several more

Anxiety is irrational. People who suffer from it spend a LOT of their time sucking it up and being brave and pushing themselves against it. Small gestures of goodwill from caring family can make a big difference.

this can all be resolved by you saying it's all actually your money paying for it so you get to dole out the seats.

How can DH 'sell' for £20 a seat that he doesn't own because he didn't pay for it in the first place? (to take his attitude to its logical conclusion - that the seat is something of monetary value that can be 'exchanged')

If anxiety is triggered by having to speak to the air hostess and get up to let people go to the toilet, surely you should be helping your DD to overcome these issues and deal with them, however hard that might be. She'll face much more difficult situations that can't so easily be avoided, so don't let her be overcome by anxiety so easily. Talk through the situation with her and help her to become more robust and save herself £20 at the same time.

since you paid, you get to choose. Tell DH he owes you £20 for your booking agent services, take the £20 off him and give it to DD.

So you're paying and he's fleecing her out of £20 ? Tell him he's a disgusting excuse for a man and father! Should be ashamed of himself!

OP if you paid it is up to you and if I was you I'd take the £20 off him, pretty disgusting to let you pay for his ticket and then take £20 off his daughter. He sounds nasty to me.

@Hillarious she's having CBT. I can't fix anxiety.

Oh and yes he's a leetle bit of a twat on this no? I've flown loads of times, I can't imagine getting to the point that my DD is 21 and bargaining like this over a plane seat, if it made her happy?

Your DH sounds a bit like another child of the family himself.

I think your DH is being incredibly mean and nasty

If I was on a plane with either of my DDs and they wanted the window seat, then I'd swap over, no problem at all, it just wouldn't be an issue

Can't believe some of the replies you're getting OP

Are you sure DD isn't using the anxiety thing as an excuse to get her own way? I can't see how her anxiety would increase because she has to sit in a middle seat rather than a window one. If your DH lost RPS, and your DD offered him the seat for £20, would you be equally annoyed?

Hilarious the OP has already said that the DD is having CBT.

I'm with you OP. I think he's being a mean arse. Especially as she's given good reasons why she wants that seat

Hillarious Thu 18-May-17 09:38:07
"If anxiety is triggered by having to speak to the air hostess and get up to let people go to the toilet, surely you should be helping your DD to overcome these issues and deal with them, however hard that might be."

The OP has already told us that the dd is having treatment. But treatment for anxiety takes time; it's not a question of popping one pill and you're cured.

My dd is 20 and has been treated since she was 15. She is an awful lot better than she was but not well, and frankly dh and I don't have to go around fabricating unnecessary situations of stress because ordinary life does that perfectly well.

she's having CBT. I can't fix anxiety. Perhaps you should have mentioned that in your original post, OP. Why has the situation even reached this point?

But perhaps she can look at this journey as an opportunity to face something that triggers anxiety. How long before you travel?

Just go halfers - he sits there for half the journey and she sits the other half.
I much prefer the window seat as I can rest my head against the side and snooze instead of head back, mouth falling open and then snoring (even with a cushion thing)