DH charging DD to swap plane seats??

[DayDreamer17]

DD is 21 so I know she is an adult, etc.
DH has a plane seat that's near the window and DD lost Rock Paper Scissors they both want to sit there. They have now come to an agreement that she will pay £20. AIBU to think this is really nasty of DH?

[yourcarisnotadiscovery]

(but my dad would have automatically offered my mother or I the window seat) ...

[MaQueen]

Oh, right elpha thanks for that...I must have missed that MN memo...

[HeyHoThereYouGo657]

Oh God RPS . Drives me nuts with my DSs

If it was part of the deal of who wins RPS then I do not think he is unreasonable , No .

[elephantscansing]

If she's so anxious that she doesn't want to answer the air hostesses and get up when people need the toilet, then that sounds pretty serious. How does she manage in other areas of her life? Hope the CBT is working.

[DayDreamer17]

Just arrived in Dublin! Will read the replies later. It's also hardly a holiday. We are seeing family and will be back by Sunday.

[HeyHoThereYouGo657]

Oh just rtft , didn't count for the drip feeding .

[Elphaba99]

MaQueen 😂😂 unashamed Mother of a PFB here - actually a Precious Only Child due to idiot body.

[AvonBarksdale99]

We don't have enough information. Does he know that she is incredibly anxious and would really suffer by not having the seat? If so then he's basically a moustache-twirling villain! On the other hand maybe he had his own reasons for wanting the seat, or maybe he just wasn't aware of what a big deal it was to her?

[HeyHoThereYouGo657]

I have anxiety OP , and depression . I know that there are different levels of it but to want to sit by window and 1 reason being she wouldn't have to speak to the air steward . How on earth does she get by at Uni and in her job ?

[MaQueen]

I'm a shitty Mother elpha because I sometimes treat our DDs to something they fancy just because I want to...yes, I really am that bad to them...

[MrsFloppy]

Fucks sake!! Some posters saying what should and shouldn't cause anxiety.

I used to suffer from anxiety and would get quite upset if I couldn't have the window seat for exactly the reasons op mentioned. Taking to people or having to make eye contact with air crew was not something I wanted to do.

[MrsFloppy]

Beepbeep **

[sadsquid]

I've suffered from anxiety for more than half my life. At one point I was holding down a very demanding job, long hours, tough deadlines, dealing with major clients - but was very anxious about using the phone at home to make appointments etc., and occasionally had to leave my shopping and run out of the supermarket because it was all too much. It doesn't make sense. If it made sense it wouldn't be a mental illness, fgs, would it?

That said, the OP's situation depends a lot on the DD's relationship with her dad, and how jokey she's being about this. So long as people do understand really, I don't mind my immediate family joking around and being pragmatic about accommodating my anxiety, rather than walking on eggshells. DH still takes the piss about me running away from the lettuces in Waitrose. That's OK, I laugh too - it was pretty silly, and making the anxiety into a Big Serious Monster Problem doesn't help me deal with it.

So if the DD is genuinely fine with the situation, it might be OK (would still slip her the £20 back though). If she's upset, it's not on.

[BarbaraofSeville]

Wow. I am 41, don't suffer from anxiety and if I was going on a flight with my dad he'd automatically ask me where I'd prefer to sit. Surely most parents are the same? I can't imagine not always putting my kids first even when they're grown ups

But surely at some stage the DC become the adults and parents tend towards elderly and then it should be the parents that are put first.

My dad is no longer with us but for most of my adult life I would always make sure he is comfortable in where he sits, get him a drink or whatever.

Same now for DM - I would offer her the window seat if she wanted it. I can't imagine demanding the window seat and not considering her wants and needs in this sort of situation.

[FizzyGreenWater]

He was THAT desperate to sit by the window just to go to Dublin?

OP I'm embarrassed for you.

[NauticalDisaster]

Your husband acted meanly and I find his behaviour controlling towards your daughter, it's a red flag to me.

[flowery]

"But surely at some stage the DC become the adults and parents tend towards elderly and then it should be the parents that are put first"

Very true. At the moment my dad and I would probably fight over who gets to put the other person first.

Anyway I assume as the OP's DD is only 21, that doesn't apply.

[CrazedZombie]

OP - are you sitting with your dd and h?

The fairest things to do are either one person sits by window on the way and the other one the way back or book separate rows so both get a window seat.

Cabin crew don't speak to aisle or middle seat passengers more than window passengers do they? I'd assume that you would order drinks or decline duty free on her behalf.

If it's 3 people on each side section then the only person who may need the loo would be her dad. Would she feel anxious about him moving for her?

It's hard to say whether or not he's being unreasonable because we don't know the dynamics of their relationship. I have a jokey relationship with mine so can imagine doing RPS but wouldn't have bet any money.

[TriJo]

He actually thinks that having the window seat for a flight that short is worth an extra 20 quid. That's... special.

[LagunaBubbles]

The poster who stated about it depends on their relationship has a very good point, and you havent said what its like. Also some very ignorant posts here about a mental health issue to!

[PinkSparklyPussyCat]

Generally you aren't supposed to swop seats in case of aviation crash anyway.

We were told last week that we could move wherever we wanted after take off as the plane was half empty. DH and I had already swapped seats anyway as he doesn't like having a window seat.

[DayDreamer17]

Yep, he was so desperate for that very long flight from London - Dublin we did book to sit together btw, we knew we would get a window, as got a 3 and 1. But the actual seats were allocated to each person and we didn't pick that.

[TheExuberant1]

I wouldn't take the money off my kids, no. But then I actually prefer not to be near the window anyway!

[OlennasWimple]

Let DH take the £20, then give it back to DD during the holiday in the form of a meal out, coffee and cakes etc

[Hissy]

has your DD (dsd?) tried Rescue Remedy, it really helped me with anxiety and agoraphobia