DH charging DD to swap plane seats??

[DayDreamer17]

DD is 21 so I know she is an adult, etc.
DH has a plane seat that's near the window and DD lost Rock Paper Scissors they both want to sit there. They have now come to an agreement that she will pay £20. AIBU to think this is really nasty of DH?

Talk through the situation with her and help her to become more robust

Crikey, some of you are completely clueless

yanbu OP your DH is ignorant, give her the fucking seat

Well, he's her daughter.
Er... no... he's her father!

"I can't see how her anxiety would increase because she has to sit in a middle seat rather than a window one."

Well I can't see how some people can be terrified of spiders or non-poisonous snakes. That's the whole point of anxiety: it is irrational. That is why (if bad enough) it is considered a mental disorder and treated on the NHS.

In this situation the DH hasn't paid more for the window seat - I'm guessing it's with a firm like easy jet where you just print off your boarding pass and you have been auto allocated the seats. The DH just happened to be allocated the window seat.
I can't imagine any situation where i would charge my child for something that hasn't cost me any money at all - I think the DH is being massively unreasonable and behaving like a prick

Currently at gate.

Yanbu, that's really mean of him. The RPS was the fun part but making her pay knowing she's counting pennies is mean. And then charging his own Dd that's nasty.

Wow OP I can imagine how easy you must find it to totally respect your DH

Fair's fair. You take the window seat.

Let her walk on the plane first. then he can't get past her... she sits down into the window seat. done.

It is abundantly clear that there are far too many posters who have no idea what it is like to suffer from anxiety or to be the parent of a child with anxiety. Just telling someone with anxiety to suck it up is like telling a deaf person to listen to music or a paraplegic to get out of their wheelchair and walk. It ain't going to happen.

Hillarious DD has had CBT (which just didn't work for her) and is now on Fluoxetine for her anxiety. Please don't minimise how debilitating anxiety can be for the sufferer.

Yes that is mean! What is he at? As a caring father it's automatic that he should say 'yes darling I understand you can sit here' anybody that thinks otherwise is bloody bonkers

I find it hard to believe that a parent would be so selfish over a plane seat!

Hillarious Thu 18-May-17 09:42:43
"she's having CBT. I can't fix anxiety. Perhaps you should have mentioned that in your original post, OP. Why has the situation even reached this point?"

Are you saying that anxiety disorder is something that simply wouldn't reach this point if parents put a stop to it? Does that go for other MH disorders too?

I have always been the no-nonsense, get up and brush yourself off type of parent. Our son reflects this parenting- because there is no underlying illness that prevents him from benefitting from it. He is also no-nonsense, no irrational fears, laidback.

Dd has anxiety. Certain situations make her freeze completely. We tried for over a decade to toughen her up until finally she jumped out of a window when a trigger got too strong. She is now on medication and works hard on her CBT. As a result she is able to hold down a job and lead an almost normal life.

We did not cause this. Chances are the OP didn't either. Everything that can be done is being done; her dd is receiving treatment.

You married an asshat

Anxiety is not the same as being a bit nervous about doing something, so "just facing the trigger" doesn't mean you get used to the situation and it's fine. much like depression isn't the same as being sad and can't be solved by "just walking it off" etc etc.

fuck sake what a douche.

My husband is like this and my young children have NEVER had a window seat because has needs one! they have NEVER complained about it either!

I'm 100% with you, OP. It is extremely nasty of your husband. My husband and I have been on flights with our daughter in her 20's. She prefers the window seat, but so do I, whereas my husband likes the aisle seat. In our case our daughter has no anxiety issues, it's simply a preference, so we either change places a few times during the flight, or one of us has the window seat on the outward journey, and the other coming home. No money would ever change hands, it's a matter of being kind and considerate. We do love each other after all!

As your husband has not paid for his flight, I suggest you charge him £30 for his seat. Give £20 to your daughter and keep £10 for yourself for your wasted time on here.
Job done!
have a lovely trip!

YABU - You didn't mention your DD's anxiety until your third post It can't be that severe if it wasn't your main concern. Your main concern was that DD is a student and needs all the money she can get.

At 21 your DD is an adult and old enough to make her own decisions and deal with her DF. She needs to count herself lucky that at the age of 21, her mummy is still paying for her flights!

Give your DH the £20 yourself to resolve the situation and tell him he's a twat later.

Ok so the airline randomly gave him the window seat and now he wont give it up without money to his anxious daughter.

Yeah he sounds great

Or perhaps Wannabe the OP thought that a parent charging their own daughter for something that he clearly isnt that bothered about (or he wouldnt be "selling" it) is outrageous enough on its own and I agree with her.

And the rest of your post is just fucking mean, implying that she is being babied because "Mummy" is paying for her flights, rather than her mum treating her which is what all of us normal parents do for our kids occasionally.

I think that I would be tempted to do what Longtall suggested, but in full view and earshot of the rest of the queue. Make a point of giving him the £20 so "Your daughter who has severe anxiety can sit where she needs to sit because you are too selfish to just give her the seat without charging her".

Or leave him behind.

Wannabe, isn't it likely that the OP is paying the flights because it is important to her that the dd comes to visit her relatives? I paid dd's last trip for similar reasons: it was not something she could have afforded to pay for and it was very much about keeping me happy. If you have relatives abroad you can hardly demand that young adults spend their last penny on going to see them. You have to be grateful if they are prepared to give up their time.

I am sure its swings and roundabouts and it in the scheme of things will come back to her in other ways