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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH charging DD to swap plane seats??

284 replies

DayDreamer17 · 18/05/2017 09:11

DD is 21 so I know she is an adult, etc.
DH has a plane seat that's near the window and DD lost Rock Paper Scissors Confused they both want to sit there. They have now come to an agreement that she will pay £20. AIBU to think this is really nasty of DH?

OP posts:
Inertia · 19/05/2017 20:36

Is your husband like this all the time ?

He hasn't even paid for the tickets, yet he's insisting that his hard-up student child pays him to have the seat which would alleviate her anxiety. It's apparently not a holiday, so could be a situation which is already stressful, e.g family funeral.

Is your husband 's behaviour otherwise supportive of your daughter? It seems possible that stunts like this could actually contribute to her anxiety problems.

ataraxia · 19/05/2017 20:40

A lot of the messages come across as if they've read the original post, not the follow-ups referring to the anxiety. Seems to be an important point i.e. it's not about being a sore loser or a spoiled brat or overprotective mum.

However, I'm not sure why DD agreed to the RPS if it's that important to her - it makes the issue seem like a game to her/that she's happy with the 50/50 chance of getting the seat or not.

Why is the DD so interested in having the seat, yet he's willing to forego it for cash? Seems a bit odd when it's his daughter rather than mate down the pub.

Is this a joke that's getting out of hand or does DH not take the anxiety seriously? Does he think the DD's reasons really are due to the anxiety, or rather that the anxiety has been brought up because the game didn't go her way (i.e. they sound like reasons most people don't want the middle seat).

They could both have been accommodated, of course- window seat for DD, middle seat for mum, then DD in the window seat in front or behind.

I'm an adult but still holiday with parents - mum always wants the aisle seat, I want the window seat. Dad also wants the window seat but will settle for the middle seat on the basis that he'll be uncomfortable wherever he sits, but at least in that configuration the rest of us will get a chance of some sleep /easy access to the bathroom as preferred. Better to have 1 person uncomfortable rather than 3 uncomfortable and unhappy.

Craigie · 19/05/2017 20:40

Eh, more fool her if she pays just to sit beside a window.

shinysinkredemption · 19/05/2017 22:25

As her coparent surely your DH thought it was appropriate and poss funny to play RPS then offer the £20 charge. So if he's ok with it can you just let it go - presumably the anxiety thing isn't news to him. You could send her back to uni with a gift of food/booze she likes to make up for the £20 without making an issue of it.

Mise1978 · 19/05/2017 22:35

EastDulwichWife my thoughts exactly! If I had anxiety and were on a plane, I don't think I'd want to see out into the empty space!

If your Daughter's anxiety is that bad, I'd suggest she gets therapy to teach her to overcome it. Because this is just a window. What till she gets out into the big wide world. No one will swap seats, even for 20£.

Allducks · 19/05/2017 22:49

@Mise1978 maybe read the thread?

Crazyunicornlady · 20/05/2017 07:48

I might have missed something - so DD has anxiety about people asking to get passed her but DH is by the window, then DD, then OP - so the only person potentially needing to do that in order to get up is her Dad? I don't honestly see the problem as she's surrounded by family but if she wants it that bad then she's an adult and can decide to pay for it. How would she manage on a flight without her family?!

florencebabyjo · 20/05/2017 08:31

If she agreed and knew the deal beforehand I can't see any problem. Sounds like you're precious and in danger of making her precious too!

Lillithxxx · 20/05/2017 09:12

I'm not brave like you florencebabyjo, so well and succinctly said...

MillionMiles · 20/05/2017 10:38

Genuine question to you lot.

If someone came on and said they have a disability and can't do something. Would you all start saying "but if I had that disability, I could do it" or "I can't imagine that disability causing an issue for that", etc.?

TheLionQueen1 · 20/05/2017 10:45

No Millionmiles, what I would say is exactly what I have been saying, if you have a disability or a reason you need an exact seat then why are you leaving this until check in not arranging something with the travel agency/flight provider before getting to the airport

MillionMiles · 20/05/2017 10:48

@TheLionQueen1 well, the family knew they had a window seat, yeah? So she probably assumed her dad would let her have it? I'd assume my dad would...

TheLionQueen1 · 20/05/2017 10:50

No they found out at the airport that they had a window seat, they had no guarantee before as they left it until check in.

I completely understand anxiety particularly whilst travelling, I'm an absolute nightmare but the way I control that is to prebook seats and if there is no option to do so then I would call the airline. I would never leave it until the airport

MillionMiles · 20/05/2017 10:52

That's not what the OP said...

MillionMiles · 20/05/2017 10:53

The OP said - "We picked where we sat and DH's ticket happened to be the one near the window??"

TheLionQueen1 · 20/05/2017 10:55

If you read through the thread they picked that at the airport. What I am saying if your question is moot, if they had been disabled this wouldn't have happened as seats would have been allocated prior to arriving at the airport

TheLionQueen1 · 20/05/2017 10:56

*Is not if!

DioneTheDiabolist · 20/05/2017 10:57

Read the first post. Read the drip feeds. Think the OP was over reacting and BU.

Hope she and her family are having a great weekend.

SuperJesus · 20/05/2017 11:03

The ignorance on this thread is astonishing. As someone who has a severe anxiety disorder that CBT, medication etc have been unable to treat i can assure you that my worries don't make logical sense to either me or you. Calling someone with an anxiety condition spoilt, precious, needing to grow up, whatever... is why there is such a stigma around mental health. Would you tell someone with asthma there is plenty of air to breath, try harder? Or a person with a broken leg, you can walk you're an adult just try? Thought not.

DayDreamer17 · 20/05/2017 11:08

Hi all, I do keep meaning to reply.

DD always sits near the window seat. Her anxiety is a problem if she doesn't because: she would have to get up if people need the toilet (she would never go to the toilet on such a short flight) and also, if she's near the window, they most likely never speak to her. Why would looking into the outside be a problem? She hasn't got flight anxiety....??

DH has taken the money. She only has her Apple Pay and he made her purchase something on that.

Yes, we are married, since when does that equal all our money is everyone's??? We have separate bank accounts.

No, we prebooked the seats and picked them. Why on earth would you do that at the airport? You can't even do it at the airport can you? We just didn't get to individually pick who sat where.

To the people saying I'm being precious, wtf? If your child had special needs or a physical disability, wouldn't you do what you could to help??? I think you're not really fit to be a parent if you wouldn't.

OP posts:
Empireoftheclouds · 20/05/2017 11:18

As I said back on page 1/2 your husband is being a cunt.

Questionsmorequestions · 20/05/2017 11:25

the people saying I'm being precious, wtf? If your child had special needs or a physical disability, wouldn't you do what you could to help??? I think you're not really fit to be a parent if you wouldn't.

Sadly it appears from this that the logical conclusion is that your DH is not fit.

IloveBanff · 20/05/2017 11:28

OP, what have you said to your husband about taking his daughter's £20? I think he is despicable, uncaring and unloving.

user1471545174 · 20/05/2017 11:33

It might help DD not to bet on things that are important to her.

I am not being mean, I have severe and lifelong anxiety too and I'm glad DD is having CBT.

Everyone needs to grow up, though, anxious or not. Over-protection just keeps people in the rut of making bad choices.

NotHotDogMum · 20/05/2017 11:35

If you paid for the flights then surely the £20 is yours? Give it back to your DD.

Your DH is immature and selfish.

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