To send this text to my brother?

[NoCapes]

We had a family birthday tonight so we're all out for a meal
My brothers gf is pregnant so we were talking babies as you do, and someone said something like "oh Capes would have 10 more if she could wouldn't you" to which my brother responded - "would you? Why?! You're shit at it!" His gf said something like "you can't say that!" But partly laughing aswell, and he said something like "you just give them to my Mum all the time when you can't be arsed"
Didn't want to get into a discussion/argument at the table in front of everyone including my children so I said nothing, conversation moved on and I left soon after

I now want to send him a text along the lines of this -
'Just for future reference, it is never ok to call someone a shit parent. Not that I have to justify myself to you, but Mum has the kids on a regular basis yes, this is for her just as much as it benefits me. She has them the same days every month and I don't ever ring her when I 'can't be arsed' or I'm not coping or whatever else you think happens. You are very very rarely around me or my children so aren't really in a position to judge my parenting skills, and if you would really like to have a discussion about shit parents I would honestly look a bit closer to home than me.'
The shit parent thing is because his gf (and most of her family) take their children to the pub almost every single night where the kids are left to entertain themselves, usually share a takeaway and fall asleep on the backrest - yes I judge them and no I'm not afraid to say it

So do I cause an issue, or let it go and basically be the one that anyone can treat like shit and say what they want to because 'it's only Capes' again???

I am sorry OP, I wrote my post in haste and didn't word it correctly, so my apologies to you. I am glad you bought it up with your mum and ensured she wasn't feeling overwhelmed with child responsibilities. Perhaps I was also projecting as I can't see my mum or mother in law having the kids regularly every month, and I don't mind as I know it is bloody hard work and they have done all the parenting for years, and deserve a break now.

But you were just about to say it in a text message?

Stay classy..dont send it. Be the bigger person. Ill be finding out if dm wants to childsit though. Hope you ok x

I wouldn't send anything. Everyone knows until you have DCs of your own you have no clue how demanding child rearing is. He is a rude arsehole but don't rise to it as he is obviously clueless to come out with something like that. And there is the risk that your DM has laid it on a bit.
He will have forgotten he ever said it by now. Don't bring it up again.If their child rearing is as you describe I would probably see less of them if possible anyway.

But I didn't Hits and wouldn't have considered it had he not been such a nasty bastard - so no, still not a hypocrite

It might be a good idea to step back from your mum a bit, as you said. She is obviously wanting to take his side in spite of his rudeness. And the preferring to have the kids without you is perhaps something to keep an eye on. Maybe say the kids have something on and can't stay over this month.

just send him simple message saying really hurt you called me a shit parent in front of everyone.he probably though he was being funny so people don't realise how hurtful or rude they are

Hasn't he just got divorced?! Maybe he's trying to deflect from whatever. Fuck knows but either way send the text the cheeky bastard!

Thankyou for apologising SunEgg

p.s I've not been following but hope you and GED are ok!

If i was u I would say to my dm 'yeah ur right its just a joke, I must have missed that from his dry sense of humour, that was probably his shitty upbringing" then laugh - see how your mum feels...and as for the brother I would send the text "seeing as u believe im such a poor parent il make sure I distance myself from your family, and il be sure never to offer to baby sit no matter how.often ur up in the night dealing with a screaming baby needing a break, god forbid my crap parenting has any impact"

Dartmoor he's not even divorced yet, he's been fairly open with us that this girl 'isn't meant to be the mother of his children' but she is now and we've welcomed her and her children into the family and include them in everything
And he pays us all back by insulting is all because, bants innit?
Prick

Dartmoor GEG is still extra lovely - I haven't inflicted my crazy family on him yet though!

Oh I addressed you twice in a row there, sorry

nd her response was - 'oh get a grip he was being funny that's what he does, you obviously don't know him at all if you're offended!' hmm!

Your mums trying to under play it, she's trying to keep the peace, mine does it, mine knows brother is a git, but it hard to admit so everything is dressed up as a joke, meaning you can't say anything as you are made to look like you are over reacting.

Capes your brother is an immature arse BUT he's still your brother sooo I guess send a lighthearted 'don't say shit like that ever again you twat' text?! Maybe word it better ...

Glad GEG is as lovely as ever, gives me the warm fuzzies hearing that!

Here's a cutdown version that gets the message across, without adding the implication that his GF is a shit parent - which as you correctly say yourself, it is never okay to say (or imply) about someone.

Just for future reference, it is never ok to call someone a shit parent. Mum has the kids on a regular basis and this is for her just as much as it benefits me. You are very very rarely around me or my children so aren't really in a position to judge my parenting skills.

If he replies in an argumentative way, just respond with "I've said what I needed to say and have no intention of getting into it further with you."

Capes no problem I like being addressed 😂

This sounds exactly like my family dynamic. My brother says anything and I just have to let it pass. He feels hard done by about any fucking thing - it won't be that your mum has said anything, he just wants to pick at you to get a rise. Don't respond. My brother makes comments about my parents helping me out etc making me feel bad. He's the useless fucker that makes my 72 year old look after his kids while he goes to the gym...I would never do that! Trust me, you'll have more than enough ammo when the time comes and by then your high horse will be so comfy you won't feel the need!

What he said was hurtful and unnecessary.

I probably would reply but something v brief like

Thanks for calling me a shit mum, brother. I expect you'll be the perfect dad, lol.

Your brother has gotten that idea from somewhere, surely.

I wouldn't send the text. You'll achieve nothing by it, and it's far too long-winded.

I think it about my sill but my mil has never complained and probably likes it.
So yeah, don't take him seriously, op, and always, always keep texts short!

I would've shut him up immediately regardless of everyone else listening to it. How can he ever talk to his sister like that even if no one else is there? Do not tolerate it and text him something short and sharp. Your mother should've intervened and showed him his place. Someone commented very correctly that people like him get away with that kind of horrible behavior because no one tells them off properly.

He's been a dick Capes, but I wouldn't rise to it, you don't need to, you're not a shit parent.
He more than likely thinks he's being funny, don't give him the satisfaction.
If he does similar next time you're in his company, let him have it big time ! 😂

Ouch your brother is a cunt.
I promise you people would have been thinking worse of him when he said it than they would be if you. Stuff like that always makes the person saying it look a total twat.

I'd send

"Hey Bro, next time you call me a shit parent it best be as you're walking out my life for good. It's not funny, it doesn't make you look clever and if there's one thing I won't tolerate it's being called a bad mum"

But then you know your family better than me so send what you think is best