To send this text to my brother?

[NoCapes]

We had a family birthday tonight so we're all out for a meal
My brothers gf is pregnant so we were talking babies as you do, and someone said something like "oh Capes would have 10 more if she could wouldn't you" to which my brother responded - "would you? Why?! You're shit at it!" His gf said something like "you can't say that!" But partly laughing aswell, and he said something like "you just give them to my Mum all the time when you can't be arsed"
Didn't want to get into a discussion/argument at the table in front of everyone including my children so I said nothing, conversation moved on and I left soon after

I now want to send him a text along the lines of this -
'Just for future reference, it is never ok to call someone a shit parent. Not that I have to justify myself to you, but Mum has the kids on a regular basis yes, this is for her just as much as it benefits me. She has them the same days every month and I don't ever ring her when I 'can't be arsed' or I'm not coping or whatever else you think happens. You are very very rarely around me or my children so aren't really in a position to judge my parenting skills, and if you would really like to have a discussion about shit parents I would honestly look a bit closer to home than me.'
The shit parent thing is because his gf (and most of her family) take their children to the pub almost every single night where the kids are left to entertain themselves, usually share a takeaway and fall asleep on the backrest - yes I judge them and no I'm not afraid to say it

So do I cause an issue, or let it go and basically be the one that anyone can treat like shit and say what they want to because 'it's only Capes' again???

Next time tell him to fuck off right in front of everyone. Then laugh as if you are soooo hilarious and refuse to take it seriously. He wants to joke, joke right back. If he really WAS joking, he will think you really are hilarious.

Haha thankyou another I don't think I've ever had a fan before

Very the backrest in a pub, you know the padded seating that is attached to the wall

Thankyou all for all of your opinions btw
I still haven't decided whether to send a briefer 'don't say shit like that it's rude and nasty' kind of message or say nothing at all
But part of me just doesn't want to let him get away with this horrible behaviour anymore, no-one ever calls him out on it and it does my head in!

I couldn't let it lie either.

You could say 'please don't judge my parenting, as you know nothing about it. I won't judge you either ' and do a smiley face??

Don't have time to read the other messages so sorry if someone else has written something similar but I would keep the first bit of your text and delete the bit about your brothers DP. Don't bring her into it - you will start world war 3 unnecessarily. But the first bit about not being ok etc articulates your point extremely well
Good luck x

ohfour she isn't that odd, she can be a bit overbearing at times but she generally just wants to be helpful
She helped me a lot when ExP was being a dick and when we were breaking up
She is lovely and likes to feel useful, she does have the tendency to be a bit of a martyr though so I could see that she would possibly tell people that I 'desperately need the break and she has to help me' kind of thing tbh

Ah, gotcha... The banquette

Don't send that message but do let him know how you feel.

I'd send something like; I felt really hurt and embarrassed in front of people today hearing you say I'm a shit mum and dump child on mum. I do my best and I think I'm actually a good mum.

hi nocapes long time no see

hope youre doing ok afte your scummy ex left

your brother sounds insensitiv i think u should just say you were very hurt and once a month isnt alot as he'll prob find out soon

I have a dad and a brother who like to do this. It's a joke that's not a joke that's really a dig. But I love them their my family and I call them on it at the time...think you need to do that next time in a non confrontational way e.g. Well let's hope you don't need a babysitter anytime soon as clearly I'm off the list ha ha ha not funny!! He'll hopefully get the message and tone it down around you. A message after the time comes across drama queen ish sorry

banquette?! You must go in posher pubs than me very

I don't think one overnight stay a month and dinner twice a month is excessive or taking the piss by any stretch of the imagination.

I had a similar thing said to me by my grandad the other week the same bloke who walked out on his daughter when she was 10 and never looked back
I work for him and he asked me to work extra days in the Easter holidays. I told him no as I wanted to spend time with the dc.
He replied 'well just palm them off on your grandmother like you usually do'
I was furious and told him so I'm no uncertain terms!
Just to explain my grandmother has my kids 2 of the days I'm at work and occasionally has them overnight on a Saturday.
She asked me to have them as she enjoys spending time with them. If ever she wanted to stop having them that would be fine.
So anyway I get where you are coming from I was raging too. I don't think a text is going to achieve anything though especially after what your mother has said.
I would just leave it and If he spouts shit like that again rip him to pieces there and then

No one calls him out on his behaviour. Trust me, it will be a lot more powerful if you do it face to face. Sometimes you have to learn to let things go and prepare for next time. Because it's next time that will be different. Because nexf time you will be ready with a few well rehearsed quips.

Hate it when people try to excuse offensive crap by saying "it's funny" etc. It obviously is not funny if it's made you this cross.

If it will make you feel better, I would send a text, but definitely make it shorter and leave out the bit about his GF.

I can understand why you're upset OP. Maybe next time call him out on it straight away. Trying to stay calm. "why would you say a thing like that DB", see what his response is. The whole thing could go tits up if you lose your rag. Calm calm calm. It will throw him.

Sounds like your mum has been playing the martyr a bit.

And db was definitely making a point.

I wouldn't send a text.

But have a really great reply ready for next time.

Something breezy, dignified but makes it clear that you won't accept that.

"What a nasty untrue thing to say" with a quizzical look maybe. Im sure you can do better though.

Nocape

Your mums wrong to say that. Would she appreciate being called a shit grandma in public? I teach my 11 year old that banter isn't funny if it hurts another. Your brother banter was insensitive and unkind. End of.

Don't send the text especially if you know that he won't give two hoots about it either. Only you can control your feelings so let it go is my advice, however the next time something like this is done deal with it there and then face to face and call him out. I just don't think sending that text is going to gain you anything really other than a night of back and forth texts of him probably saying even more shit. You know your not a shit parent and not using your mum and what you think, know and believe is all that matters - anything anyone else is nothing but their opinion and that is it and you don't need to attach any value to it whatsoever. You definately don't need any validation from anyone either.

Why is everyone making out Capes mum is being taken advantage of? On another thread people might say tea every fortnight wasn't enough contact for a loving gp.

The db just sounds nasty to me.

Well I enjoy giving my kids to my mum because they're bloody hard work and I enjoy the peace and I can get things done. And then I'm much nicer when they're back. Winners all round.

I cba to respond to that-don't waste your time/energy.

If you, your mum & the kids are happy with what goes on, just leave it at that.

Weather he isn't a parent yet, and I have never called his gf a shit parent even though she is because it isn't ok to say that to someone, is the point I was kind of trying to make

^^ Hypocritical???

Your brother was being a Dick but you aren't behaving any better now.

Hits nope not hypocritical, I've never said she's a shit parent, I just think it

Safe to be fair she used to have them ever week for tea, but then when I split up with their Dad now he has them too I was starting to feel like I never saw them, so I cut it back a bit with Mum - maybe DB doesn't know that, I'm not sure