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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send this text to my brother?

182 replies

NoCapes · 17/05/2017 20:25

We had a family birthday tonight so we're all out for a meal
My brothers gf is pregnant so we were talking babies as you do, and someone said something like "oh Capes would have 10 more if she could wouldn't you" to which my brother responded - "would you? Why?! You're shit at it!" His gf said something like "you can't say that!" But partly laughing aswell, and he said something like "you just give them to my Mum all the time when you can't be arsed"
Didn't want to get into a discussion/argument at the table in front of everyone including my children so I said nothing, conversation moved on and I left soon after

I now want to send him a text along the lines of this -
'Just for future reference, it is never ok to call someone a shit parent. Not that I have to justify myself to you, but Mum has the kids on a regular basis yes, this is for her just as much as it benefits me. She has them the same days every month and I don't ever ring her when I 'can't be arsed' or I'm not coping or whatever else you think happens. You are very very rarely around me or my children so aren't really in a position to judge my parenting skills, and if you would really like to have a discussion about shit parents I would honestly look a bit closer to home than me.'
The shit parent thing is because his gf (and most of her family) take their children to the pub almost every single night where the kids are left to entertain themselves, usually share a takeaway and fall asleep on the backrest - yes I judge them and no I'm not afraid to say it

So do I cause an issue, or let it go and basically be the one that anyone can treat like shit and say what they want to because 'it's only Capes' again???

OP posts:
CricketRuntAndRashers · 17/05/2017 20:46

I understand that you are annoyed.

But I don't think that anything good will come from this.

He either knew in advance that this would upset you (in which case actual confirmation will simply increase the likelihood of him doing something again) or he's really insensitive....

Just tell him that he was very rude and that he can talk to you in private if he wants to talk about how you parent your children. I wouldn't send the last part...

Waltermittythesequel · 17/05/2017 20:46

You can't have a go at him about calling you a shit parent, whilst calling his gf a shit parent!

Why do you think your mum benefits from having your dc? Sounds like she's said something negative about it.

Underthemoonlight · 17/05/2017 20:46

Have we got the same db? My db says and does arsehole stuff I tend to call him out of stuff. I can't bear the bloke but i remain civil for my parents sake. I would most definitely call him out on it, otherwise he thinks this behaviour is acceptable when it's not.

Mummmy2017 · 17/05/2017 20:47

Please don't send it,

Just wait till the Baby is born and reality hits home.

He is going to find out just how hard parenthood is, and also how nice it is to have someone who loves to have the Grandkids.

After all in a few months his life is goign to explode, it's a tiny person who rules the roost.

Bedsheets4knickers · 17/05/2017 20:47

I wouldn't / couldn't let that go

Original poster
NoCapes · 17/05/2017 20:47

Walter erm because they're her grandchildren and she loves them and wants to spend time with them?!
Shock horror - grandmother loves grandchildren ShockHmm

OP posts:
OhPuddleducks · 17/05/2017 20:48

Don't sweat it. I was a much better parent before I had kids. I cringe about some of the things I said before I'd done it myself. Leave it six months and then a well-timed "it's not as easy as it looks" type comment should do it! Hugs for you.

Vrooooom · 17/05/2017 20:49

I wouldn't send any text at all. It's pointless and will just cause drama. What would you expect him to think if you sent one? because I can gaurentee that he won't suddenly see the error of his ways and send you flowers and an apology......

My advice..
Try and avoid him and if you can't calmly call him up if he is rude to you. Don't gossip about him with other family members and don't give him any headspace.

Madwoman5 · 17/05/2017 20:50

We all parent in different ways. Things that gripe my shit don't bother others. Sounds like mum has been oversharing so maybe pull back a bit there. Forget texting, talk to him calmly and ask him what the issue really is without criticising his choices. If he gets too offensive a simple deadpan Wow, really? Usually works.

Zampa · 17/05/2017 20:50

What Rebel said: "I would appreciate it if in the future you'd refrain on commenting about my parenting and arrangements . Thank you."

Certainly don't start mud-slinging. It will inflame the situation and no-one will come out of it looking any good.

Hassled · 17/05/2017 20:50

I don't think I could let it go if my child-less brother publicly called me a shit parent. Text probably isn't the way though - just talk to him about how it made you feel.

pictish · 17/05/2017 20:52

Well do you have a habit of using benefiting your mum with the company of your children?
Does he have a point?

Seems an outlandishly rude accusation to make if there's nothing in it.

MaybeNextWeek · 17/05/2017 20:53

Just send him a passive aggressive one 'nice to see you and gf the other night must meet up again soon , btw don't put me down just to make yourself feel good, you twat'. I'd have to say something, can't let gobshites get away with it.

pictish · 17/05/2017 20:53

Sorry x posted.

claritytobeclear · 17/05/2017 20:53

Text:

So you think you're the new Supermanny? I'm still laughing.

RebelRogue · 17/05/2017 20:54

Did he actually say MY mum? That makes it sound like a toddler tantruming for attention.

happypoobum · 17/05/2017 20:55

I wouldn't text.

I would probably let it go and then distance myself.

If you must tackle it do it verbally, not by a massively long text.

BoneyBackJefferson · 17/05/2017 20:56

So you are complaining about him calling you a shit parent and call the person who pulled him up on it a shit parent.

By all means have a go at him but leave her out of it.

Oldraver · 17/05/2017 20:58

Did your Mum hear what he said ?

Notalotterywinner · 17/05/2017 21:00

How about a text like

"hey Bro it was great to see you and GF at the party but how about you lay off the parenting comments? lets leave that shit to Gina Ford hey!"

Nanny0gg · 17/05/2017 21:01

erm because they're her grandchildren and she loves them and wants to spend time with them?! Shock horror - grandmother loves grandchildren

Doesn't mean she might not have said something to them though.

Has she?

ChrisPrattsFace · 17/05/2017 21:03

If that was my darling asshat brother my message would probably say 'don't call me a bad parent you absolute twat. See you at mums for dinner on Sunday'

And he would would probably reply with some sarcastic comment and we wouldn't speak... till dinner at mums on Sunday. But that's how we work.

Original poster
NoCapes · 17/05/2017 21:03

I've just asked my Mum if she thinks she has the kids too much as I'm trying to make sense of why DB would say that
And her response was - 'oh get a grip he was being funny that's what he does, you obviously don't know him at all if you're offended!' Hmm

Wtf?!
Think it might be time to just step right back from the lot of them tbh

Sad
OP posts:
claritytobeclear · 17/05/2017 21:06

Try not to get upset over ridiculous comments, OP. If something is ridiculous it is not worth the brain space to dwell on it.

annielouise · 17/05/2017 21:07

I would send it if you want but take the bit out about his gf. She did half heartedly try to stick up for you and she's done nothing wrong. He's bound to tell her if he works it out and you'll have bad feeling between you. You don't want to lose touch before the baby comes. It was out of order. I'd be waiting for his first slip up as a parent and rubbing his nose in it, saying tsk, tsk, shit parenting there. See how he likes it Smile.